so I have been in the relationship I am in now for about five years now. Like any relationship it has it's ups and it's downs. After such a long time we have grown closer "of course" and continue to move forward with the relationship at a good pace. The odd thing that I am finding after five years is that we always argue "not fight" over the same things. Work, Money, and sex which I find to be sort of strange in it's own right. Work really is something that comes up because well I am the only one working. Money is really under my control but I still hold a great deal of debt "from previous engagements" that I will probably never get out of until she gets a job. This all brings me to the topic of sex! Now living with someone who doesn't work, makes no income, and has a very low sex drive is difficult. I have dealt with it in my own way in that I meditate, try to keep to my own hobbies, and generally do what I can to accept that even after being pretty much the dominate in this relationship. That the one field of sex is always going to be the one thing I will never have control over. So here in all that I question what is a guy like me supposed to do? If I have wants and most of them if not 95% of them are being meet but that stupid 5% "sex" isn't happening the way I want it too. What is a good way to go around it? Keep in mind I am a loyal guy and would never cheat. I have a very strict moral code also to always tell the truth so really that isn't a good answer. Thanks!
Madworld193, you sound like a really nice guy. I understand that sex is very important, especially for men. I'll tackle this from both sides since I can empathize. I have had low sex drive. There's a lot of reasons that women develop low sex drive. From a biological standpoint, at least for me, I had the highest drive when a relationship was new, and that is when oxytocin, a hormone, is highest - if we girls could take oxy as a recreational drug, I'd be all over it! It plays a role in that "falling in love" feeling that girls get off on and that makes us horny in the beginning, I think. But that's the proplem: over time, the novelty wears off and though we love our partners dearly, sex drive falls off. Secondly, I had very low self esteem (still do) relating to not carrying my weight. So, why isn't your GF working? She is probably not feeling too good about herself in that regard, which only leads to low self-esteem and maybe not feeling deserving of sexual attention. What other reasons might she have to have low self-esteem? When my sex drive was so in the toilet earlier in my marriage, my husband finally approached me and explained his frustration, that we were like room mates without the sex and that's not what he wanted. Well, that shook me up. He loves me and his admission prompted communication that we needed to have. I asked him how often would make him feel ok, and he said twice a week. I know this doesn't sound romantic at all, but I vowed to give him sex twice a week, acting as if even when I didn't feel like it. He put a lot of pressure on me to cum because he really got off on it and I think good men don't want to be takers, but it was hard for me to cum to begin with and I was already feeling bad about myself, so that added pressure made it even HARDER for me to come! Therefore, I compromised with him that one of our dates a week I'd come for him (and work my ass off to do it) and the other date I would focus on him and not try to come, and he was ok with that because at least he was getting his releases. I'd have this conversation with your GF. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, so if she isn't willing to do some things to improve hers and your situation, are you prepared to live your whole life with her and accept the status quo? We only have one life to live. For the longest time sex was such work for me, the orgasms weren't enough to make me want it, but at this point in my life, I've decided I want better for myself and my husband. I've gotten some more toys (I had gotten some in the past but never even thought about masturbating, didn't have fantasies - really, it rather sucked), and I have joined my husband on a swinging site he was always on. Used to piss me off that he'd go on there, but I couldn't blame him since I wasn't exactly putting out. I have allowed myself to fantasize about having other cocks, and my hubby has shared with me that he gets turned on by the idea. We actually, together, decided to meet a couple and have an experience. What works for me is that I get to have a new man show desire, something that triggers my sex drive, but in a consensual scenario with my husband, so it isn't cheating. So, please have a frank discussion with your honey. She may internally be quite unhappy and that only makes the prospect of sex poorer. Also, are you sending barbs her way for not contributing financially and being lazy? That REALLY won't help get you more sex. What were your plans, together? Marriage and children or just cruising along with the status quo? I think not enough sex is the tip of the iceburg here. Please try to be open to the fact that she probably is rather unhappy with herself. If she isn't and is happy just being a taker, then you need to figure that out now and perhaps decide to end the relationship. Good luck!
