Depression and Relationships: Useful Info

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by walkoflife, Apr 26, 2005.

  1. Sida

    Sida Member

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    I myself have borderline personality disorder and my SO is bipolar. Makes for a very difficult relationship. We've been together for 4 years now, married for almost 2. All of it has been an emotional roller coaster, and we can never seem to find solutions. We're both committed to staying together, but that light at the end of the tunnel is never near.
     
  2. Twiztid-nympho-Kay

    Twiztid-nympho-Kay Member

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    well depression is a very serious thing to worry bout no doubt people think that its nothing but i can tell you from experiance...it is important to deal with....i have found myself very much so depressed....but ive thrown myself out of it because me friebnds and family helped me through...all it takes is some kindness and support
    and if that doesnt work then go to your doctor and speak with them about paxel
    its very affective
     
  3. Laka

    Laka Member

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    St. Johns Wort
    its the natural cure for depression, it uses the plant known as "Hypericum perforatum."

    look it up, my mom offered it to me and ive been using it ever since.
    im against putting chemical drugs into my body, even more if it comes from a doctor.
    this is the safe path and definitly worth trying before jumping into anything else
     
  4. BornFree

    BornFree Member

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    shit man.. at least you can remember the last time you were happy. ive never felt the need to off myself, i know i would hurt far too many people but realistically its a dog eat dog kind of world, theres so much pain... being happy is such a foreign concept nowadays.
     
  5. woodsman

    woodsman Senior Member

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    So what do you do when the relationship is at least in part the cause of the depression?
     
  6. rainasweet

    rainasweet Guest

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    Some Sports will be good!
     
  7. woodsman

    woodsman Senior Member

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    I'm going to re-phrase my last post on this thread, So what do you do when the relationship is solely the cause of depression?
     
  8. julia123

    julia123 Member

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    Exactly cutelildearbear, you have hit the right point. I agree with you on every words you have said.
     
  9. quantum0menace

    quantum0menace Member

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    i was depressed for years... then got terrible anxiety attacks..
    i was in a relationship, and my boyfriend really helped me trough, he went through all that crap with me, you can imagine, dragging me out of bed, helping me through panic stuff...

    and now im better, and now he left me (bc of loads of "reasons", but my illness included...) --- ??? ---

    i feel... sad and devastated, of course... but also i am afraid i'll get clinically depressed again, with all this sadness and all... is it possible?

    and also, i feel i cant really blame him, coz i am/was ill, and i know how hard was it for him... and i am so grateful for all the things he's done for me.. which only makes me feel worse...

    and......
    to all those people who say that antidepressants dont work - well, as someone already said, dont tal about it if you havent been depressed...
    of course they help... sure, there are other remedies and stuff -- like, if u have lungs infection, there are many ways in which u can cure it. one is antibiotics, another one is drinking some smelly potions:), homeopathy...
    likewise with depression......... there are other ways in which to overcome it, but that is not to say that antidepressants do not work
     
