does anybody know any jokes

Why can't women ski?

Because there's no snow falling in the kitchen.

 

heeheeheeheeheeheeeheeheehee. i likes it! hahahahahahahahaha........

 

i am very very very confused. washing? someone explain s'il vous plait...

 

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

Badum psssssh...

 

whats worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?














being hit in the face with a brick.

 

Three blondes walk into a forrest when they come accross some tracks.

The fist one says.

"ohh look dog tracks!"

The second one comes up behind her and slaps her round the head and says.

"don't be silly, they're Deer tracks!"

The third blonde says.

"you're both wrong, they're Elephant tracks!"
























They were still arguing when the train hit them

 

That reminds me of the League of Gentlemen. "Line and lines and lines and lines......"

 

What did the farmer say when he lost his sheep?




























"Where's my sheep???"

-So much funnier when you're drunk-

 

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?













Half a dog.

Sorry!

 

What's brown and sticky?? pooh.

 

A man and his friend are hanging out together in a pub. An attractive woman comes along and sits on one of the guy's laps. His wife happens to walk in. She says, "who the hell is that?!!!!!!" and the guy says, "thats my mistress." His wife says immediately, "I wanna divorce." He says, "Now just hang on a second. Think about it. Do you really want to go through with this? We won't be able to send the kids to boarding school, or to Harvard, we'll have to sell the mansion, the Rolls Royce, the holiday home...come on, be reasonable!!"
Just at that moment, another woman walks in and sits on the other guy's lap. The first guy's wife says, "Well, then, who is that?!!!!!!" her husband says, that's HIS mistress. And at that the wife leans over to the other guy and whispers in his ear,
"she's not as good-looking as OUR mistress, is she?!"

-terrible I know. I shouldnt have posted it-

 

What's the best way to give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares?

 

Yeah, I was trying to avoid sinking that low

I got a shit load of really, really offensive jokes, but I'm holding fire until someone else lowers the tone!

 

Go on, you know you want to...

 

sorry so so sorry

what goes Blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde?
















A blonde doing Naked cartwheels.

I'M SORRY lol

 

Let the good times roll!

Q. How do you get an Essex girl pregnant?

A. Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

 

oooh thats nasty

 

I shouldn't worry about that!! (see 'dead baby' jokes!)

Get 'em posted!!

 

This joke is sums up, a, erm, certain type of person....:



A girl goes the the Benefits Office to sign on. The interviewing Officer asks if she has any children.

"Yeah" she replies, "ten".

"Oh really" says the officer, "what are their names?"

She pauses to think then says "err there's Wayne, Wayne, Wayne....Way...yne, erm, oh yeah, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne, then there's Wayne, Wayne....and er...Wayne!".

"Wow" says the Benefits Officer, "all called Wayne? That must be difficult, I mean, all called the same name?"

"Nahh" she replies "It's like when their dinner is ready I opens the windah and shouts WAYNE! YER TEA'S READY! And they all come in! When it's bed time I shouts WAYNE, TIME FER BED! and they all go to bed! Simple".

"Yes" says the Benefits Officer, "I see, but what if you wanted to talk to one of them individually?"

"Oh that's simple " she said "I just call them by their surnames".

 

heeheeheeheehee oooh i like those. hahahahaha