I can't forget about him, no matter how hard I try, we only dated for 5 months..on and off on and off and on again but in that short space of time we did so much together and I lived with him for 2 full on weeks and met his family. Basically we met through a mutual friend, he came across as a bit rude at first, didn't know how to approach speaking to me in a correct manner accidently insulting me without realizing it, but the more time I spent with him he felt more relaxed around me and we started a relationship with each other. We have very little in common but we both really fancied each other and liked each other a lot. I took interest in his hobbies, was a doting girlfriend. But he started acting strange, avoided spending time with me, said he would see me then not show up, try and set me up with a friend instead..all sorts of weird ways to get out of the relationship. He told me he doesn't trust women and got cheated on 3 times. He hated the fact I have more male friends than female, and I hang around with them and ended things when he found out I slept on a male friends couch after a night out (nothing happened, it was all innocent) but I admitted it was a bit weird and promised to never repeat it. We got back together after missing each other but he never let me forget about that one night, then he would become so very controlling and accuse me of ignoring him and not telling him where i'm going and so on. He ended it about 4 times until he finally said ''I can't do this anymore I have serious issues, I don't trust you'' Its been about 2 months since he split, we still talk and in the past week we have been flirting none stop and ended up sleeping together the other night. I miss him like mad again, although we both know it can't work as were chalk and cheese and he simply doesn't trust me. But other issues arise for me, his mate that set us up has a new female friend and they all hang out together and she seems to be sniffing around my ex, which I'm paranoid about as I have feelings for him. But I cannot explain it, I know he's bad for me but I miss him so much and I'm really depressed about it and worry about him getting someone else. I feel sick when I see pictures. What can I do to feel better? I feel like theres no-one else...it doesn't help that I can't find a job and stuck with these thoughts every day. I'm also quite shy so I don't go out a lot...ironic as I was dumped for aparantly hanging around lads too much. Advice much appreciated thanks!
Sounds like your dependent on the idea of having a stable boyfriend to be affectionate with, which might be compounded by how good the sex was in that relationship however dysfunctional it was. I think if you gave yourself an honest self-analysis, I doubt that there's anything special about this particular guy you like, rather it's the fear of change and of the new that gives you more anxiety. My advice is to focus on a hobby (collection, sport, charity/volunteer work) getting a new job, and over time increase your chances of general socialization to increase confidence and work on curbing your natural shy nature. You don't have to be a completely new person or shun yourself for being naturally shy, but do get out there just to be out there without any specific romantic goal. If a romantic opportunity arises, jump on it, just be safe. As for your hangups about this girl around your ex, you're probably just gonna have to let him go, otherwise you'd be just as controlling over him as he was over you. That isn't healthy. --- Unrelatedly, I want to say based on your OP, that i don't think you're the type of person that can handle Friends-With-Benefits relationships...it's too emotionally draining on you and you seem to build up expectations for something more at an emotional level.
I understand what your saying, it's just not easy is it. I think it has got a lot to do with lack of hobbies, social activities and so on. I'm 27 and I just want a companion now, I'm so lonely, I guess it isn't healthy seeing as I relied on this guy to make me feel better again. I just don't have anything going on in my life and it hurts for me to not be good enough for him.
People aren't here to make others feel good about themselves. That's a tall order for a partner! You control how you react, and feel longer term, to a situation. Rewrite your script.