  10. beautifulseas

    beautifulseas Guest

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    Hi,
    I am new to this site. My boyfriend and I of almost 2 yrs recently broke up. He was diagnosed with depression following a major change in his life. He was married at the time and his wife of less than a year left him one of her reasons being she could not deal with his depression . He is a nice guy who function pretty well. When we first started dating I would have known he even had depression until probably 5 months into the relationship signs started to appear. He had difficulities finding a job and he would often have crying outburst over it plus he had a nagative attitude towards life thinking only the rich would survive and he had been dealt such a bad card in life. He said twice he think he would be better of dead. He denies he suffer from depression and thinks it normal to react to life circumstance this way. Despite this we had a good relationship, wonderful friendship often talked about marriage and kids etc. He told me as soon as he find a good job he will get better. Well he did find a good and at first he never had an outburst. Well within a year in our relationship his divorce became final and suddenly he changed. He no longer had an interest in getting married or having kids. We had huges fight over this and his reasons were I change my mind. We always decided to work it out. I left the issue of marriage alone and just continued with the relationship, which became impossible. He became a nightmare to me. one day he would be in love and the other day he would isolate his self, he has a huge issue making decisions and always confuse about our relationship and the direction of his life in general, he always seem defeated despite him having a good job and a bright future, we would have a great week and have a normal couples disagreement and he would blow it up out of proporation stop speaking to me for days over the simpliest thing, he admits he know I would not hurt him but he can't help it he can't trust again, he is still negative, and get upset pretty easily and goes into these spells where he want to be by himself. His mother says he has these sads spills. He took medication for his depression once and stop saying he dont want to be dependant he will deal with it naturally. He never liked to admit he is depressed and even now saying he does not have depression. He still goes out and fun and can perform on his job. His mean problem is me the closer we get the more withdrawn he gets. He says he love me and want to do better but he can't help it. He would have an eposdiode then come and apologise telling he is sorry doing this to me he know i deserve better but he can't help it. He is telling my friends he love me but we don't get along and I want to be married and have kids on day and he doesn't. Do you guys think this is depression or normal behaviour for a divorce guy. (NB First year he sure he wanted us to be together?
     
  11. beautifulseas

    beautifulseas Guest

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    Hi,
    I am new to this site. My boyfriend and I of almost 2 yrs recently broke up. He was diagnosed with depression following a major change in his life. He was married at the time and his wife of less than a year left him one of her reasons being she could not deal with his depression . He is a nice guy who function pretty well. When we first started dating I would have known he even had depression until probably 5 months into the relationship signs started to appear. He had difficulities finding a job and he would often have crying outburst over it plus he had a nagative attitude towards life thinking only the rich would survive and he had been dealt such a bad card in life. He said twice he think he would be better of dead. He denies he suffer from depression and thinks it normal to react to life circumstance this way. Despite this we had a good relationship, wonderful friendship often talked about marriage and kids etc. He told me as soon as he find a good job he will get better. Well he did find a good and at first he never had an outburst. Well within a year in our relationship his divorce became final and suddenly he changed. He no longer had an interest in getting married or having kids. We had huges fight over this and his reasons were I change my mind. We always decided to work it out. I left the issue of marriage alone and just continued with the relationship, which became impossible. He became a nightmare to me. one day he would be in love and the other day he would isolate his self, he has a huge issue making decisions and always confuse about our relationship and the direction of his life in general, he always seem defeated despite him having a good job and a bright future, we would have a great week and have a normal couples disagreement and he would blow it up out of proporation stop speaking to me for days over the simpliest thing, he admits he know I would not hurt him but he can't help it he can't trust again, he is still negative, and get upset pretty easily and goes into these spells where he want to be by himself. His mother says he has these sads spills. He took medication for his depression once and stop saying he dont want to be dependant he will deal with it naturally. He never liked to admit he is depressed and even now saying he does not have depression. He still goes out and fun and can perform on his job. His mean problem is me the closer we get the more withdrawn he gets. He says he love me and want to do better but he can't help it. He would have an eposdiode then come and apologise telling he is sorry doing this to me he know i deserve better but he can't help it. He is telling my friends he love me but we don't get along and I want to be married and have kids on day and he doesn't. Do you guys think this is depression or normal behaviour for a divorce guy. (NB First year he sure he wanted us to be together
     
  12. Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

    Sir Digby Chicken Caesar Member

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    I can completely relate to this. There are two solutions. Solve the problems in the relationship which are causing the depression, maybe by going to counselling/therapy, if necessary. Or (and this is the more likely of the two) end the destructive relationship and get better on your own with the support of your friends and family.
     
  13. Tinkertiger

    Tinkertiger Member

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    can identify with this so well, had a breakdown many years ago because of relationship issues, and in my experience it does leave you open, sensitive and vulnerable.
    once again i find myself in a similar situation, but hopefully have identified the problems before it gets too out of hand, but which way to go this time?? that's indeed the million dollar question and it can't be made on the toss of a coin.
    just need some strength to make the right decision to prevent the slide back into the abyss, and to remind myself that depression (and any form of mental illness) shouldn't and does not hold a stigma.
    it's sad that too many people, even today, believe it does and never seek help.
    thank you everyone for this informative thread.

    and to everyone who has been there, or is there, i wish you a speedy recovery and solution.
     
