Damnit I want a baby

Hahaha. I'm not hating on you because of the culture you married into.

I'm just noticing that there seems to be a lot of pressure put onto your unborn children already. *shrugs*

 

my thoughts exactly.

 

I grew up with indian families (but am not indian)... you have some guts for a white chick (I mean no offense) to uproot and move to India. I'm making a big assumption that you're white, so if I'm wrong, please correct me. I do understand the pressure. Take it easy, just enjoy married life. You have a LOT of family responsibilities now, not just to your husband or unborn child. This is already stating the obvious.. best of luck.

 

Its all good, I don't think you are blaming mother India, but what I was saying is - I don't think the climate has much to do with it , it usually is sometimes affected by nutrition. Anyway, its none of my business, go ask your OB/GYN.

And yes, I find it in poor taste to actually try to explain the Indian mentality/ culture to people who are not used to it, we may spend a lifetime explaining why it is the way it is, people will still don't understand it. so there...

Anyway, good luck and your husband and you will hopefully gain some fruitful results in the future. Patience is the key in any endeavor.

 

yea i know right. There are places in Tamil nadu where the really poor would kill their female babies. it is terrible, the government took very serious action a few years ago to stop it, but people are just very ignorant in general.

 

I have to say, my husbands family is not putting any kind of pressure on me to have a baby, male or female. I simply mean if I DO have the first son in the family, then I'll earn extra brownie points. Personally, I have always wanted a daughter and have loads of girl names picked out.

I want a baby, if I didn't, I wouldn't be trying. I want a baby for normal reasons, not to please my inlaws. Although everyone is always pleased when a cute cuddly tiny human comes into the family. In my husbands family, nothing is ever said about a preference to boys. Perhaps it's because we're muslim. I don't know.
One aunt has 5 girls, no boys and no one says anything except one of the younger daughters (she wants a brother so HE can run to the store to buy things for the house, instead of her.. she is eight, haha)


I didn't intend for this thread to turn into a discussion about India's preference for male children. I'm sure if we started such a thread in the appropriate forum, we'd get a lot of interesting debate though.

 

Why not? I have four kids, three girls and a boy. Children are not a prize for winning a contest. I know you "didn't mean it" that way, but the mamas on this forum are VERY protective and very loving of their own and other children. Children should be wanted for what they ARE.

Let me tell you, children TAKE a hell of a lot more than they give, in whatever culture you are in. They NEED. They cry. They want. They drain. They DO love, but in a very different way then how they are loved by their parents. They are little balls if ID.

I am not disrespecting you, or your wishes at all. Just saying that children are a HUGE responsiblity. A tiny boy (or girl) will take more out of you than winning a "I had the first one" contest will give you. You are only 19. There are some fantastic teen and younger moms on this forum. (Tamee, HippyFreek,Kirsten, Ice Teaprincess, MoonFlower, to name a few) But, they can all tell you what an uphill battle new parenting was, and is. I am NOT trying to talk you out of it, just with 4 kids, I KNOW how difficult good parenting is.

What have you read and learned about parenting tecniques? What are your expectations? What kind of birth do you expect? You are planning on breastfeeding, yes? Are you going to need to work outside the home, or is your husband able to contribute enough so you can stay home? These are only a few of the questions a womyn needs to ask herself BEFORE she even becomes pregnant.

I'd suggest reading:

• Spiritual Midwivery by Ina May Gaskin
• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by same author
• So, That's What They're For (a guide to breastfeeding) by Janet Tomaro
• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League (there are lots of LLL groups you can join or see in India, it is one of our biggest overseas countries)
• The Baby Book by Sears and Sears THE BIBLE (or Q'Raan if you prefer ) on parenting for the first 2 years
• Attachment Parenting by Katie Alllison Granju
• The Hip Mama Survival Guide by Ariel Gore (not a "hippy parenting book" but a good kind of Gen X look at surviving mamaing)

There is a lot to learn and although most of it cannot be KNOWN until that baby is here, at least you can get a good cognative one up on Parenting before you take the BIG STEP.

Good luck, and Blessings.

Maggie

 

I have a son, but no wife She was a bad person though, it just took me a few to realize that.

 

My GAWD!! I hope, for your child's sake, that you never ever utter that aloud in his presence. He is half her, no matter what you think of it, and saying anything bad about his mother will wound him severely, possibly for life.

