You just have to convince yourself you are a special, worthwhile human being, despite the lack of validation. Which for me...it's been over a decade since I've had any girl express interest in me. I just have to find some way to convince myself that that's all just the luck of the draw. To deny whatever ego I have, that certainly won't be validated either.
I never had good dates until my fiance. Like it seems we have common goals and interests and I am doing the old school gentleman thing with holding doors, paying for dinner, etc. I'm doing what my mom told me to do to show a girl she is special and what other guys do and it works for them. Also what feels right to me. It did not work for me. I guess when you meet the right person it all clicks. Those other women were not right for me. Lots of women seem to use Tinder rand other apps not to date but so men will flirt with them. It's a safe way to feel pretty at home but hard for a man seeking.
this is a big part of the reason dating sites/apps are going downhill. i can't speak for what the male options are, but for the females there's basically three types. about 80% of all female profiles are fake people either trying to get you to their porn site or their instagram account or just fakes added to make the dating site look good, or women that are legitimate people but are only there for validation. and then there's the other 20% whose profiles all say "i haet men, yalla dun nuthin but a bunch a cheeters. imma goddess, i gots 14 kids and thas all dat matters so i dun have time 4 u. fuk of unles u can finance ma kids."
and then there is me who periodically makes a dating site profile and then deletes it within 72 hours
I do mix with plenty of singles within our social circles. Some of them are going back to the old fashioned way of seeing somebody at a bar . There seems to be plenty of fakes on dating websites especially the free ones . Men being the culprit here as they are sometimes married . However the singles we know are mainly women so probably the views may be a little unbalanced. However I have also seen many people meet this way and many success stories .So online dating isn't all bad . If I was single in this day and age I would keep my options open and do both ie Online and go out .
due to you changing your mind, or due to the terrifying messages that i assume all women get on those sites?
i just look right through all the dumb messages. delete delete. i just find the whole thing depressing. more so every time i have thought "oh yeah, i should try that again, maybe it's not as bad as i remember..." scrolling through pages of photographs... occasionally reading the predictable boring things they write on profiles. i'm probably getting too old for it. men in their 30/40s who i'd give a second glance to are rare. women who didn't spend their 20s making mistakes married them all : ) as i mentioned i think somewhere in this thread, i find very few men attractive, so that doesn't help.
the only time i thought online dating was going to lead somewhere, it was this guy who was actually quite good looking and his profile was looooong and random and had some interesting stuff and right at the end he said he was autistic, but high-functioning, and "no-one would know without me telling them" he was okay, unless an issue came up, then he was an absolute dickhead and would counter being called out on it with DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS?????!@!!?!? yeah like, that's why you're angry at me in a train station because the train station is cold in January. it's totally my fault. it didn't last.
i don't think women actually like pages. i have a ton of likes, but i almost never actually match with anyone, so i assume the likes are from fake profiles created by the site to give out likes and trick guys into thinking they're not wasting their time. and then every once in a great while i'll get that magical message that "you and so-and-so like each other!" in those cases i'll message her, and she will always respond by deleting her profile. so clearly it's a case of accidentally hitting the like button, and then going into full panic mode.
I'm not sure NYC is really that different from many other places regarding difficulties finding a date. I've also tried dating sites, and the results were only fair. I've had best results with chance meetings at parties, but those have so far only resulted in one night stands. It's hard finding someone you're attracted to that has similar desires in life. I think that is a problem everywhere, not just NYC.
I wonder if i'm the only one that doesn't see it as a problem. I see it more in a positive light. I'm in the nyc area too. There is a much more diverse set of people in comparison to other places. Which is what i really like about it.
Almost everyone I've ever dated I met through mutual friends. I think that's the way to go because you both come with the same references
Life is far more rewarding when one releases themselves from the perils of the expectation game lives his/her own life without the pitfalls, agony and devastation .