  14. Sweetleaf63

    Sweetleaf63 Senior Member

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    Its good to hear you made it out of all the bullshit
    an was strong enough and smart enough to realize that
    you werent the problem or those ''mental illnesses''
    you were diagnosed of, but that something was missing
    or lacking in your life..
    I went through this same situation all through high school
    and man Im so glad I stopped taking meds after three and half
    fucking years..Sometimes I get mad at myself for realizing to
    late but It has made me stronger..
     
  15. loong12

    loong12 Guest

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    hi jackstrafromwitchita

    man, you seriously need some good reading. check out Ghandi work man. Have you yet? Meanwhile tell me if the ad at the top of page in qt2me.com is funny or not? Love man
     
  16. loong12

    loong12 Guest

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    Dizzy man, sensible advice indeed but did you have to tell everyone about Jesus? The thing is, your advice works with or without the word Jesus in your posting.
     
  17. TheSongRemainsTheSam

    TheSongRemainsTheSam Member

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  18. TheSongRemainsTheSam

    TheSongRemainsTheSam Member

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    It just hurts. Everything hurts. But nothing is causing me physical pain. My lack of sleep is slowly starting to cause lapses in judgement. I finally ate a bowl of cereal this morning. It tasted great but I couldn't eat the whole thing.

    What hurts the most is that my pain means nothing to her at all. She can just move on, no hesitation, no forgiveness, just hatred. She thinks I'm insane and have nothing but insane intentions. When all I really want is for us to be together again. Shes so insistent with moving on, that she has blocked my phone calls, got me banned from the chat room, wont answer my texts, instant messages. Even if I sent her a letter I'm almost guaranteed that she will rip it up before reading it. She already has a new interest in her love life, this angers me. I feel this inner churning feeling of immortal love. I've tried to kill it. I've went dating, I've hung out with my friends on a daily basis, but its not getting better. The fact that she is distancing from me only makes it hurt worse.

    Shes so ignorant of my pain because she cares about me. She knows that she will never be able to let me into her life again. She knows that if she starts to feel sympathetic about my pain, she will find out that she is the only healthy cure for it. I don't want to guilt trip her, but I cant stop feeling this way. "Come on dude, your a loser, stop being such a pathetic mess and get over it" to anyone with that opinion I hate you and I hope that opinion dies with you. If I could get over it, do you think I would be sitting here, pouring my guts out into a forum? I mean whoever reads this and cares is one of the few, and those who care enough to give advice are even fewer.

    Theres no motivation anymore. None.
     
  19. Giselle

    Giselle Member

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    I feel for you man, but life is all about letting go and starting all over again. Try to mingle with other people-- if dating another girl will help then go dating.. I'm asure a lot of singles will happily go dancing with you.

    Celebrate being single man, travel, have sex, do some salsa, meet beautiful women.. it helps to forget and sometimes forging a relationship with another will make you forget. Remember, time heals all wounds. So go and celeberate!!!
     
  20. TheSongRemainsTheSam

    TheSongRemainsTheSam Member

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    Whenever I'm with another girl it feels fake. Feels like everything I went through in the previous relationship was for absolutely nothing. Makes me second guess myself and loose trust in girls. They really don't seem to care, they can tell you that you mean everything to them and then completely disconnect from you with no hesitation or feelings of sadness.

    I think in reality they just want fresh meat. My meat has gone boring and she wants something new. I don't want anything new though. I cant tell myself that she meant nothing to me, which is exactly what I would basically be doing if I moved on and completely forgot about her. Something tells me I'd be letting go of something so sweet and good hearted, that I won't find it ever again. If this girl can drop me this easily, what about other girls? Can they drop me just as easily? It just feels like the entire relationship was a lie, and an entire two years of wasted time, while I thought I was progressing is a hard thing to get over.
     

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