Discussion in 'Poetry' started by NaeNae, May 20, 2004.

  1. NaeNae

    NaeNae Member

    Likes Received:
    when i pull away from our kiss
    and run my hands across his skin
    i trace them with my eyes

    i will watch and see the contrast
    between my small pale fingers
    and his tanned skin;
    ..........................then it will kick in

    they soon turn.

    old and hairy and wrinkled adorned
    with a gold wedding ring
    slipped on the third finger of the left hand
    some time ago, bound to a woman that
    waits for me to come home from my
    caring job at the childrens home

    and the moans turn to whimpers
    and you turn from twenty-five to five
    and i blink and i blink
    and i rub my eyes
    and still my hands are his
    and you are still that kid.

    i wrote this on the bus this morning. there is not a single word that has been changed. im just interested in comments, and tips on how to improve it. thanks. and perhaps a better title

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