Everyday I see scores, hundreds even thousands of people running from death. Litteraly they run for health or health causes as if this will make the end any easier. They join, they read the write about how to avoid death. I see them at the beaches and in the mountain valleys. But sooner or latter they all cross a warehouse. Romm after room of dead and dieing. Some come thinking they will go home. And some even insist. Others are already in a living chemical death. Patches applied to the back so they can't be scratched of. Mussel contractions too intence for any drug. They are rolled into day rooms across the first world. (Death in the 3thrd world is something much more present, and this isn't about that--but It could be...) The drool and sleep while church groups run bingo games or play cheeful music on elelctric pianos. Some meet with doctors or groups of doctors in hopes of avoiding the issue. Making in about recovery. But life is a mortal state and the only end is death. You can't out run it. No amount of blindness will keep you from meeting it, and yet so many people are amazed when it happens to them. When I look back on how I lived I have few regrets. It doesn't shock me when I hear things have gotten out of control. Maybe it will change again but I really don't wish it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've been here before and maybe I will again. It's the nature of life.
I recently got a phone call from my ex-wife. We haven't seen each other in 30 years but have mamaged to remain close friends inspite of the fact that she lives in France, and sometimes with her mother in Televise. I lost touch last summer when she had gone to Televise to work with the UN Emergency relief. this branch of the UN relief org. is responsible for what is called 'rescue relief' meaning it is done in the most dire of circumstances. Last somer she had left her mothers house in Israel to work at a un aid station in one of the hardest hit areas in Gaza. This may sound odd but it's one of the few things we agreed on. She supported Israelis right to defend themselves and was at the same time in complete empathy with people of Gaza. Normally she lives in a small ski town in the French alps. I assumed I would find her there after the hostilitys in Gaza died down. But I never did. Then a few days ago she sent me an e-mail from England that really made me shiver. It's not about something that I've never seen. I'n fact when I was 19 I first this same sort of this happen almost everyday in Relief camps in Central Africa. But this story for some reason--well I should just tell it. Her english is shirty so I may paraphrase here and there. I promis to stay as close to what she wrote as posable. We had been working the city of 'omited' in north central Syria for 3 months. Originally a city of over 500,000 the civilian population had shrunk down to about 10,000 people either unable or unwilling the leave. We had been forced to use a long narrow street that transected the city to pass out whatever food we could during daylight hours. An unspoken truce has been in place most of this time. But around sunset everyday you could hear Syrian army or isis taking positions and often fireing small arms or even rockets as we desperately trued to make certain everyone who showed up got some food. My job was to go out into this 5kl long passage and passout 'Tickets'. I wold verify - the best I could -how much food each person needed. Many where there to get food for younger sibs, older relatives and even injured family members. I got to know the regulars pretty well. ISIS often sent young boys in to get food as well. Three of these boys and one young woman tried to send suicide bombers in when I began denying food and light first aid to them. They were easy to spot. They tended to speed differently from the civilians. (She goes on here about something that happened to me in a related topic - but it's not important.) I met a young boy maybe 12 or even 14 who came every day to get food. He was funny and smart. Somehow he was growing vegitables on the roof of his building and he would teach others how to do the same during the long hours of waiting. When I had the chance I spend sometime him or groups just to ease the anxiety. His name was "Mohamed' and he had more education than I would have expected. He said his grandfather had a collection of books in hard back. Things didn't get better and more and more people began showing up in tears. Family members lost, homes lost and yet everyday they came back. One day last winter Mohamed told me his grandfathers books has been lost. The Syrian army took the family home for it's strategic value. He had found bunker where they could live. Even through this he did not fall into the robotic function that many had. As if they were just going through the motions. But a few weeks ago snow in Lebanon stopped the flow of bread and vegetables and even that wonderful WHO paste. One very cold day I showed up 3 other vans to passout the last of the food we expected to have for a week or as everyone knew, perhaps forever. Our jo was to give out everything we has tied down. I got several kilos of mung and alfalfa and clover seeds and passed those out. I made sure Mohamed got as many as I could give him and explplained that they would grow with just a little water. But he refused to leave. He sat in tears begging me, asking me "how can I go home and tell my younger brothers and sisters I have no bread?" I tried over and over to tell him we would be back in a few days. I knew this was unlikely. For many reasons. I tried to get him to go home, to his family but as our vehicles began to leave and dark fell he refused to move. As we drove off he was just sitting in a freezing rain as the fighting picked up. I don't know if this story has a meaning. How many decades have we been doing this? And a what cost? And yet here I am. Taking 2 week required break in England as I make arrangments to go to Iraq or Turkey in April. Turkey has changed by the way since we lived there. Sometimes I wonder weather which of us got the better end of things. If I were in your position I don't think I could bare it. And they'er talking about cutting the age requirements again. I'm 50 now and in 5 years I'll be forced to work in the offices. And to think, there was a time when we dreamed there would no need for us. Foot note: She makes it sound as if something awful has happened to me. I live in Hawaii, and mostly teach and record music. I couldn't go back if I wanted however. It's no big thing. This isn't about me or Michelle. It's about hunger, mainly child hunger. There are somethings that just aren't tolerable. In my opinion this is one.
if it's Ginsberg I 've heard it--but I listened again anyway. I met Ginsberg once along with William boroughs. In Lawrences Kansas of all places. A friend and sometimes co-worker taught there with Burroughs. This was a long while ago.
You could drink water all your life and live completely on fresh nutritious food and you could even exercise for hours a day and you know what? You're still going to die.
I don't know what prompted me to post that in reply to your thread. It just came to me out of the blue, so as I always do, I followed that impulse from who knows where.
Absolutely. I find it strange that in western culture people don't like to talk about that definite event that one day we are going to face. Since I have been ill, I almost think of it now as the most interesting new experience I'm likely to have (having lived a very full life and experienced a great deal). Still, as long as I'm alive, I want to get the maximum out of it that is possible.
Compelling story and sad for those people. Death is an enemy that no one outruns, but i know who has the keys to death and Hades.
Have you seen the ware houses? If your rich you can get into one that doesn't smell so bad. I was comited to one of the worst last july. I was told it was for therapy but it was the long term care unit. When the drugs wore off I paniced and insisted I be sent home. I died 30 years ago. And I came back buut if death came to collect tonight I'd gladly go without packing my bags. Ironicly I'm not depresed,and for the most part I'm happier now than at many times before the incedent that turnned the worm.