Depressed Partner

Hi everyone I need a some advice. Im 24 with a 35 year old boyfriend, we live together in his mothers house now after rent became too expensive when our houemate left. we have been together since i was 20. We have had our share of bad times and getting used to each other coming from a naive virgin and a well experienced, very very well experienced older man. To be honest i wanted an older man because i wanted a guy who had his life together but i got the total opposite. we met at uni and that didnt work out for him, he has major depression, he has insomia so he goes to bed at 2 am yet cant sleep till like 6 am. he says its because he has no routine but he sleeps all day. when he awakes he gets a greasy pizza for dinner and he shouldn't eat that because he really needs to loose weight. I am studying and i work out, i cook dinners and i clean i myself have issues but i try to try where as i see him not trying. I have given up my life for him and my family and they hate me for being with him so they dont see me anymore. on the other hand i love him and he is a super great guy...yet i resent him because he does nothing at all. he is also fond of drinking at night and this has become a problem.

Does the good out weight the bad? I mean to have a person who is motivated, works and makes me feel like we are a team is great but then there are lots of assholes out there that do that.

what should i do? i dont want this for the rest of my life.

 

Sorry greenpurple but the good does not outweigh the bad. Now that you're no longer a 20 year old virgin it's also time to no longer be so naive. Stand back and look at this picture you are describing. It's a no brainer because there is NOTHING in the story to describe anything but a 35 year old depressed overweight out of work (actually you didn't say that) drinker who didn't make it through college. Not exactly Prince Charming and not Elon Musk either. Love and loyalty is admirable but this is more like being knee deep in quicksand with somebody who has already given up. I can't imagine that your sex life is too great either. So what's left in it for you? Martyrdom? I notice there is no mention of therapy, counseling, doctor visits, medications or any potentially healthy plan to get out of the quagmire with or without him. Don't get me wrong I feel bad for him and can relate. But you need to face facts and save yourself first. That resentment isn't going to magically disappear.

 

I'm a person that has given up on life. And he sounds like a person that has given up on life too. With people like that, they have to be on their own. Not because it's for their own good. It's not for their own good. It's for the sake and own good of the people that they interact with. However, it won't kill you to be with him. The miserable life you describe will keep on going. My sister is married to a man that wants her to stay at home taking care of his three kids, because he believes housework is for women, but at the same time he refuses to work. He is either out of a job or jumping between jobs. They're struggling so much in their marriage because of this deadbeat of a man. However, she has no plans on leaving him. As far as anyone is concerned she is happy with him, and her life. Point is, it won't be the end of the world if you stay with him. So, you can stay with him, and still have somewhat happy moments, regardless of living this miserable life you describe. Or you can leave, because like I said it's for your own sake, you're own good. Again, to be make it clear... it won't be for his own sake and good. He probably will always be like that until he dies by the mercy of life or the courage of his own hands. Or maybe he might change. Either way it doesn't matter, because this is about you. Not him. You're unhappy. You're the one making this thread. So, you decide what you want to do. You can try to help him. Maybe you might succeed, maybe not. You can leave, for your own sake. Or you can keep going with this life. It hasn't killed my sister, and he has been doing this for the past decade, probably longer. Whatever you decide it will be right for you.

 

Yeah, and by the sounds of it you are currently dating one

Take off the blinders

 

You didn't list any good things. Is there any good?

I say it's time to take out the trash .

 

Just think of all the motivated people out there, who would be glad to team up with you

 

I couldn't read all of that, but I think I got the gist from the first paragraph. It sounds like the guy needs some time to get things squared away for himself. If it were me, despite the four years invested, I would consider giving him the boot.

 

dude you fucking rambling about nothing In this response....go on being miserable?...holy shit that is horrible advice....ever heard of a space bar?


op-get the fuck out before you die miserable

 

I don't think he will change to be honest. You're such an optimist!

 

real nice of her to tell the op it could all end when the fucking douchebag offs himself....there is almost nothing in that response that is helpful...zero....come on for chrisakes...''whatever you decide will be right for you''...that's a pile of untrue garbage if I ever read it....people make horribly wrong descisions every day and the op is gonna pay with her entire life wasted on a loser living in his moms house at age 35

I see nothing optimistic about that post whatsoever...

or are you being sarcastic?

the entire world would be happier if everyone left their loser partners and went on to a real and fulfilling life

 

dp

 

I think it's optimistic to think the guy might change, as she suggests in part of her lengthy statement.

I have to agree with rolling. I don't think that sticking it out is the best advice.

 

There's always the possibility that he is a super genius who can't reveal his secrets for fear of being ridiculed and this is what is making him depressed, but eventually he will win the Nobel Prize and you'll both be fantastic millionaires.

 

What? Some people rather deal with being miserable than have to start over. And that is completely okay.

 

He might or he might not. It can really go either way. For us to think he won't change is just going to make matters worse. Aren't we trying to make matters better here, not worse?

It doesn't even matter whether or not he will change. This isn't about him. It's about her. It's about her being unhappy. What she wants to do. What she can and cannot bare with.

 

If you don't agree with me, that's fine.
It still may OR MAY NOT be helpful advice. It really depend on the person.
And people who are depressed do commit suicide sometimes. For us not to think or talk about that, is untrue garbage. For all we know he may attempt suicide when she breaks up with him.
I'm starting to want to not reply to your comments and just put you on block. You're just fucking around now. If you can't have a reasonable conversation with me that may or may not differ in opinions than go... do something else.

 

wrong again sunshine...that is just being insecure if you cant leave a partner.....

''starting all over''???????????...here is some more news...if you think people that break up must start all over you are mistaken.....the expression is ''moving on''....for fuck sakes....a refugee from a war torn country claiming asylum has to ''start all over''.....

you have said yourself in many places here on hip that you consider your life to be a miserable mess....I am very sorry for that...but now you are projecting what failed you and encouraging others to do the same

you should actually listening to what others say to you because you could learn a lot....

 

kiss my ass....I don't give a flying fuck if the asshole blows his brains out...she is better off that way....people get over a death...they don't get over wasting their life on losers


go ahead and block me...like I fucking care

 

Wow. Okay!

Well, she does have to start over in terms of finding a new place to live, reestablishing relationships that were lost because of this relationship, so for some people this is starting over. But, you think it's moving on, that's fine. Like I said, it depends on the person.

I'll listen if the person was a true friend. Not if it's a judgmental person like you that is bordering, if not has already crossed trolling. You said it yourself you don't care. Shouldn't I listen to people who care about my wellbeing?

Keep going, I may or may not have blocked you by this time. I may or may not reply to you either. It depends on my tolerance level.