Does anyone else find it hard coming out as bi?

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by KansasBoy21, Sep 7, 2013.

  1. KansasBoy21

    KansasBoy21 Guest

    I feel like the gay community just assumes that "I'm a gay in denial" and the straight community treats gay/bi as interchangeable. Thoughts?
     
  2. I'd put money that no gay guy.has ever said that to you
     
  3. KansasBoy21

    KansasBoy21 Guest

    And yet...they have
     
  4. Shakti_Om

    Shakti_Om Local Pixie

    I didn't exactly 'come out' as Bi. I'm a divorced woman with children.
    Over the last couple of years I started dating women.

    Last year I met someone and I am still with her exclusively. We're a couple, we're in love and I don't hide that.

    The point is I'm serious, therefore my relationship is treated seriously by other people. They see that I'm not messing around or playing Bi because it's trendy.
    Sure I've had the odd comment in jest, but no disrespect.

    From my experience just be serious about who you and what you are. Others will respect you for that, even if it takes a little time to get used to it.

    Shayla x
     
    Poplo. and DaveTheBiGuy like this.
  5. GLENGLEN

    GLENGLEN Lifetime Supporter


    +rep......:)



    Cheers Glen.
     
  6. Oh really in......Kansas?


    By all means expand on that and share the details of how, when that was said to you ........in Kansas.

    Average size american high school, lucky if their was a single gay guy in your form, maybe two.

    Then Uni, College or Work afterwards, straight friends that wouldnt have mixed with them. And its not like there is any scene in Wichita or Topeka.

    So lucky if you've even met more than 1/2 dozen, most you didnt mix with, none would have said that to you.


    Listen to the pearls of wisdom of Shakti_Om, who has basically said; Dont Bullshit, just do
     
    DaveTheBiGuy likes this.
  7. KansasBoy21

    KansasBoy21 Guest

    It's nice that you think you have a clue of what you're talking about
     
    DaveTheBiGuy likes this.
  8. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I never came out as bi, for two reasons. One, people mostly think bisexuality just means you're kinky, they don't take it seriously. And two, I've never actually messed around with a woman so I feel like I can't be 100% sure until I do. I certainly find a lot of women attractive.

    But I don't feel the need to come out seeing as I'm engaged to a man who I love. He's allowed me to experiment on the side if I desire but I'm not going to. I'm not dating a woman, so it's not really relevant to tell anyone. It's not their business.
     
    SantaCruzRob likes this.
  9. KewlDewd66

    KewlDewd66 Member

    The popular notion of telling people that you are gay or bi, ie. "coming out" is vastly overrated.

    A) This is really none of their business. They may want to gossip about it, but there is nothing more to it.

    B) No one genuinely gives a flying... It is your life, so you do what works for you.

    I am a gay man. I have not come out to anyone. I introduced my BF as my BF to them, and they all got clued in. A close friend, who had serious doubts, asked me if I was gay many years ago? So, yeah, I told him, I was gay. He needed to know, because we have been very close for many years now. No one really cared.

    A woman I have known for several years now, exclusively within the business environment, told me that she is "BI". Cool, I shrugged with my shoulders. Why would this be any of my business?

    I have never shown any interest in her. I do not wish to be part of any MFF or MMF or similar scenarios. Sadly, she spent a lot of her emotional energy to achieve nothing.

    KD
     
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  10. Goodbi

    Goodbi Guest

    What a great post!

    Do heterosexuals run around with a sign claiming their straightess?

    Just be what you feel you are and live how you want to live. Your sexuality does not have to be public knowledge, just tell those that you want to have sex with.
     
    FWKbi and DaveTheBiGuy like this.
  11. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I agree that it shouldn't be a big deal and you shouldn't have to let people know. When I realized I was bi, I didn't walk around telling people "Hey, my name is so-and-so and I like dick with a side of pussy."

    What you like in the bedroom shouldn't be out in the public. There's nothing wrong with being proud of your sexual orientation, but I do agree that coming out shouldn't be a huge ordeal. It's no one's business.
     
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  12. averageguy6

    averageguy6 Average Ordinary Guy

    [SIZE=10.5pt]I came out to my wife before ever doing anything. [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=10.5pt]I have not come out to my children or the rest of my family, because it’s none of their business. Just like I don’t tell them about the sex I have with my wife.[/SIZE]
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. MrDown4NEThing

    MrDown4NEThing Members

    I can't even come out to myself so I for sure can't to ne1 else. I just know I wanna atleast try to hookup with a guy but I have no idea how to do it. I don't think its ne1 business what I do or who I do it with, I would like to do something tho, just have no idea how to do it...
     
