Depressed, lonely, hopeless, and dying.

I was first diagnosed with depression over 12 years ago, and not long after that, agoraphobia. I've always had social anxiety, though, and it's made it nearly impossible for me to meet anyone. And since I live in a small redneck town in Alabama, and I'm different from the norm....nobody around here likes me or even bothers with me. It's not possible for me to move either, as I am on disability and it's barely enough to pay bills or buy groceries.

I've reached the point to where I'm tired of living. If I had the guts to kill myself I'd already be dead.....so instead I'm drinking hard....and this tooth infection I have...well...I've refused antibiotics and any kind of help. The doctor told me it could kill me in a year as it's really bad. Good.

I can't live with all this loneliness anymore. The people I want to be friends with usually don't like me or get the wrong impression. And I'm so sick of it being guys only wanting to take advantage or use me.I've been abused to much in my life by guys, and my family. I've reached the point to where I just want to be friends with girls or feminine guys.

I'll post more later. Writing all of this has made me upset.

 

sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.

I don't believe in trying to talk people out of suicide, but rather reminding them that there is probably a way to make things better and to be glad to be alive.

Suicide by dental abscess seems like a bad way to go. For one thing, its probably not too pleasant. Secondly, you won't have control over when it kills you (if it kills you), and you may have changed your mind by then. Thirdly, there's a good chance that it will just mess you up and be painful rather than killing you.

Getting therapy might be helpful if that is available to you.

You might want to check out the book "Curing Depression Naturally with Chinese Medicine" by bob flaws.

I bet there is a way you could move, though it certainly might be difficult since you have a limited budget and have health issues.

If you could move, what place do you think you would want to move to?

 

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you tried any type of medications for your depression? I would usually suggest that someone avoid them unless they have no other choice, but it sounds like you're at your wits end so they are probably worth a shot.

Exercise and vitamins B12 and D can help, especially if you're not getting outside much or eating well.

 

Not a fun list of symptoms by a couple of peeople here ^^.

I can relate somewhat. I'm on disabilty pension and live in 'cow country'. Have got an impacted wisdom tooth too. .. giving me bad headaches and wiping me out. I have staph infection that gives me skin sores that's hardly affected by the anti biotics that make my guts crook. And I'm trying to recover frm chronic Faitigue Syndrome. Plus whatever else these nerve? pains are from. Etc.
I only know a couple of people and they don't visit. If I don't contact anybody noone notices.

Just saying so you know it's not just happening to you. Normally I would have sent a PM instead of this but you need more posts before that opens.

Infected tooth will prob make you really sick and maybe? a hole in your face. Could kill you eventually I suppose.

Yeah it sucks but it's not new.
Buddha said :
3 Inevitables are Illness, Aging and Death.
Universe is Impersonal, Imperfect a Impermanent.

I've got some plus side things going for me too tho since I'm such a cool dude, hahaha. :beatnik:

 

Welcome to Hip Forums, Cassandra!

Stick around here for a while and you'll feel better soon.

This forum site is full of great people. Takes a while getting used to everyone here.

This site and it's members helped me out of a huge hole (mentally) in my life when I joined.

I'm grateful to have found this place.

 

could be worse

im sure theres many people out there with the same problems as you...but theyre not lucky enough to know how to hook into that disability free money program and they have to work in pain scrounging cash jobs and rack up huge credit card debt to pay their bills

just sayin'






oh and welcome to hipforums :sultan:

 

sorry to hear this Eon. Can you get medical help for the tooth?

 

thanks for your concern.
I've had an x-ray taken and I have 3 different appointments booked at 3 different places. Appts range from most expensive specialist the soonest (In about 4 days time) to the cheapest at some unknown future time on a list of unknown length.
Have been saving hard and cancelled other medical so I can afford to get this looked at as soon as possible.
Hoping it's going to get taken out easily by a skilled specialist. Am worried tho cos it's impacting but not erupting.

Then I can go back to some of my other problems.

 

I am taking anti depressants, but they're not helping, mainly because my depression isn't entirely caused by a chemical imbalance. But due to loneliness, having to live in a negatice environment around a non supportive family.

And memories of past abuse is beginning to haunt me worser and worser. I was verbally abused by my dad and bullied at school.....

 

Sounds like somebody needs a couple dozen cats to keep them company.
Damn thats great to hear about your dad though. Some of us wish we had a dad that only verbally abused us.

