dealing with insecurity

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by raul7, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. raul7

    raul7 Member

    Argh, I hate making this thread but this is really starting to annoy me.

    I met my gf about 2 months ago and we've been going out for the past 1 and a half months.

    We're pretty tight so far, always wanting to see each other, etc etc. It's going quite well.

    Only problem is, I would consider this my first proper relationship, whereas she's been in heaps. She's also much more experienced than me sexually (I lost my V card to her... she lost hers when she was 14).

    I don't know why, but the SMALLEST things trigger my insecurities, like, we were talking about sex the other night, and I mentioned I ran out of condoms and asked her if she had any. She said "nah, I threw all mine out".

    now this seems like nothing, right? but for me, all i could think about was what and who she had used them for previously, and it got me so upset, not because I was hurt that she had had sex with her previous boyfriends (this is only natural), but what annoyed me was how upset I let myself get over something that's not even an issue.

    On the other hand, do you guys think that she should be a little more considerate of how she talks when shes around me? She says stuff like "this is where we used to meet <insert high school here> boys during high school"... all i can think is how easy she is.

    Am I just being too insecure or do you guys think that some of the above quotes would get you a little upset too?

    Meh, maybe I'm just venting?
  2. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    People's pasts are just that....PASTS. And all of those past experiences have made her who she is.

    You either accept it...or you don't.

    And if you don't...then, stop torturing yourself and move on. As you get older, you'll see that everyone has a past and has doesn't get any embrace it...or move on.
  3. Austinn

    Austinn Member

    just feel good that ur with her instead of those other guys, that alone should make u feel better, every time u get stressed ponder that
  4. hey man same crap happend to me with this girl i was with... i can def give you solid advice because the girl u describe is exactly the girl i was with... i lost my virginity to her im 19 as well and she lost hers at 15 and was way more experienced with relationships. i waited ..not for any reason i jsut never wanted a relationship and was always turned off by sluts i could have had sex with ahha. but anyway man i was the same way like id get so hung up by little things and get scared and paranoid. id make up these whole things in my head of what this girl could be doing when im not with her and basically i started smothering her a little.. i did warn her about it. I didnt do it out of a bad intention but jsut because i loved her so much and was so scared of loosing her...and i did. Not saying it was totally my fault because she knew my insecuritys and did accept it at first.. shes quite unstable as well.. basically i lost this girl and now she hangs with kids who are the exact opposite of me .. diffrent morals, diffrent crew diffrent everything. She even changed into a diffrent person i feel i dont even know anymore. Basically man you gotta let things go with the flow and show her confidence... chicks get way tunred off by insecurness with guys eventually... i learned this and wish i knew before shit ended with a girl im still very in love with. anyway just show this girl you love her and be happy you have her. If shes anything like the girl i was with which is what it soudns like. And if you are anything like me which it deffinitly sounds like. It will end up in a similar place that it ended up with me. So try and be confident and not worry so much. please!! i beg you dont make the same mistake as i did. haha
  5. raul7

    raul7 Member


    Yeah, all my mates that I've talked to tell me just to let go of her past, it is her past, I'm her present and hopefully her future, it's hard sometimes but thinking about not being with her really sucks.

    When we first started going out I was really confident, as time passes on though and I think about the small shit like this I get less and less confident.

    I think it's just time for me to grow up a little, let go and let whatever happens happen.

    thanks for that post ourgenerationsucks!
  6. zenloki

    zenloki Member

    when your jealous thoughts pop up remember she picked you. all those other guys are gone. if sex is good, be thankful for an experienced woman and of course that she picked you.
  7. Magical Fire Lady

    Magical Fire Lady Senior Member

    True that!
    What you do is just look at the big picture, step back, step out of yourself and insecurities, and look at it and see if you have any reason to be jealous. I can see how she having more experience can make you feel insecure. You should talk to her about this and see if she understands... maybe if she realizes you feel that way she'll be more tactful for you. Good luck!

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