dissolving a friendship gone sour...help

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by neckienoo, May 10, 2004.

  1. neckienoo

    neckienoo Member

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    Okay, I have been friends with this girl for about four years. When we became friendly I was aware that she had been brought up in an abusive and negligent familly, and she only has about a sixth grade education. At first I think that I just wanted to "take her under my wing" and help her to better herself. Years later our beliefs and such are very different. She doesn't believe in women's rights, and she doesn't believe that gays should have certain rights. I told her all human beings deserve equal treatment even if we can't agree with what they do. She is married to a man who she abuses both verbally and mentally. I prefer to avoid abusive people as I do not want them or their negative influence in my life. She's currently pregnant with his child and she talks about how she wants to raise her child like she was raised. I know that everyone has their own opinions but I do not care to be around someone that lives their life the way that she does. She tells me that I was raised with " a silver spoon in my mouth." The truth is I just have responsible parents that help me out, and I hope to do the same for my kids one day! I am currently enrolling in college to become an addictions counselor. I want to do important things in my life! It's impossible to hold an intelligent conversation with her because she only wants to speak of herself and all of the ways she manipulates her husband. Anyway, I am trying to dissolve our friendship and she's making it impossible. I have tried to talk with her about how I feel and it's like talking to a wall! Maybe I'm not being blunt enough? Does anyone have advice for me?????
  2. ForestNymphe

    ForestNymphe Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    It's a tough situation. Ending a freindship is never easy.

    I would suggest trying to talk to this girl again, and express your feelings, in a hopefully non dramatic setting where you could both listen to each other. If you truly feel like this relationship is toxic, tell it how it is.
    Sometimes, friendships simply evolve, doors close and new windows of freindship open. I had to do this with a one time good friend, who chose to stay in a physically abusive relationship. While it hurt a great deal to step away, I had to realize that the friendship was one sided, me doing an awful lot of enabling and allowing myself to be used by a person who chose to stay a victim. This individual gave nothing.
    Try and talk things out, ultimately you will know in your heart the best course of action.
    I wish you luck.
  3. DarkLunacy

    DarkLunacy Senior Member

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    Walk away. Stop calling, stop going out with and stop talking about. I've always found that if I continue to talk about them they remain in my life. Walking away always worked... Good luck dear
  4. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

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    shoot i have never been good at this. i have needed to do this in regards to relationships but never friendships. and in that i am no good. i always end up calling or going back

    but for you .........you need to walk away. it is honestly the only way
  5. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Make her sit down,be still and listen.Then look her right in the eyes and tell her"I don't want you in my life any more.I don't like your values and I don't like you.Now go!"You will learn a great deal about yourself--your power--your control over your own life.You will never again let people walk on you.It is hard to confront people that act like assholes because we (I) hate to embarrass them!She will probably flip out and leave mad--but you will have rid yourself of her.She will learn a lesson also.Maybe for the good.Maybe not.That should not be your concern.There are too many good people around to waste time with flawed ones that drag you down.Also,sharpen up your bullshit-scumbag detector--------it seems this self protecting mental device--awareness tuneup---is becoming more important by the day.--------good luck-------------------------------------------scratcho-----------------
  6. HippieFlowerGirl67

    HippieFlowerGirl67 Banned

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    I have a friend that won't open up to me anymore like he once did, and so I told him that if he didin't want to get hurt by me anymore, he shouldn't be my friend. He refuses! I don't want him around anymore but he won't leave my life and I hate it!
  7. Keramptha

    Keramptha Senior Member

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    move on. ie. stop giving her time or breath
  8. sonador_hermosa

    sonador_hermosa Member

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    you have the right to set boundaries with people and tell them you don't want them in your life anymore. she MUST respect these boundaries you set. if she doesn't, think about possibly obtaining a restraining order against her. that way, she'll be SURE to leave you alone, otherwise facing jail time...all you have to do is say, "i don't want you in my life. you are not allowed to contact me in any way, shape, or form." either get caller ID and don't answer when it's her, or get a new, unlisted phone number. mark any mail she sends you "return to sender." keep your doors locked and if she comes over, do not answer the door. this should send the message to her loud and clear. if she keeps trying, get a restraining order. that should be your last resort, but if you need to do it, do it. this person is poison.
  9. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

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    I too have always been the type to just avoid the person. Eventually, they get the hint. I just don't take calls, tell someone I'm busy, block screen names. Start going to different hang outs. Make new friends. Eventually the person fades out of your life. Honestly if she is as messed up in the head as you say she is and manipulative, sitting her down and talking to her, might not be helpful, as she could quite possibly make you feel sorry for her, or what have you. She might not want to let you go, so she could make it difficult for you to cut ties. Good luck! :)

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