 

Tell your shrink your antidepressants aren't working and you want to try different meds next time you see him. Doesnt matter why you think you're depressed. The right meds should work regardless. Itd be nice to be happier wouldn't it?

 

no you dont have to take the abuse...its kind of the point that everyone is making (although in different ways)
you have the ability to get on the pc so you are clearly smart enough to leave. you say money is an issue but it dosnt cost money to walk away, take you last paycheck and use it to go somewhere that nobody knows you if you need to get away from the same insulting people. or take some pills to make you not care about what people say to you. but i can tell you this much. bitching about it isnt going to make anything better so why stay in your current situation if it isnt going to get better?

 

I thought I was gonna perish like that and I came close I guess. I don't get any ebt or disability or anything, but I got away. I'm still at that point where I give thanks everyday for a day in a better place with people that aren't making me miserable haha "just to look at let alone when they speak". I also got the teeth under control with natural antibiotics and everything is the same - but it's not. Everyday I hope I can sell something or make some money but it's difficult right now. But I live in a house that feels good and maybe today will have some gain in it for me.
Wish you could see your way clear to getting some money up and going somewhere more suitable to you. Don't know what else you can do. You're wasting moments of peace, happiness and adventure sitting there, I do know that. Out there somewhere there are "people and culture" (there are!) and you just need to aim for an area that is going to be more like you.
When you move, pretend you are not a mess for others, even if you are. You know no one likes that or wants to have sympathy. Just look for the good and keep the negative secret until they "exchange places" ie until you feel more peace or happy and less unhappy. Best Wishes! Life will kill you if you let it, but as you have found, it is a slow rotting grind that you could as easily filled with happiness and adventure. Forget the stupid antidepressants. They're just a kind of 'tard trick that only changes so much for a very limited time.

 

Yeah, you need to forget all that and quit playing like something someone says can hurt you for more than 5 seconds. It can't. Just a trick some people try.

 

Cassandra,

I'm sorry that you've had to put up with abuse from kokujin. He's angry because some women have put him in the friend zone, so he makes personal attacks on innocent women.

He gets banned a lot because of the way he behaves here.

You may want to visit www.suicideforum.com or other suicide related forums.

 

I'm not a medical professional but have you ever been tested for ADHD?
Many people with ADHD are diagnosed with depression. But when treating for ADHD the depression goes away.

 

Well yeah, speed is the original "anti depressant" ahaha! At least until you come down. But yeah I can see where you just add adhd to your dx...if you need a diagnosis and illness to justify a little speed. ? But whatever the #%@$ breaks the evil spell so you can go through the bother of living again while there is still time to. A couple billion not long for this life people wish they had as much and as much chance as you. Sure many of them would wish you well seeing as you do have a chance.

 

Have you ever studied ADHD and the effects on people's lives it holds?
It's not a made up condition or is it a bunch of tweakers looking for a fix.
ADHD can make someone live a very isolated existence . Feeling misunderstood constantly. Feeling like they try so hard but have never been able to come close to reaching their full potential. Its a lifetime affliction that has to have shown up your whole life. Drugs like adderall do not affect people with add the same way as a normal person. I have add and suffered for years because I didn't want to take meds. But when you can't fix it on your own you do what you can to get better. Adderall makes me feel like I should, way more normal, more focused, way less constant fogginess. Not high or buzzed in any way.in fact within 30 minutes of the first time I tried it the lifetime fog lifted. It was like giving glasses to someone nearly blind for the first time. If adderall cured your heart disease would you take it? Add is just as serious as any other affliction. Your average add person lives 15 years shorter than the normal person because they feel overwhelmed constantly and the stress kills. Not to mention the quality of life is much lower. I don't expect someone without add to understand. Their is no way you could. Walk in a room with 50 TV sets going on full blast constantly changing channels and then try and hold a serious conversation with someone with the noise blaring and the channels flipping constantly. That's what it's like 24/7 for someone with add. It's completely overwhelming but because we are born with it we think we are normal. On top of it we are judged as excuse makers, lazy, unorganized, weird, and my favorite add isn't real. I wish you could see in my head for 2 minutes and then tell me that add isn't real or tell me you wouldn't do what you could to help yourself and the people around you.

 

that tv analogy is pretty accurate

 

you said you've reached the point of just wanting to be friends with girls or feminine guys...well focus on that. it's not so bad.

and if you're lonely..post on the forums more. you only have two post, so welcome to HFs. log in to the chat room.