dating a transgender female

I have a serious question...
I met a woman recently. Her name is Jennifer. I've had three opportunities to talk with her at social events we both attended. Each time she is engaging, charming, and great to talk with... I am noticing that quite surprising to me, I feel an attraction to her.
The last time we were chatting, she shared about her last "date" and how it went. She told me the guy was typical - that he had his fun with a transgender woman, and even though he made it sound like he was interested in a second date, she knew he would feel differently the next day - and he did. He made up a crazy excuse why he couldn't follow through on their plans, but then never got back in touch with her again.
I found myself thinking how much I would enjoy asking her out for a date, but I find myself confused about it. I genuinely like her, and I don't want to mess up a budding friendship by clouding it with a date kind of thing. I can't tell yet, if I am attracted to her because I like her as a person, or if I am attracted sexually to her.

Any advice from any of you who are transgender women?

 

I might not be the best person to answer, since I have been out of the dating pool for a quarter century or so. But anyway...

Dating shouldn't be a big deal. If you like her as a person, then that should be all you need to know. When it gets awkward is when you get bored with dinner and movies and consider heading towards the bedroom. Is it what's between her legs that you are attracted to? Do you know what is between her legs, or are you just assuming? Whatever she's got down there, do you know how she likes to use it? Top or bottom? Front or back? It is always a good idea to have that discussion before the clothes come off, but doubly so for trans women.

Trans women are more sensitive to mistakes in that department because they have suffered for so long with the wrong equipment. If they still have it, using it could trigger bad dysphoria. If they don't have it any more, is what they have usable for the intended purpose? Depending on what surgical procedures they may or may not have had, they may be able to perform in the traditional ways or they may not. You may need specific instructions on "do"s and "don't" s.

As long as dating is celibate, treat her as you would any woman. If the feelings start to get sexual, talk first.

 

Thank you.
Of course, this makes so much sense - It's something I should know. And it strikes me that a relationship between two men doesn't seem to follow the same level of respect or understanding.
I was raised to be respectful to women. And since I tip more gay than straight, I think it was easier for me to be respectful. I've found it to be disappointing that I have not enjoyed what I would coin a typical date with a man. It seems it is always about the sex first and then, well... we'll see if there's anything else here.

 

Oh my goodness, @Constantine666 This is exactly where I am at. I think that may be part of my feeling drawn to this woman. I miss the experience of just dating to get to know someone. Why is it not awkward to meet someone and 5 minutes later feel their hand sliding down my pants? I remember the old days when I thought the dating rule was 1) ask them out, 2) make a plan and follow through, 3) enjoy the evening while paying for the evening, and 4) if things clicked, maybe a kiss on the doorstep. And maybe - maybe we would have sex by the third date.
but in my gay world, it does not seem to go that way.
Sure, I enjoy sex, but I crave human contact which includes conversation, looking into someone's eyes, and listening to their words, and sensing whether they get you as much as you get them...

 

I've had a couple more opportunities to chat and socialize with Jennifer since I first wrote here. It's interesting to me that my initial attraction has dissipated a bit, and a friendship seems to be growing. She told me I am an open book last time we had a chance to talk. She seems very intuitive and aware. I guess you would need to be to be born as one sex and discover that label betrayed you. She has struggled with her family, and the holidays are a particularly challenging time. I decided to invite her to my family gathering on Christmas, but later in the day when there is lots of food and we like to be sure friends know they can drop by, too. She seemed to appreciate that, but said she is leaving town soon for vacation away - this is her way of dealing with her family - being away for the holidays.
I don't expect our relationship will become sexual, and I am OK with that.
I have a habit of questioning my feelings, my attractions for others, anyway- sometimes it's just not easy to tell - is this a sexual chemistry or a personality attraction? I've been in this spot with others, too. Some are harder for me to determine. Usually, the outcome is determined by the other person who is not interested me sexually, but would like to be friends with me.