 

Some people are so jumpy, mama you know nothing about me. If you feel that I actually NEED advice like that, than you should talk in a proper manner. I will have you know, that I stood there and got hit by Jack's mom's new boyfriend, while I was holding him, because he doesnt like my religion and doesnt like the way I do anything for that matter. And to this day, I have said not one word bad about her, or him for that matter, when my son is present. In fact, when my son is present, I dont even show emotions other than love and care for him. So please, in the future, refrain from overreacting.

 

I am not a parent, nor do I really intend on bringing life into the world... it's just not for me.
I understand that books can give information, but people have brought up children successfully for thousands of years without books and many still do to this day.

 

Yeah. Your point being?

In generations past womyn had their community, their sisters, their mothers, grandmothers, their midwives ect around them. In most instances we don't have that, NOR do we have the support, as most of our parents (especially people in my generation) did NOT listen to their own instincts when parenting and we had to RELEARN it, many of us from support groups and books.

I don't understand your point. If you are not, and are not planning on being a parent, what is your issue with a seasoned parent KNOWING how difficult parenting is in our society, and trying to help a womyn who DOES plan on having kids? I'm sorry, but I don't see what the issue is. You don't want kids, don't read the books. No big deal.

And, I can tell you, not only being a parent, but being a Lactation Consultant and an Infant Mother Educator, the parents who refuse to educate themselves via reading material and support groups are the ones with the most stress, the most problems, and the highest level of difficulty with Attachment and Bonding. In this society, we are TOO divorced from our once maternal intincts to be able to mother happily without some help, some mentoring and some literature. Maybe a few can, but, from what I have seen in more than 20 years, not many.

 

Ommm Shanti Ommmm! Thank you Maggie!

Another aspect that may be addressed regarding "getting ready to becoming a Mother" is spiritual centered-ness.

Dearest Chai~ here, you have a very interesting and I think, exceptional life's journey.

Perhaps, this is a time of chaos... for sure, educate yourself on the preparation of bringing this Miracle Of Life into your body, life and family. You HAVE to prepare yourself intellectually and everything that MaggieSugar talked about is REALLY, REALLY true. I know you want to do the best that you can....

Spiritually Calm Waters invite that spark into your womb. Being still and not entangled in social expectations and were you are in the pecking order of family dynamics doesn't serve you.

I totally identify with the shift you are longing for. I also think that perhaps your Husband's Family would like you to feel that joy of bringing a child into this world, because it's another way of telling you how much they want to bond with you through this child (another way of loving you) and maybe they also want to see you in this joy.

I would say, gee that's very sweet that they want that for you. And you want that for you (a very natural course for a lot of folks) and your DH wants that for you. That is a very strong love that attracts baby spirits around you and your Family.

Silly body however needs time to quiet down and get grounded. That's okay, use this time to making ready in the Mind & Spirit to welcome that spark of life... imagine your baby's spirit as a teeny tiny boat on a far off horizon, why would you beckon it through choppy waters to land on your shore, rather bring it home with a calm tide.

I also recommend the birth preparation book: Birthing From Within.

Bestest of Regards on your Journey.

 

My point being... that you don't have to read books to become a good mother. You learn through experience. Yes, books can assist, but they are not essential to a good upbringing.

 

I have to disagree. As a mother, if it hadn't been for the parenting books I read beforehand, I would not even be as close to my daughter as I am right now! Had I not read books on how to properly attach to her, on reasonable expectations of infants, nurturing, slinging, etc, I would have listened to my mother's advice and let her cry it out and *shudders* spanked her.

Yes, children turn out "okay" all the time with conventional parenting, but I want better than okay for my daughter. That is why I read those books. I wanted her to have every opportunity to love, connect, attach, and feel nurtured by me. And conventional parenting doesn't teach us how to do that!

 

Well, I guess Im different since Im a dude, but I read a few chapters of a book, actually two books, what to expect when your expecting, and what to expect the first year? I think thats what they were called. Well anyway I never went with anything I read in those books, my ex tried some things, but I dont know for my son they weren't proper it seems.

 

the What to Expect books are absolutely appalling. I think I read the WTEWE book, just flipped through, and then stopped. It was just so icky. I much rather like the Sears books on pregnancy and parenting!

 

Sears books? What are they? Never heard of em. I could probably use some help now that Im a single dad I get some advice on here but a book would be very useful, a proper book that is

 

copied from Maggie's post a page earlier:

The Baby Book by Sears and Sears THE BIBLE (or Q'Raan if you prefer ) on parenting for the first 2 years
Attachment Parenting by Katie Alllison Granju

 

Well thanks a lot! I will definitley check these out. Are they pretty popular books? (and thank you for acknowledging my faith in the Qur'an )