Do these shorts make me look fat?

I've never been out of shape in my life, but I go to this Goodwill about once a month that's next to a great Thai place and I usually find one great bargain. This time I found a nice pair of shorts to replace my lucky shorts I'd recently lost, but I couldn't figure out how come they were only $1.99. There has to be something wrong with them, right?

 

Maybe they once belonged to an old fart with anal seepage?

 

Someone either shit or died in them.

 

They were previously owned by an axe murderer.

 

With anal seepage, dammit!

 

Anal seepage it is.

 

Maybe both. I think people sometimes shit after they die.

And that would explain the brown stains and rotting carcass smell.

 

I used to be in a punk band called Anal Seepage.

 

^^^hahaha that's fookin wonderful.

 

Which one? There have been about 6, just in the US. I'm a fan of the era with Ryan on drums and Tim Crabb on vocals...

 

Wouldnt that make it more valuable?

 

There really should be a ClothesFax service.

 

why do you give a dam if you look like you eat regular?

virtical lines make you look thinner, horzontal lines make you look wider, solds leave you just as you are, and of course random, abstract patterns neither more virtucal nor horizontal are more or less camo.

=^^=
.../\...

 

Weird thing is if I saw these same shorts (minus the seepage of course ) in the Macy's across the street for $30, I still would've bought them and not thought twice about it, but $1.99 at Goodwill reduces its value to one step above engine-rag in my mind.

 

They "tent" funny when you sit down... Or are you just glad to see me?

 

Would you like to go camping?

 

i was under the presumptoin that most things at goodwill were priced around that range...?

maybe thats just what the prices were in central Vt

 

donated items for practically free. can't beat that.

 

Yea, same as fitzy, pretty much every pair of shorts at my goodwill is 1.99. That's what's so good about goodwill, they have good stuff for cheap. The idea isn't to go there and wonder why it's so cheap, the cheapness is the whole point.

 

these suspenders make me look fat