Domestic Abuse, working with women, advice ?

Hello guys!

Did not have a clue where to post this thread, but I went for women's
Issues as it is mostly associated with that.

I recently got out of an abusive relationship, mentally and physically
Abusive. The happiness and relief I feel now is incredible, and because
Of the way I felt before and I after the relationship I feel very passionately
About this topic.

Because of this, I now have a determination to work with woman
Both in abusive relationships, and as they are trying to leave.

( I am aware that men can also be victims of this, but my desire is to
Work with women)

The problem is I have no idea where to start. I have always studied sciences
So I don't really have a foundation to build on. If anyone has any advice on this,
Or can point me in the right direction, that would be amazing!

Thank you all!

 

Hi Elizabeth...
I don't know how you could start doing this... maybe contacting a womens refuge?
However, I think you may have to have some sort of ' Talking therapy' first... Its probably still too 'raw' for you to be able to remain professional and not to get too involved? x

 

first off, congratulations. i was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and it took me leaving twice to finally get away. for some women it can take as many as 17 tries.
most importantly, take care of yourself, love yourself, be good to yourself. you deserve the world. don't be fragile, be vast and brilliant.

 

I think that working in shelters, for example can be rough. Counseling anyone other than the worried well tends to be very demanding.

If you care about people and want to help them, it's easy to burn out doing something like this.

People with science backgrounds are in higher demand. You might want to do something science related for you income, then volunteer to help abused women.

Good luck.

 

My wife used to be the director of an organization that covered 7 programs dealing with domestic abuse, child abuse, family wellness and mentoring, etc. When you're ready...you might look for an organization like this in your area or try asking your local Dept. of Human Services office. They should know of all or at least most available programs in your area. The people in charge of those programs will know how to utilize your ambition in a positive way. Good luck and don't get discouraged. It's a great cause but you may have to look around to find the spot that is just right for you. My advice is this....people can help in a lot of ways...think it over and find out which way works best for you. People are good at different things.

 

That is my first thought too, the healing process. Which honestly may take years.
A woman who's been abused has to shed off layers of mental prison and pain, build self esteem and find out who she is and what she wants in life.
Her mind has to be cleared of all the dictations and control, even after the abuser is gone.
You can't really help anyone else until you've been helped first.
Being freed is only the first, but great step.
And women DO need the help.

 

I totally agree with drumminmama and QS. It takes longer than you might think to heal completely. It feels amazing when you're first coming out of that relationship but it takes longer to realize all the ways that it affected you and then to find out how you're going to build yourself back up when you uncover all those unhealed wounds.

I'll tell you a good thing though, from your position, is just to learn more about relationships, communication and dysfunction/abuse in general. From there you can just talk about it, write about it, support posts and other movements related to it.

I wouldn't go into a role of leadership around the topic of abuse though, that's a mistake I think too many people take in this day and age. One mentor/teacher said something like this: being sick doesn't qualify you for being a healer.

We often feel that because we've been sick, or hurt or abused and we are no longer in that situation that we're qualified to help others get out of that situation, since we've gotten out of it...but it takes more than that. It's hard to stay unbiased and it's hard to not become affected by old memories that can be triggered. It definitely takes years to be able to become an expert, but that doesn't mean you can't in some way support yourself and your healing while supporting the cause of education and advocacy on behalf of abusive relationships.

 

I was in a (mostly emotionally and verbally) abusive relationship for two years and for me one of the biggest challenges was gaining my confidence back. Its hard for my former mindset / self to imagine the person I became while in the relationship. Just absolutely depressed, completely isolated (no job/no family or friends near by) and felt unworthy of even existing.

I did finally get back to work and being with my coworkers really boosted my self esteem again. Laughing, people asking for my input, etc. So perhaps hone your skills at building others confidence because that is something you will need to help women with.

 

Why is this though? Why not men?

And does this extended to children, you'd want to help female children, but not male children?

 

I think it may be too soon for you to work with male victims. Work on your confidence and your healing first. Later being able to help men as well as women will help build your own confidence.

I spent the better part of 35 years working in this field and the hardest part emotionally for me were those women that kept going back to the same guy or finding one that was worse. I realized their relationships were patterned after that of their parents. Domestic violence runs in families!