Do You Ever Think Of Commiting Suicide?

fight the good fight everybody.. every minute every day..

 

Plenty of times. I don't think a year has gone by where i haven't. You don't have to be depressed or miserable to think of committing suicide. Thinking of committing suicide and really wanting to go through with it are entirely different.

 

I wasnt allowed to kill myself.. somehow, I tried but failed via divine intervention. I had been giving some pych drugs, Zyprexa and Geodon.. I was having / what I thought I was having PTSD .. I known these drugs not so good for you., but thought what the hell short term. I was living in my country house and my gf and I were talking ... nothing unusual .. I remember being upset that I needed to get some gasoline and had 10$ didnt want to drive to work for some reason.. I dont know why I walked into the other room and tied up a rope and told my gf I was killing myself. She walked away cause what the hell kinda talk is that?, I remember I could see her on the computer 10feet aways.... I tosses the rope over the timber and myself and the timber broke. It was thick 6inch of wood decoration in the dinning area. It just snapped and I fell to the floor.. my gf thought I was hurt cause she said I was laying there. this stupid timber broken and I got up and jumped out the window like some crazy person without a thought. she called the police.. the only police there was State and they looked for me with a helicopter till I they found me walking down the road. I could see the chopper and knew it was looking for me. but I had this urge to duck it but knew it wasnt going to go away til I was found but:::::: what the fuck importance am I .. this probably the most invasive mind question to ones self .. maybe its something chimp mind seeks. who shall save me when I fall?
I think about suicide every day /. i replay this in my head all the time because of all the drugs ive done. Ive smoke pcp with crack and come down on some girl. and never never thought about killing myself. or rather never tried to without self control. I know there was some kinda over ride program going on there. Call me crazy as fuck .. Dont care.. its very possible they use neurotransmitter drugs to mind control.

If I built a drug that would cause a certain brain path pattern- and a satellite microwave to influence that pattern .. I could rule peoplekind.. Think about that and think about that hard..

 

I think everybody has thought of it at one time or another but most people including myself just could never do it, no matter how hard life may get.

I couldn't do it even if I wanted to.

 

There've been times when I weighed out the pros and cons of going through with it. As there've been times when I was in so much trouble or so humiliated I wanted to be struck dead right then and there. Never having to live with the consequences.

I'm very glad I overcame my long depression phase.

 

Wrong the idea has never even crossed my mind, the very idea, the very notion that I could die is almost unfathomable, and yet I know it’s eventually going to happen,
it’s just something I’d have to see to believe.

 

I am so glad I didnt have information on the Dmjoupot's..

(code breakers)

 

I've never once contemplated it

I have woken up a time or two and not wanted to be alive, but in a passive sort of way. Like if the universe decided to take me that would be cool but i'm not getting out of bed to do it myself

 

Yes, all the time.

 

Slight contemplation during hard times. Never any move toward action. Many years ago as a teen I did something stupid, this girl in my truck was talking suicide so I pressed the gas and started accelerating to scary speed . Ok you want to die we are going to die now, and no no no slow down !! She tells me.

 

Used to, often. Forgetting the past and living one day at a time now. So far so good.

 

Sorry that you've been through this Angela

 

I know what comes after death, and its not an improvement.

 

Be patient

When your time has truly come you won’t once again find yourself jumping from one reality to the next, this time you’ll stay dead.

 

You don't comprehend, time is never what you think it is, until that time rolls round again.

 

yes. i don't believe i would do it, but i can't speak for when i'm older. sometimes the thought of dying is one of such complete relief.

 

Well said. But can be difficult. It helps to have positive thinkers like you as friends to lift ones spirits.

 

every second day but it is not a decision that involves just me. not yet

 

I can't think of a reason good enough to kill myself. I'm never in that much pain. The only thing that really makes me want to die is work. I really can't stand that I was the smartest kid in class and yet I work these dead end jobs. I'm just not built for it like some dullard would be. And in other, glaring ways, I'm a complete idiot, so it all works out. I'm too dumb to die.

 

I'm brain damaged with chronic PTSD and insomnia. For the first thirty years of my life my hands never stopped shaking, and my brain would short circuit in every way imaginable, as if I had brain farts all day long. I still struggle to remember my own address and phone number, and something as stupid as a puppy dog on a commercial can make me bust out in tears, while I commonly forget where I'm going to and prefer to walk everywhere for that reason. I thought of suicide every day since I was 14 and became morbidly fascinated with Amnesty International, which got their start by rehabilitating victims of political torture, who sometimes were lucky to live out the rest of their lives as hermits.

Anywho, then I met mother nature, who made it rather obvious that death is not the end, and my torture would simply continue in the next life, because I have karma to pay. Serious karmic debt that would bring anyone to their knees. But, she gave me the option of paying it off in one lifetime, and its a bargain.

Hell is for those who've never been there, while those of us who have, don't care to even give it a name.