Do you hit your child?

my 8 yr old learns the "hardway". it can be very frustrating to both of us. his dad and i are divorced and hes very close to his dad. thankgoodness (in someways) his teaching and parenting is way different then mine.(hints why we are divorced). so if he feels he cant talk to me he has his dad, and we try to work together to come to an agreemenr on some level.

 

Read "the Wonder of Boys" first, usually cheap, used copies are available on half.com or Amazon. Raising my sons is the most satisfying thing I've done in life....maddening at times but cool stuff...getting to shape a young boy into a good man, good experience for the soul. Have fun with your kids.

 

I can't remember until what age I was spanked, but I do know the only thing it ever taught me was how not get caught better. However, I was also not emotionally scarred or ruined or damage in any way from being spanked, the only bad thing that really came of it was, like I said, learning not to get caught better next time and a loss of respect for my mom. I don't mean I just didn't like my mom any more, every time she spanked me, I lost atual respect for her. She also spanked me out of anger often.

I will say that she hit and abused me other ways often as well. But I knew the difference between those things and spanking, at least the real spanking that wasn't just unleashing frustration out on me.

So my point is, spanking was not the right discipline choice for me, but it didn't damage me either, it just didn't work. The best way I learned things was by my own consequences. And the consequences had to match whatever I'd done wrong. Like a time out or grounding for something? Nope. But if I burned myself for playing with matches? yup.

As a child, I had a friend, who seemed to be a bit dim until she hit adulthood. She didn't seem to make connections between actual consequences of her actions, or groundings, or anything. The only thing that worked for her to understand the matter was physical discipline from her parents. That's what worked for her, and they were disciplined in their spanking. This apparently built up habits in her of not doing those things she shouldn't and kept her mostly out of trouble until she grew a couple of brain cells as an adult.

Knowing this, this would not stop me from using spanking on my child if I had one, if that was honestly the best way they understood matters. But I would try to avoid it and it'd be the last resort... not for each incident, but as a method in general, and only because somehow their brains had been wired to understand the message that physical discipline sends but not the other forms.

 

thank yara ill def. check out the book, ive it listed a couple time on here. i can admit theres definatly never a dull moment at my house with the boys and a teen daughter. lol.

 

Spanking doesn't work... pure and simple. As someone above mentioned, the child just finds sneakier ways to do naughty things. Also, the child doesn't learn anything when they're spanked other then "don't do that or I'll be spanked." Plus, you're modeling aggressive behavior. Children mimic EVERYTHING. Sure, it's easy to spank... but imo it's not good parenting.

Oh... and just because you don't spank your children doesn't mean you can't discipline them... you just have to be smarter about it so it results in the child actually LEARNING something other than not to do something in front of their parent to avoid getting spanked.

 

Spanking does work, pure and simple,

WHEN it is the only way to get a kids attention. After raising 7 sons I can assure you there are no absolutes. I don't advocate or like to spank...I do know some kids simply don't pay any attention until they receive a physical invitation to listen. I certainly do not mean a brutal, damaging spanking, rather a, "warm the ass to open the ears approach." I don't like spanking, however, I would be less than a good parent if I didn't use it when it is the lesser of two evils.

 

with my 3 year old i stopped smacking him a while ago but his father has not. now i just sit him in the time out chair explain to him why we cannot allow these actions and put the timer on for a few minutes. with my 9 month old i just smack his hand and take him away from what he should not be doing.

 

I still hold that spanking only results in the child not doing an action that's been deemed bad IN FRONT of the parent who hits. Spanking gives the illusion of working because the child is behaving in front of you to avoid being hit. I really can't think of anything a child could do that would warrant physical punishment.

 

Not all children respond the same way Gaiabee. And while I respect your opinion about spanking, and your right to have it, I also disagree with it. With a four year old it is hard to find "sneakier" ways to do the bad behavior, especially in a small home. He just does NOT respond to any other form of discipline. I have tried others,and for you to tell me that I am a bad parent because I use spanking would be like me calling you and all others who do not spank bad parents for that reason. I think I would be a worse parent if I didn't find a form of discipline that worked with my child and use it.

And understand, he doesn't get a spanking for every infraction, it isn't a punishment, but a consequence for certain actions. I don't spank out of anger or frustrations, I spank when he does an action that has been deemed the consequence for. There really is a difference.

 

I'm not calling you a bad parent... I said that, in my opinion, it's bad parenting. I understand that many who spank consider those who don't as being bad parents, that's fine. I'm just curious what kinds of things your 4-year-old did that he received a spanking as a consequence?

A book I recommend for anyone at a loss for alternative consequences to physical is SOS: Help for Parents by Lynn Clark, Ph.D.

 

I think spanking is some pedaphiles excuse back in the 1890s.

 

you have much to learn

 

I was spanked as a kid and I don't resent my parents for it, nor do I feel scarred by it or anything. I think alternative forms of discipline are best, but at times an appropriate spanking may be needed. I don't believe in using a belt though. That can easily cross the line. My sister doesn't believe in spanking at all, unless it's a safety issue and I think that's because my dad was harder on her than me. I do remember one instance, it was just the one though, where he did cross the line. He may have forgotten about it, but I haven't.

 

yea i remember the last time i was spanked by my mother i was about to take a bath and i dont remember what i did or for what reason but she came in and spanked my bare butt really hard and afterwards i stood up looked at her and just laughed. that was the end of spanking for me i was 6 years old and laughed at my mother. hahahaha

 

Ha, thats the same thing that ended spankings for me too. Mom spanked me for some rotten-assed kid stunt and I laughed so hard she ended up crying...then I felt bad about her crying so I promised to be good. I think that was the first time (of many) I remember getting psyched out by a woman...man she was so good at that stuff. Dad was good with a willow switch and that really focused my attention. We had an old rundown shed on the back of the farm and as boy I always wanted to hang out there. It was full of red wasps however and I could have literally gotten stung to death. "Not me"! I says and continued to throw dirt clods at their nest. A few switchs with that damn willow branch did help refocus my attention though. As a kid I was one of those testostrone charged little morons who would try anything and common sense or threat of consequences meant nothing. A bit of stinging pain accompanied by short, terse promises of more usually redirected me from the path a danger though.

 

I am not for hitting your child. I know that you can get frustrated when your child pitches a fit in the middle of the store, but they are frustrated themselves, and hitting will only pull them away from you.
Now, in some instances, i sincerely believe that they just need an old fashioned whooping. Like my friends brother...he will not talk to anyone about his feelings, seeks no help for himself, and constantly pushes people and is just a complete dominating jerk. He is 14 and has been kicked out of school twice for drugs (not pot...like triple Cs and he huffs freeon and stupid crap like that). he really takes advantage of people and simply needs to be disciplined.

Although, i do get very angry when mothers hit their children that are very young. your 1 1/2 year old- 2 year old needs to be taught better if they are acting up. explain what is right and what is wrong, there is no need to hurt them..that only upsets them further, and riles up your anger more.