Dating a transexual, need advice

Great post, couldn't agree more! It is unfair to expect people to be labelled eternally by an unwanted condition that they neither wanted, nor asked for.

Aside from on this board, I never mention the fact I was born with an intersex condition to people I meet in everyday life, and why should I? And I think its the same for transsexuals. If you're going to date before you've had surgery, then I think you have to mention it. But if you've had the surgery, then there's no need. Most transpeople want to be defined by their gender, not by a medical condition. They dont go through the whole process of trying to be the gender they see themselves as to be transsexuals, but to be the gender they identify as.

 

My ex-husband is now a male to female transwoman.
He is now a beautiful lady and looks, dresses and acts as a woman, he has had alot of feminization work done, so he is now a she. However her man knows she is transgendered, and has known from the start.
I believe transwomen have no obligation to tell people that they are transgendered, but it is different with the men they date. They should let them know. That sort of relationship has to be based on honesty and trust.
Why not just tell her you usually date genetic women but have dated a transwoman before, and that you are not prejudiced against transwomen.

 

I am a pre-op trans woman. Kudos to the open minded guys ot there that would give us a chance to give and receive love!!! I would love to meet such a man. If you are reading this my hippie brothers get me back I would love to hear from you.

 

I already know how some will react to me saying this, but it doesn't change the truth of it...

Regardless of who you are, were, or will be, if you can't be honest with the person you are with (or trying to be with) it will NOT work out.

Starting any relationship out with anything but the truth is just wasting time, both yours and those you are involved with...

If someone is going to react badly to a person being trans, whether they have had surgery or not, then they are not the type of person a trans person should want to be with...

 

The big problem that many trans people have (and someone like me, as it happens) when trying to find a loving relationship, is the only men likely to want to have anything to do with them, are ones who attracted to transwomen purely because they are trans and dont see them as real woman. "tranny chasers" for lack of a better word. Many transwomen want to be loved as women, so for them, they would not wish to be with men like that. Ive heard a few transsexuals stating that they do not want to be with "tranny chasers".

Although I am not a transsexual, Im in pretty much the same boat as far as this issue goes. I would not in any way be interested in being with someone who has a particular fetish for my condition, and who didnt love me as merely a woman. And that is unfortunately, the only men who would be attracted to me. This is why I came to terms with the fact many years ago that I would never have a relationship. Besides, telling people Im female isn't being "dishonest". And Im sure that many transpeople feel the same way. Im sure in some people's eyes, it would be being dishonest, but in their eyes, it is not dishonesty.

 

Yea but whenever you have past embaressing secrets to reveal you don't do it on the first day, you wait until some kind of relationship builds, you don't come out of the starting gate pointing out all your flaws.

 

To both of the last two responses, my answer is the same...

You are free to do what you want, including being ashamed of who you are and/or things you have done.... That is your choice...

Don't be shocked or upset that when the people who have come to love you for who you say you are, kick you to the curb when they find out you haven't been being honest with them...

As for the idea that some trans want to be loved as a woman (or man as the case may be), you aren't a woman... you are a trans... that is not an accusation or a put down, that is simple fact...

Find someone who loves you for who you are... whatever that may be... straight, gay, trans, or other.... You are the only you there is... a 'better' you, isn't going to come along... accept yourself for who you are, or you are destined to remain in the hell of your own choosing.

 

Thats a joke, seeing as NOTHING about how I am now, was my own choice. What was done to me when I was very young was done without my knowledge or consent. So what exactly about that is things "IVE done". What was forced on me is not who I am, and nothing about it was caused by things Id done, or chose.

If people think me stating Im female is being "dishonest" then quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be around anyone who thought that anyway. Id rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who Im not. If that happened, then those people never really loved me at all. So Id be better off without them.

Seeing as I am not trans, I cannot directly reply to that, but what I can say, is a lot of transwomen would not agree with your points. Or your assertions about what they are, and what you say they should do. And saying that transwomen "arent women" isnt a fact at all. In fact, there is scientific evidence that shows otherwise.

 

Whatever...

 

Exactly.

 

Yeah this happens far less often when you tell bad news after an emotional connection has formed, people tend to over react less.

 

So, its best to lie to people and hide who you are until they fall in love with the illusion that you present to them?

I really wish you people would stop asking what is wrong with society...

 

speaking of kicked to the curb,, this one my favs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yvU6sifwkI&feature=related"]YouTube - 'Drag queen' cage fighters defend themselves against thugs
jump to 1.20 for the boom boom..

 

Its funny how practically all the people who'd accuse me of "lying" would also be the ones who insist "males can never be female because they have XY chromosomes" when I in fact, have XX chromosomes. So, Im "lying" by saying Im female, even though I'm XX, yet the very excuse given by many that transsexuals will never really be the gender they idenitfy as, is that they dont have the chromosomal setup of the opposite sex? Not only is that entirely illogical, but it's completely hypocritical. What's wrong with society? Where do I start??

 

You choose to keep aiming all this stuff at yourself... do so, and continue in your own hell...

I am speaking in general terms about the topic... not your life... so stop being so vain and thinking I am talking about you specifically.

If you were a man born in a woman's body, then you are a man born in a woman's body...

You can get surgery to change your outward appearance, you can take hormone shots to rebalance your chemicals... but you will always be a man that was born in a woman's body...

Denying that, is denying who you are, and the struggle you go through to be accepted for who you are.

YOU are the one who keeps taking that I say you should be honest, as me saying you are lying... If you don't tell anyone that you are a trans, then you are right, you are NOT lying...

You are also not telling the truth.

If you wish to be ashamed of who you are, and the issues you have went through, that is YOUR choice...

Don't expect other people to forgive you for being dishonest with them and their feelings.

 

By stating earlier that Id be "living in my own hell" that was directed at me specifically, because you have thrown that at me in threads completely unrelated to this one. Besides, I also discussed transsexuals, so I wasnt just talking about myself. Stop seeing and reading only what you want to see.

 

Okay, you know what? Lets make this simple...

As soon as I hit post on this, I am putting you on ignore and leaving you there...

If you wish to take my words as personal attacks on you... DO SO...

I am done with you.

 

You have personally attacked me, even if not in this thread, you did so very veciferously in another one. I was willing to let that go as just letting off steam, but its clear now that its more than that. You're done with me? Fine, I can do without your self righteous diatribes anyway.

 

If a person is dishonest about who they are... regardless about what... then they have zero right to be upset with others for not accepting them as they are...

Its a really simple concept... if you lie (or dont tell the truth) about who you are... then nothing anyone feels for you is real...

It is as fake as the persona that you chose to present to the world and deserves as much respect as any other form of dishonesty in a relationship...

ZERO

To the OP... if your relationship with your friend is going to become something real, it MUST be based on honesty on both your parts...

By choosing not to share such information with a potential partner (when it seems it may go beyond casual dating), what is being said, is that your opinion is not going to be respected... no matter what it is...

If that is the type of life you wish for yourself, that is your choice...

Nothing says someone has to go around divulging every personal detail about your life to anyone and everyone... But there sure as hell IS something that says you should be honest with your chosen partner... its called respect... and if you don't give it, you don't get it.