does he still love me? and how do i get him back?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by princess17, Jun 10, 2006.

  1. princess17

    princess17 Member

    well here it is my and my ex fiance broke up about 6 months ago. we have 2 children and we miss him very much. he comes around almost everyday and still asks me to hang out with him and to go places with him and he comes and stays the nigh and everything. but he never tells me he loves me anymore or anything. do u think he does? i know he is my soulmate and we r suppose to be together on the 17th of this month we would have been together for 4 years that so long to just let go so easy. i have read other places that if u just blow them off then they more then likly will come back is that true? and is there any other ways i can try to get him back. i love him and miss him and my heart is broken.please help me . i know everyone tells me to just give up but im the kinda person that doesent give up on what i want and i will work my hardest to get him back anysuggestions would be a big help thank u everybody
  2. Aristartle

    Aristartle Snow Falling on Cedars Lifetime Supporter

    Why would your children miss him very much if he's around almost everyday?
  3. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    Long term relationships while in high school aren't realistically going to last forever. Give him space and time. He's obviously a good father and your kids will be okay, but you may face really big problems if he feels trapped. As long as he is continuing being a responsible dad, let him be free for awhile. That's probably what he needs and if you guys can work it out, you will. But don't smother him, you've had him for 4 years and he probably just needs a break. He's young and if he's there for your kids and sharing financial responsibility for them, then him having a life as well is not shirking off his parental duties. I know it hurts, but keep in mind, you were very young when you first started dating. Let him have his space, you're the mother of his children, it's very likely he'll come back.
  4. princess17

    princess17 Member

    the kids miss him because we arnt living together anymore i miss him sooo much i just want him back i dont smother him i dont think. if he asks me to go somewhere with him or to hang out should i just tell him no. and act like i have my own things going on?
  5. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    Well, don't just blow him off, if he wants you around, he obviously is getting his needed space and truly wants you around. Don't push him to get back with you, though, let him come around. But if it would make things easier on you to not be around him, then tell him no, find something else to do, focus on your kids. You should take this time to breathe and take advantage of the freedom you have. You aren't tied down now. I know it's probably not as easy for you to just go out and enjoy yourself with two kiddos to worry about, but maybe you should contact an old friend, have your parents or a friend babysit (or let your ex take care of them for a bit) and have tea or watch a movie. I know it's hard to have fun when your heart is sad and your mind wants to keep wandering back to your sweetheart, but try to make the best out of this. He obviously cares about you or he wouldn't be hanging around you in particular so much. Maybe you guys should go out, just the two of you, and discuss what exactly is going on in both of your heads and hearts. That may help clear up confusion for you. You tell him how you feel first and make him listen to everything you have to say, no interruptions, then let him respond and then tell his own feelings uninterrupted and be prepared for anything. Don't get hysterical if he isn't on the same wavelength as you, though, just understand.
  6. Aristartle

    Aristartle Snow Falling on Cedars Lifetime Supporter

    Good advice. Except if you really want to know how he feels, I would skip the making him listen to your confession bit, and just ask him what's up with his heart first. Then be prepared to tell him how you have been feeling and what you can or cannot handle within the dynamics of your relationship.

    Best of luck.
  7. Jedi

    Jedi Self Banned

    Heh, sounds like he misses you too, ask him how he feels about you and tell him how you feel, maybe this is getting too personal but why did the two of you break up in the first place? maybe you should solve that problem first.
  8. princess17

    princess17 Member

    my mom had told him to stay away from me and the kids until he can do whats right . he said that that is why he left but i know thats not it we just fight alot and i admit that i nagg him alot to get a job and help with the kids and everything but since weve been apart i have been working on it and we havent had a fight for a while. today i told him that there isent going to be anything between us anymore no more hanging out or anything i told him he can come see his kids but thats it and i said that im going to start going out with someone else after i said that all he said was ok bye and hung up was that the right thing to do? everyone says that guys want what they cant have so i decided to act like im moving on with my life do u think this will work? he did sound upset about it.
  9. Jedi

    Jedi Self Banned

    You have known him for a while haven't you? so you probably know what kind of a guy he is, i am sure,everything will be fine, and hey, if it doesn't work out, you can always find a better guy, iam positive, there are so many people in this world, there is probably more than one Mr.right for you, good luck :) .
  10. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    are you sleeping with him when he comes over? Don't answer on here, just a question that I think will help you find your answer. I would protect yourself legally (demand child support, limit visitations to only legal ones etc) until he can be a decent man and wise up. I remember your posts when you were first pregnant and how scared you were. You do not need to be taking all the burden on yourself or at least you shouldn't have to. Men amaze me these days, makes me want to run out and marry the one stable guy I had in my life because it is appearing as though it's impossible to do any better.

