Hey As someone who has never been on a date or had a relationship, or anything at all really, Noob Gay , Was wondering if some of you would be willing to share advice or your experiences on this. At the moment using POF (Don't get out much and I needed somewhere to start from ) and have managed to start convos with a couple of guys, but they're either falling flat or the other doesn't seem interested. This seems to have happened after we've both found out that we're looking similar relationships. Any help would be much appreciated. XD Also there any way of obviously seeing a fake account?
Despite what guys claim in their profiles, relationships are rarely found. You build a relationship with another dude over time. The most likely reason your attempts have been failing is that few people want to meet someone who is manifestly inexperienced, AND is looking for a relationship. This sounds like a ball and a chain, and guys run for the hills if they feel this. Try other portals such as gay romeo, apps like Grindr, Scruff, Hornet, Jack'd, and meet in public first. Check the vibe. Make sure that you are talking to a decent dude, and pick it up from there. Be patient. KD
Thanks KD I gathered guys wouldn't be looking for someone with no exp, try not to bring it up but I'm not gonna lie about it either. :/ Thanx for the other portals might give a few a go.
Relationships are mostly a zen/tao type of thing in that they happen when they happen. POF is not a terribly good gay dating site. When I 1st joined it in 2004 I had a lot of hookups but these days a military guy is likely to reply to me and give me his buddies info as a joke. Happily when that happened the other guy was cool about it. I DID get into one relationship off of POF in July 2012 though but sadly my partner passed away in Jan 2013. A good way to attract those of whom one might be attracted to you in a way more total than just a hookup is to join a men's group like FOG or Prime Timers so you are just hanging out with other gay guys like yourself. Free or low donation cost meetings at your local Gay Community Center will accomplish the same thing as well. And of course, I do like to use hookup sites once in a while if not partnered up - sites like Craigslist M4M or Squirt.org as they are effective and free.
A thing that usually makes it or breaks it, beyond the obvious issue of mutual attraction and compatibility, is having common interests, shared values, goals and ideas. Years ago, a good friend of mine asked me a very pointed question. "So, I am in relationship, (monogamous) with this cute, hot guy. What do we do next?" Sexual compatibility, attraction, and the fact that you may be having lots of fun under the sheets or somewhere else are to be viewed as mandatory if you want your relationship to survive. Alone, even the best sexual chemistry cannot carry the weight of the daily grind over a long time. You want to both add and maintain substantial quality content to your life. It is good to speak about "the shared interests". Do you really have any? Few people will be thrilled with someone telling them how they see their partnered lives in a year, two years or longer. Hardly anyone wishes to be a mere ancillary in other people's life designs. But you should have your goals. And you should be able to sound them with your potential partners. Usually, things change. Life has a strong component of give-and-take, too. But hardly any goal is ever achieved unless you have some sort of a roadmap... We all have our comfort zones. There is some intrinsic good in challenging yourself to leave your own comfort zone, and try new things, and aim for new goals. But you should also have firm boundaries. Being open-minded is fine. Being foolish is not. Many things should be on the table for discussion if you wish to achieve a harmonious relationship. But some things are given... Go. Give it a try... KD
