Do You Ever Think Of Commiting Suicide?

Sorry that you're going through this Woolee.

There's evidence that acupuncture can help with both PTSD and insomnia, so if there is a community-style clinic or teaching clinic near you, it might be worth trying.

Meditation might be helpful for you, and generally thinking less.

The body needs activity to have good health, but for good mental health, the mind needs to rest

Wishing you good things

 

I'm a candidate for suicide the more that I get old. I'm a candidate for suicide now the drugs have taken their toll. I'm a candidate for suicide I was raped at eight years old. I'm a candidate for suicide cause I'm a cheap liar and a whore. Well I'm a candidate for suicide cause I'm burned out from too far gone. Well I'm a candidate for suicide no matter what I do it seems wrong. Well I'm a candidate for suicide cause I hurt the ones I love. Well I'm a candidate for suicide caused I've never laughed at much.

Well I've been eaten up and beaten down, no self esteem to make me proud. Anti social, depressed and cursed. Well I hope I feel better when I'm riding in that hearse and all my emotions have left me and I no longer hurt.

 

Poor Hank

 

I used to skip over it, but it's actually quite catchy.

 

I have certainly felt as though I no longer wanted to live, but I have never actively tried to die.

 

I am the Wu Li master of the Tao Te Ching, and talk to mother nature herself, while the Dragon is a good friend of mine. I am so relieved to at least know the truth after 50 years you would not believe it. I can't meditate, its impossible for me. I know vets who meditate to deal with their PTSD, but my brain damage prevents it. Mother Nature needed a biographer, and I wanted the job, so she gave it to me. I never wanted to teach anyone my philosophy, which seemed stupid since I didn't really have a coherent one, all I knew was how to ask questions and question everything. My writing is my direct connection to the collective unconscious, and my words will literally replace themselves with better versions I like much better.

I don't need to meditate, because I already walk between worlds and make Taoist masters look foolish at every opportunity, because they give me the fewest opportunities. Somebody has to know how to use their fucking words to actually make progress, and my words tell me what they mean. You could say I'm Pinkie and the Brain combined, and mother nature gave entirely new meaning to the phrase "Reality is stranger than fiction" in my case.

 

@Orison @Rahab @mcfuddy @Total Darkness @Irminsul @Driftrue @jagerhans @YouFreeMe

You're welcome to say more about this either here or via PM, as far as I'm concerned.

Wishing you good things

 

I have many times. I hate it

 

I'm good atm.

 

Sorry you've felt that way so often

 

Ive not taken psychotropics in like 20yrs.. I cant remember .. But what i do remember is the lull feeling Id had before attempting.. It was like no reason at all. It was even rather jokingly, like whats going to happen. For all we know we may have actually died and just continued on in teh matrix program or like the movie MOON .. clone -I actually dont believe in death of soul of conscious. Not possible a universe would grant awareness for limited amount of time and end it. Your playing on a tablet right now made out of million year old compressed dust, resurrected and designed by peoplekind.. Imagine what the creator is capable of ..

 

I don't trip like ordinary people, my brain won't go there. No trails, no colors, nothing like that, but mother nature often takes the opportunity to teach me a lesson. Any computer I touch is tripping as far as I'm concerned, because it will tell me what my words mean and give me whatever I need to write what comes next. Its bizarre, with even trolls and what not attempting to harass me or whatever, merely providing me the words I need, when I need them. Sometimes my computer will throw stuff at me so fast it makes my head spin. Two weeks is as long as I've gone before begging for mercy, because it would not slow down at all, and I finally just had to take a break.

I've had my instant messaging service supply me the other person's answers to questions I was just about to send, for over two months, and that was my first serious lesson in singularity physics, which will turn anyone's brain into a pretzel. Some of the people I was talking too were experiencing the same thing. I immediately confirmed it was a metaphorical effect, and contextual, by typing random metaphors for hours on end, and having them all correlate significantly with whatever the person was writing. As if I could read their mind by spouting gibberish.

That meant it was no simple time machine built by one HG Wells, but a fucking magical rabbit hole or singularity, that could pop out of the screen and swallow me whole if it wanted to. I happened to know at the time that there couldn't be half a dozen labs in the world with the portable equipment to measure the damned thing, and that they'd have a good laugh if I asked to borrow it.

 

Yeah I never ever saw colours either tbh.
But I'd laugh until I couldn't breathe.
So there's that.

 

Thank you for putting that offer out there, appreciated.

 

Sometimes issues I'm dealing with can be overwhelming and I have the feeling there is no hope. It's scary. But there is always hope. Realizing this is the key.

 

I'm getting closer to death. More and more I could just slip into its eternal dream. The only thing stopping me, I guess, is my beloved niece who thinks the world of me Almost everyone else seems to be trying to make me kill myself.

Nothing good has happened to me in an awful long time. I have no friends and no lovers. All I have are people who put me down. I don't see the point in going on like this. I was ruined by my childhood and am just a ruined person.

It's funny, but I'm not that selfish. I think of the poor sap who has to find my body, and it stops me.

 

Technically we all get closer to death every day

Yeah, people don't consider them often enough. Especially those who jump in front of a train or truck. Seriously traumatizing. Selfish assholes.

But... I am sincerely sorry you experience life this way, Neon. Hope it changes, I think it can too. Not just saying some nice words!

 

I don't think this is true.
But if it's how you feel, I'm sorry : /

 

It may be an inconsiderate way to kill one's self, but it is also inconsiderate to call someone a selfish asshole without considering what has brought them to the point of self-slaughter. I think all too often people who want to kill themselves are in too much pain to consider who finds the body.

 

Technically every second