Death of Infidelity

You scare me, Yazzz. A lot. It seems you're the kind of control freak that can't let go, even when a woman has said it's over. She's your girl no matter what, right? And she has no right to live her life without you. I've known two women who were in similar relationships; one is dead by the hands of her ex husband and the other is maimed (so that nobody else would want her, he said).

So you scare me, Yazzz. A lot. Women are people too. They have dreams and aspirations just like you, and when they decide someone does not meet their expectations they have every right to go in a different direction, even if their husbands/boyfriends don't like it and don't accept it.

I don't know how old you are. Maybe you're young enough to learn. If so I hope you read carefully what other people are saying to you in this thread.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into your posts, here and in other threads. Maybe you're a Muslim, in which case you really scare me, Yazzz. More than a lot, because then you would be cloaking your insecurities in religion - which always makes you right.

 

Well if you truly love someone, you cant hate them. Id prefer that she cheated on me than died. I did have a woman cheat on me and I never really had the same passion since then, but people can get over cheating. Even if she cheats on you and you truly love her, you are upset but not enough to want her to die, right? Her death would be hard for me if she was honest or not. It may just be me but welfare of a sinner is more important than any sin in itself.

 

I think you read too much into things It was just a theoretical question and I tend to side more with the "cheating would hurt more" probably because I've been lied to and "betrayed" before in past relationships so I have a context when it comes to that type of hurt.

I definitely do have some control tendencies but it's not anything like what you think it is just because I've said things in other threads that questioned your behavior.

I think it's a bit biased for you to call me a control freak just because I'm not like your husband letting you sleep with other men... You seem like the one with more insecurities about men who are controlling and I don't really know where the muslim comment came from but then again you're from Tennessee...

Also I'm in my 30's

 

Also, this is not what I would "choose" to do. You people don't seem to be able to understand the difference or the separation.

If I was given the choice to choose I would definitely prefer she cheated on me to death. What I was talking about was what I thought I am better built to deal with emotionally and I think I'm a lot more fragile when it comes to betrayal than I am when it comes to losing someone from death.

The reason I asked and the things I've learned from people's responses is that I am probably just not aware of how much it would hurt to lose her from death. Sometimes you do not really know how you are going to feel until something actually happens... shit most of the time it's that way.

 

Also, Amyoxl, the more I think about this the more I think you are just injecting your own insecurities into that comment you made because I criticized you in that other thread.

I am actually much less the control freak in my relationship. She is the one who doesn't want to share or open the relationship or anything like that and was pretty adamant about it when I brought up the idea.

What I was talking about was betrayal or disloyalty, not possessing someone. Those two things are very different and I would never endorse controlling type behavior.

 

Hmmm, did you just insult everyone from Tennessee? The muslim content came from the fact that Muslim men feel like they own their women, a tendency that you seem to share with them, as evidenced by your comment about my husband "letting" me sleep with other men, like he owned me. So I guess the people of Tennessee should be proud to be insulted by someone who thinks that way

Also, Yazzz, if I held a grudge against everybody who criticized me. I'd be a miserable person. Actually I am a very positive person, plus a very secure one by the way, and I try to learn from other's criticizms. So, I thank you for criticising me in whatever thread you are referring to.

Oh, and no need to thank me, Yazzz - I don't criticize for gratuities, only to help.

By the way, I'm sorry for the "contol freak" remark - I really didn't have enough evidence to call you that.

 

Are you Muslim?

 

So hypothetically she cheated on you. Wouldn't you rather (since you love her) give her a second chance and work on building back your trust with her. Ultimately resolve the issue and have the rest of your years together then lose her forever with no way to communicate with her ever again?

 

No. I practice no religion but was raised catholic. I am quite anti-religious actually. Any other stereotypes you've created for me from reading my forum posts?

 

I can't really say what I'd do in that situation as it's never happened to me but I would probably leave her - I've tried giving people second chances in the past when they've broken my trust but I never trusted them again so I probably wouldn't waste time trying again.

You can love many different people and find many different mates that will make you happy - it's not like it's the end of the world if you lose a relationship because of that. I would just hope that kids are not in the picture if that ever happened.

This is sort of off subject though anyways. Thanks to those who did respond saying they had experienced both and considered death to be more painful - those are the people I was sort of hoping to hear from. I think most of the rest of you missed the point.

 

Didn't see this post at first. You are hypersensitive in my opinion, you just don't see it. You pick out minor things in text like your husband "letting" or some shit - no one except you probably even noticed that.

The post I was referring to was where I told you that I didn't think you sleeping with another man where you described it as "sharing intimate moments" while your husband does not participate in the open relationship was an unhealthy dynamic and my instinct was that something was wrong with that and remained unseen.

Funny that you have figured out so much about me from my various posts yet you forgot about the one that was probably the most relevant to you.

I don't think you are all that bright to be honest.

P.S. - Not all muslim men think they OWN their wife.

 

Sheeze, me hypersensitive - lol.

Oh, that one!

I'm happy to have amused you

I'm just not the dimmest bulb in this thread

You really are Muslim, aren't you? I knew it!

 

No need to turn this into a personal attack thread, lets keep the peace and stick to the topic at hand.

 

Yeah, the smiley totally makes it okay

 

Well, if someone cheated on me I would cut them off. So, it would be like a death to me, for all intents and purposes.

Nor, would I care about their lives apart from me...so, I'd place it on an even keel.

 

He's the first person I've trusted this way so to have him cheat would be really fucked up and I know I'd take it pretty badly. But he's like family and he's a huge part of my life so I'd much rather him cheat than die...I'd rather him hurt me, than to live with never seeing him or talking to him again.

 

It's interesting how people respond differently to that. I am like Cherea I would cut her off completely if she cheated on me - it's just one of those things for me that there is no going back. But I'm pretty sure were I to cheat on her she'd forgive me. Just different personality types I guess - probably why we compliment each other so well.

 

He's changed my life so much and helped me grow. All for the better. It would be very difficult for me but I'm sure that I would always want him to be a part of my life.

 

You make no sense. Go jump off a cliff.

 

Cheating is awful, especially since all I ask of a partner in terms of fidelity is to come home every day, and totelle what they want or what happened. Tell me when others enter our cipher. That's it. However, expcting that no one is perfect we can work through betrayal as long as it isn't chronic. But death? There will always be a part of me still feeling bereft. Always. I'd rather the cheating.