So as many of you know I left an organic farm back in November, due to personal issues arising between myself & the others at the farm. I have since been homeless & living at a Christian mission. Recently I received word that the farm's manager wants me back, from his own email no less. Trying to decide if I should go. I'm gonna lay out the pros & cons, hopefully you who are my family these days can help me decide which is best. While on the farm I stayed in the communal work exchange cabin, worked from 9am to 7pm in the fields & was being trained as the animal manger, job duties entailed introducing new workers & visitors to the various animals, teaching new workers what their week on animal chores would entail, checking for sickness often, herding, raising chicks, maintaining the enclosures, adjusting diets as needed, and sending animals out when necessary. I also sometimes helped with the weekly farmers market. While there I was constantly immersed in nature, I meditated daily, and often took long lonely walks in the nearby forest. When I wasn't struggling with my recent divorce I was happy and content. At the mission I stay in a large communal dorm setting, I am tasked with, at least up to recently, donations management, which entails sorting all donated items we receive into respective areas and giving those items out as necessary, front desk management, which entails answering phones dealing with walk-ins, keeping guys on task, filling out residency logs, etc, meal route deliveries, and generally floating around doing what I'm told. I attend mandatory bible studies, thrice daily, which I occasionally lead, & mandatory church services three times a week. If we're not Christian around here we get the boot. I can't go for walks without accompaniment, no one here can, I stay in this building all day every day. That said I have enjoyed myself here as prior posts can attest. I like meeting these other guys & hearing their stories, I love helping others, but that's about it honestly. Where should I be in your opinions? Please help me decide
My question would be: What are your goals for the future? For your career? Do you want to do farm work? Which of these opportunities would best lead you to your goal? My first reaction would be to return to the farm, as you had more freedom and didn't have to pretend to be something that you weren't, in theory. And what about option x: Could you get a job somewhere else? As a server or something? Find a roommate and support yourself with another job? Go back to school perhaps?
Yep my mind pretty much went the same direction as YFM. My instinct would be go back to the farm.. You can always move on somewhere else from there. (you mentioned last year about perhaps going to California in Spring?) But I'd be wary about what happened last time. Do you feel it would be stable? You were accused of theft, if I remember correctly. Did this manager have anything to do with that? Why does he want you back now?
I concur with Option X. Maybe the farm would be the best place to use as a jumping off point from which to reach other goals, since your freedom, both of mind and of movement, is not so restricted there. But I think ultimately you'll feel happiest if you set some sort of goal for yourself and start moving towards independence rather than living on someone else's property and being subject to their rules and their whims. Might take a while to get there but it would at least be helpful to make this decision with that in mind
Between these two options I would give the farm and your former employer (who doesn't sound as the reason why you left) another chance. But you didn't list the cons. Why are you doubting?
I've been more of the just be kind of cat. Philosophically I ascribe to the Wu Wei concept, action through non-action. As such there's no particular thing that gets me off, I just enjoy being. As to option x, that'd pretty much be just taking off and walking. He did, but I think he's realized he was wrong, otherwise why ask me to come back? See above. I've found that goals in life, for me personally, always end in disaster, see above for mindset. I'm doubting because here at the mission I am at least in a stable environment. Going back to the farm, I've no clue what to expect.
I love the "just be" concept, but there is a practical limit to it. Even a practicing Buddhist monk isn't completely surrendering to the forces of the universe. Why don't you try and acquire some sort of trade? Something that you can bring with you wherever you go--wherever the universe takes ya?
I am less sure there are practical limits, but if your perspective is driven by things you have aimed for, failing.. That seems like fear, and I don't think not aiming for something because you're scared it will fear is a good way to be. Only you can really know what's best for you.. I kinda think you should expect an apology over the accusations.. The way you had to leave is the biggest apprehension I would have over returning. If you stay at the mission, what do you see happening over the next few years? I don't really understand why you aren't allowed to go for a walk alone..
