Do You Haiku?

Discussion in 'Writers Forum' started by Deidre, Sep 11, 2017.

  1. LeoMale72

    LeoMale72 a couple of cans short of a six-pack. Lifetime Supporter

    I watched a slug crawl
    On the edge of a razor
    Slithering slowly

    And still surviving
    My life seems to be the same
    It is my nightmare
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    It's fall. Denver was at 84 degrees yesterday. But today will be cold---and we will get snow this afternoon---probably an inch in the mountains.


    hito fumanu
    yama no furudera
    aki kaze ya


    No one steps in
    the old mountain temple
    Autumn winds!


    or

    the old mountain temple
    abandoned
    Ah! Autumn winds.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    yama fukashi
    tzuku kiri shizuka
    jizobosatsu


    Deep in the mountains
    a horned owl breaks the silence
    The little stone buddha

    Jizobosatsu are little stone buddhas that are placed in shrines, temples, and special places in the mountains. Bosatsu is actually a bodhisattva. Today they are just about always placed there to protect the spirits of stillborn or aborted babies. (It could be one, or it could be many---Japanese doesn't specify.)
     
    3 people like this.
  4. Deidre

    Deidre Follow thy heart

    I've imagined you
    Everything was so surreal
    Sometimes, dreams can haunt
     
    2 people like this.
  5. KL71

    KL71 Miami Dolphins fan since 1983

    I JUST WANT A HOME
    A PLACE THAT I CAN AFFORD
    TIRED OF THIS PAIN

    :bigcry:
     
    2 people like this.
  6. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    Haiku poets also use a poem form called a Tanka-----it takes a haiku (e.g. 5/7/5 syllables), and adds another 7/7 verse.

    As a Tanka, you would take the first 3 lines (the haiku), and add this:



    I watched a slug crawl
    On the edge of a razor
    Slithering slowly

    And still surviving, my life
    seems to be the same nightmare
     
  7. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    This is a very good death poem. But it is also brilliant at the pathos of the survivors--the loved ones.


    I especially like the ending, which is similar, or along the same vein as a haiku I once composed about the festival in Japan at the end of the O-bon season---in the fall, when the ancestors come back to visit the Japanese---where they put little boats with lit candles in a river which, as they float away in the river's current, guides the ancestors back home to the land of the dead. I used the continuing flow of the river as a metaphor on the passage of time, from one generation to the next. There is something interesting about the permanence of the world in the face of the temporal nature of human physicality. Unfortunately it is in my first kuchou (haiku journal) and I am not sure where that is right now.

    The first time I really remember thinking about this, was while hiking around the mountains just North of Kyoto, Japan. I came upon a trail that led to some old stone steps, which were half overrun by the thick Japanese foliage. I climbed the steps and came upon an old temple, called, Amida-ji. No one was there, but on either side of the altar was this long tapestry that hung all the way down the wall. Then there were these little bells on the bottom of the tapestry, and as the wind would pass through the temple it would
    slam these bells against the hard wall and the bells would give off a ring. It suddenly dawned on me that even if all of mankind had met its demise, these bells could continue ringing. The interesting thing about the experience is that thre was a steady breeze so the bells rung in a continuous rythm. I've written several haiku on that including the following Tanka (I explained tanka in my previous post):

    aki no arashi ya
    nankai mo
    amidaji no
    suzu wa naku ga
    ki koeru hito nashi


    The fall storm!
    over and over
    the little bell
    in Amida Temple rings but
    No one is there to hear it


    (Actually the haiku part fails to stand on its own---I see that was a work in progress...)

    (All this Buddhist stuff I've posted, and people will think I'm Buddhist----but it is deeply intertwined with Japanese culture.)
     
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  8. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe

    And what became of,
    Yesterday's eager promise?
    Today never comes.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    Words are gone
    Everything motionless
    The blank page
     
    2 people like this.
  10. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    That is a very beautiful but sad haiku
     
  11. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    kangarasu
    demo matsu ka
    omoi yukigumo


    Even the
    cold crow awaits?
    Heavy snow clouds


    This is a good example of how well Japanese is suited to haiku----instead of writing several words to express the concept of a cold crow (karasu ga samui), Japanese simply combines the Chinese characters to create 1 word, kangarasu, for a cold crow.

    This could be a good response to youfreeme's haiku on death. None of us, not even nature itself, can escape the inevitable---whether a bad snow storm, old age, or even death. Winter and the year end can serve as a metaphor for the end life, including the breaking down of the mind and body in senility and old age...
     
  12. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed and Confused Staff Member

    As autumn winds blow​
    Men are passing in the night​
    Falling to the ground​
     
  13. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    In post #127, just a few posts above, I wrote of an old temple in the mountains above Kyoto, where these bells on the ends of two long tapestries on either side of the altar, continuously hit the wall from the breeze and the wind. Here is another haiku I composed about that experience. It is suuitable, because tonight, here in Colorado, snow is starting to fall...


    rin rin to
    suzu naru amidaji
    yuki furi

    Ting... ting...
    the sound of a bell from Amida-ji
    snow falls.


    There is a vagueness in the Japanese---on the one hand, one might experience the sound of a bell making its way out of the old temple in the silence of the snow fall, on the other hand it could be a causal relationship where the ringing of the bell causes the snowfall, or the snow, the bell... (Amida-ji = Amida Temple)
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2017
  14. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    hatsu yuki ya
    ikegiri ni
    kamo hitorigiri

    The autumn snow!
    in the foggy lake
    a duck all alone
     
  15. Deidre

    Deidre Follow thy heart

    Relax your mind some
    Don't let stress get in the way
    Serenity now
     
  16. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    fuku suteru
    sekiri no yogore
    ochiba kana

    Throwing away clothing
    dysentery stains
    falling leaves!
     
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  17. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe

    Time rushes backwards
    Stirring sleeping dark creatures
    Their hour has come
     
    Mountain Valley Wolf likes this.
  18. Moonglow181

    Moonglow181 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    The cold can cut through
    Keeping it moving, moving
    To chase cold away
     
    Mountain Valley Wolf likes this.
  19. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    Furu yamaji
    yuki furi furini
    oto wa sezu

    Old mountain path
    snow falls and falls
    without a sound
     
  20. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

    asagiri
    karasu no koe wa
    shiranu ki kara

    Morning fog
    a crow's voice
    from an unknown tree
     
    Deidre likes this.

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