    BeachBum57 likes this.
  14. MrDown4NEThing

    MrDown4NEThing Members

    I can't even come out to myself so I for sure can't to ne1 else. I just know I wanna atleast try to hookup with a guy but I have no idea how to do it. I don't think its ne1 business what I do or who I do it with, I would like to do something tho, just have no idea how to do it...
     
  15. DaveTheBiGuy

    DaveTheBiGuy Members

    I'm a bisexual married guy. I too have had gay men tell me that I'm "gay and in denial". Like how could they actually say that? I'm thinking that just because that's something they personally experienced, that they "assume" that's the case for everyone.

    I go on bisexual forums to communicate and interact with other like-minded people, as nobody in my day-to-day life knows I'm bisexual, except my wife (as she's the only one who NEEDS to know). When gay men start spewing that I'm "not gay enough", my first reaction is why are there even gay men on bisexual sites trying to "convert" bisexual men into believing they're actually gay. Then I go into "defense mode", and ask again... How could they even assume such a thing when all they actually know about me is whatever I happen to share with them?

    I've come to realize in some instances, it's actually the TRULY gay men that try to push their own agenda on others, and when I tell them that's NOT ME, their response seems to be that I'm just NOT gay enough (is that even a thing?), or that I'm in denial.
    Nope. It's NOT a matter of not being "gay enough", or a matter of me being in denial. I'm a bisexual guy. I don't question myself as to who I really am, and I'm certainly NOT gonna allow anyone else to do so either. like what I like, and that's it. Other people's opinions of me are totally irrelevant, with my wife being the one and only exception.
     
    Granite69 likes this.
  16. DaveTheBiGuy

    DaveTheBiGuy Members

    I'm a bisexual married guy. I too have had gay men tell me that I'm "gay and in denial". Like how could they actually say that? I'm thinking that just because that's something they personally experienced, that they "assume" that's the case for everyone.

    I go on bisexual forums to communicate and interact with other like-minded people, as nobody in my day-to-day life knows I'm bisexual, except my wife (as she's the only one who NEEDS to know). When gay men start spewing that I'm "not gay enough", my first reaction is why are there even gay men on bisexual sites trying to "convert" bisexual men into believing they're actually gay. Then I go into "defense mode", and ask again... How could they even assume such a thing when all they actually know about me is whatever I happen to share with them?

    I've come to realize in some instances, it's actually the TRULY gay men that try to push their own agenda on others, and when I tell them that's NOT ME, their response seems to be that I'm just NOT gay enough (is that even a thing?), or that I'm in denial.
    Nope. It's NOT a matter of not being "gay enough", or a matter of me being in denial. I'm a bisexual guy. I don't question myself as to who I really am, and I'm certainly NOT gonna allow anyone else to do so either. like what I like, and that's it. Other people's opinions of me are totally irrelevant, with my wife being the one and only exception.
     
    FWKbi likes this.
  17. topper

    topper Member

    Really? Who gives a flying fuck what anyone else Believes is in your head ..Live your life and desires for what you believe, not what anyone else assumes and you will free yourself.
     
  18. SantaCruzRob

    SantaCruzRob Contributor

    Why burden friends and family with an emotional admission of what they probably already suspect

    like topper says in his post, ..Live your life and desires for what you believe,

    I think way too much has been made of 'coming out', just be you :p
     
    FWKbi, Granite69 and Sandra Miller like this.
  19. Granite69

    Granite69 Members

    When I told my wife many years back that I’m bisexual, there was inevitably the conversation about me coming out. My response was essentially that she was free to tell anyone she wanted in terms of having someone to talk to about it (she accepts it but doesn’t necessarily approve) but that I had no desire whatsoever in forcing this information upon friends and family members who may not so readily accept it. Being bisexual isn’t so much a defining personality characteristic for me as it is just a matter of me liking men, liking cock and loving prostate stimulation. Within the outdoors circles I frequent, there are many who know of my gay side as this tends to be where I go looking for men. But that’s it ... family, neighbors and coworkers may suspect it (which is fine) but they will never know for sure unless my wife tells them. Overall, I am very comfortable with how I’ve chosen to go about it all. I have no shame about my homosexuality but also feel I have the right to treat it as the private matter that it is.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2021 at 7:01 AM
    FWKbi and DaveTheBiGuy like this.
  20. BeachBum57

    BeachBum57 Members

    I feel the same way
     
    Escierto likes this.

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