  11. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    I can't help you with this one because I can't believe you don't see it and if it happend to me I would want you to say to me like I'm saying to you. He didn't want to marry you. He gave you two children and 1/2 commitment. Now he wants no commitment but visitation for the kids and you. You are better than a sex machine and old reliable lady for his needs because he doesn't want to move on and you don't want to let go. Have some pride and find you someone worth you.
  12. princess17

    princess17 Member

    im not sure what to do anymore its been 2 days since i told him we cant hang out anymore and i havent herd from him at all not even to see the kids. i feel like im going crazy i just want to die. im not use to being without him. i feel like half of me is gone is this normal?
  13. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    It's perfectly normal, princess. You've got a broken heart. But remember, you've got two kids that need you and if their dad's not going to be responsible and work to support them and be a good dad, you are all they have. When you have kids, life changes, it's not about just you anymore, you've got two little ones to look after. Take Lynsey's advice, make sure he is legally obligated to give his half of the responsibility. Live your life the best that you can and let your kids fill your heart and mend the void you are feeling. If you ever feel really alone, there are plenty of loving people here willing to lend a heart, an ear, and a crying shoulder. As far as the broken heart goes...time heals all wounds. There are plenty of good decent men out there and you will find Mr. Right. It will just take some time.
  14. princess17

    princess17 Member

    i know i can find someone else its just hard i have been with him since i was 15 i have never been with anyone else hes the only guy i have ever slept with i love him so much do u think there is any chance for us or do u think i should just let it go? u can be honest too i can handle the truth if its bad thanx alot for all ur help
  15. princess17

    princess17 Member

    well he fially called and asked if he could see the kids tomarrow i said that it was fine. so what i decided to do was make myself look as good as possible wich is a convinence because i have a photo shoot to go to tomarrow anyway. but he acted like i dident even say anything to him at all is that normal for guys to act like that?
  16. Jedi

    Jedi Self Banned

    Alright, since you don't know what he is thinking , I think the best way to go about this is be straight with yourself and with him, say to him what you expect of him and ask him whether you should be together under the conditions that you expect him to follow. If he is the father of these children, I hope he is supporting them...if he is not supporting them then leave him, he is not worth the trouble, like I said there are alot of "fish" in the sea.
  17. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    princess, if you are looking for advice, do not have sex with him. This isn't fair to you. Not only is he taking advantage of you (because when he finds a "girlfreind" he won't come looking for you for sex, until she breaks up with him) I hate the "guys don't buy the cow, if they can get the milk for free" because I have no problems with premarital sex, but, he is really using you.

    I know you love him, but, he is looking elsewhere, and using you as a blow up doll until he finds it.

    It is HARD to be alone, especiallly for the first time. You are 19 and have 2 kids, you have a hard life. But the best thing to do is to get on with your life. Get a lawyer and get a LEGALLY BINDING child support schedule going, and legally binding visitation for the kids. That way, when he gets a girl freind and starts really getting out of hand, you will have the law on your side.

    I'm sorry you are going through this, but you can't "make" someone love you.

    Blessings, child. Please heal well.
  18. caterpillar

    caterpillar Member

    I just wanted to say that some high school relationships so survive. My husband and I are living proof. We started dating when I was a freshman (15) and he was a senior (18). We have been married for 19 years. We have had our problems like most marriages but the thing to ask yourself is are you happy? Do you love him? You are still very young but it can work, if you both are willing to work on it. It takes both of you to make a marriage but you still have to grow individually-have your own friends, take time for yourself. You know him better than anyone. Do you think he wants to still be around? Do you think he loves you? Ask the questions you don't know the answers to. You will know the right decision for you. Don't let others influence your decision.
  19. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    I always say....Never give up on the things that make you smile.
  20. ArtistofPeace

    ArtistofPeace Senior Member

    First of all, I don't think "acting" like you don't want him around when you do will do any good. It's like trying to trick him into being with you and do you really want a guy who needs to be tricked in order to stay with you? Second of all, you're 19 and you have 2 children, and the father of your children is not financially supporting them, I'm guessing, since you said he doesn't have a job? I think you have a reason to "nag" him a bit on that one. If I were 19 with 2 kids and the father of my kids didn't think it necessary to get a job to help out, I'd be pretty pissed and I'd probably be the one to leave him, not the other way around.

    With all that said, I can't really tell you what to do. All I can see is that this dude is getting his cake and eating it too. He comes over, he spends the night, he doesn't even say he loves you anymore, and then he goes on with his life. He's getting everything with no strings attached, and you're just letting him. If this is bothering you, which it obviously is, lay your thoughts on the line, tell him what's up and ask him what he intends to do, because things can't go on this way forever. You're not getting the love you want and need. If he's a good father, then that's great, but he needs to get his act together, seriously.

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