Dear -GOD-,,,,,

Rev -

Sorry. I don't fix blind dates anymore. I did it once for Mary Magdalene and she turned it into a prostitution front after a while.

You must find the right mate for yourself. You will see the light of her soul once you meet her - or in other words, I can't do shit for you here...

 

hippiehillbilly, how can you say that you killed Jesus? I've seen you as Jesus in many sig pics. Aside from that thou cannot harm Jesus. He is eternal. As for the hat thingie, thou art in deep shit. I do not find it amusing, that and the time you were drunk and put a crucifix up your brother's ass. It hurteth him twice; putting it in, taking it out...

 

Angelgodiva, anal sex is ok with me. Believe me. I have nothing against it. Believe me...
What I don't want is if you have a whole football team going in there. Thou must not mix-up archeology with anal sex. The anus is not an exploratory region to be visited by large teams.
Sleep in peace tonight. Just don'teth forget to make TWO prayer. Why? Well, c'mon kiddie, I wasn't born yesterday you know... If you had anal yesterday, I don't think you thought of making your prayer that night... And screaming "God, God!" while "doing it" doesn't count as a prayer...

 

Olhippie, Eric Clapton isn't God. If he was he wouldn't have died raped by 5 black guys. Huh? He's not dead yet? Oh, we're not the 15th of June yet... Sorry...
God is a busy man, I don't have a union or anything up here so, I work all the time some crazy hours. I promise though to check my calendar before I say stuff like that again...

 

Kacey -

God is not a garagist or an ass surgeon. God is looking at your heavy number of posts... If thou didn't posteth so much...well...
I want you thou to know though that God loves you very-very much... He looks into his crystal ball each night... I can't do much about the ass thingie but when you die, God has a very special place for you on his own personnal cloud...

 

This is rich! lol
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"Grilled cheese sandwiches will save the world!"

 

this is the best thread ever.

 

I knew you'd write this.

 

lord, in regards to my prayer for a better ass...couldst thou make it to where i don't turn into a drooling pervert whenever i putin the work out discs? or give my girlfriend the ass, she only has dial-up, so is not on the computer as much.my husband has put the computer in the office, so that i canst be on here as much as i used to, only when baby is sleeping or eating.

 

Like I told you, I'm not too good with asses...

If you like though, I can seperate the waters in your pool?

I can have some fire rain down from the sky on your neighbors?

Locusts in someone's fridge? I used to do it all the time to St-Paul.

I can also change water to a Dom Perignon '55?

Name it.

 

can you teach my kitten not to poop in my houseplants?

 

Nope.

That has to do with free-will.

I can't touch that.

It's my kryptonite.

 

hmmm. i'm all out of good beer...

 

Soooo.....?

You think I'm gonna come down on a delivery bike or something here?

Free wine if you show your face at church once in a while...

 

but, lord, our church only serves grape juice!! though there is that really cute girl that keeps hitting on me...

 

Wine is made from grapes.

Wine can help you score the bitch.

God would like you and her on his cloud.

It's been a long while since God scored. The last time was with Holy Mary.

Then she kept nagging me when she died about that brat Jesus...

I felt so guilty that I put my infinite libido away for a few millenias.

That can be a bother, not mentionning the pimples that come up...

 

i bet you get nasty headaches, with head as large as your own, being omniscient and all. i know if i'm without, i get terrible headaches.

 

NO NO NO,, TWAS A POLISH CHICKEN,, I NAMED JESUS,, AN I WAS DRUNK THEY ACTUALLY CALL THEM "TOP KNOTS"DOWN HERE,,....

AN YES I RUNG HIS LIL FUCKIN NECK,,, HE WAS ALMOST DEAD ANYWAY...

AS FAR AS THE CRUCIFIX UP MY BROTHERS ASS,,,NEVER HAPPENNED,, BUT IF WE EVER SEE HIM AGAIN WE WILL SHOOT FIRST THEN CALL THE LAW,, THEN ASK QUESTIONS....

 

The gig is losing its pep. Anything after a few pages and taking your persona out of this thread is going too far with it.

Seriously.