Cyclical Relationships

Me and my (ex)girlfriend have been breaking up and getting back together again so much that it doesn't even seem like any breakup can ever be permanent. The trouble is that I really do love this girl and I am extremely attracted to her, but sometimes she goes from being very nice to being utterly demanding and needy and downright cruel really suddenly. I feel that I cannot trust her because she broke up with me and started sleeping with one of my friends really quickly, but then we put that behind us and got back together again. Since then, I've broken up with her a few times but I always end up back with her. It seems that I really cannot resist her. I feel that I love her and that I am simply not as strongly attracted to anybody else. Being with her is an overpowering sensation. I can't even give her a hug or anything because as soon as I smell her I need to kiss her.
We broke up again two weeks ago and I felt depressed and miserable. I watched about 95 episodes of various animes and tried to chill with my friends but I found that they had all changed. I felt very alone and I had nobody to talk to except her. She would listen to me at my best or at my worst and she could always make me feel better. I met up with her to trade some of the stuff we still had at each other's houses and I was feeling really down and she was able to talk to me and to make the world seem beautiful again and I felt like I just had to kiss her and I did.
Right now I am at a big cottage with my family for a week, for an event she was actually invited to, but everybody thinks that we are apart (and I even told them all that I didn't want anything more to do with them), but I really want to share this time with her. I don't know what to do. My family and friends think I am crazy for being stuck in this cycle, and I know the harm that this woman can do to me, but I just want to do what feels right. I am so confused.

 

You poor bastard. If she really loved you, she would never have slept with one of your friends. Sounds like a whore to me. You seem like her little puppy dog experiment, and will go running to her no matter how badly she treats you. Unfortuneately, it sounds like she has all of the power in the relationship with you......and maybe you should get help and find out why you need to be someone's victim and guinea pig.

 

is this the same one that you had the non-sexual relationship with earlier?

 

no. Me and this one have a lot of sex all the time. But we breakup/get back together and go through these cathartic cycles. I crave her pussy like a drug


Unfortunately, whenever I leave her it really does seem like nobody else cares for me in the same way. She had sex with someone else while we were broken up and I don't think I can forgive her for that, but I think she really does love me. And it really doesn't seem like anybody else cares about me right now. I can just have a really good time with her. Everything is easy and relaxing.

I'm fucking confused though. It seems like with her or without her I'm gonna be fucked up in the head.

 

Sorry to tell you but that's called a codependent relationship and it is not healthy. Get out and stay out asap...of course you can keep going back to the relationship and eventually you'll probably learn your lesson, but I'd recommend looking into codependent relationship dynamics and saving the next several years of your life.

 

It seems like no one else cares about you because the kind of relationship you're in pushes people away. You'll have to rebuild old relationships and build new relationships, but it's worth it.

 

Yeah I suppose you're right. I have definitely lost friends over this relationship.

 

Well I've thought about the idea of the codependent relationship before and I'm not sure that's exactly it.

I am definitely able to be confident in myself and be my own person without her (although I don't know if the same applies to her).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

I read the wiki and some of it seems to apply to me but not all of it. If it is a codependent relationship, then I don't really know which person plays which role. It's probably that I'm the enabler and the more narcissistic one, though. She is a woman with heavy anxiety and a lot of life problems; she has trouble with her work/school and always ends up in poverty and depending on others for money, whereas I am a lot more independent, but I do get lonely easily and I have tendencies towards narcissistic thought. And I know that one of the ways she gets power is by playing on people's egos and being heavily complementary.

In many ways, though, I think that I love her and I really want to be able to have a healthy relationship with her. Despite all her problems, she is a very very smart woman and there are few people in this world with whom I have had such deep, subtle and interesting conversations, not to mention such amazing and fulfilling sex. I know that good sex does not mean a good relationship, but I've never really had such sexual chemistry with anybody (and I've had pretty good se with a decent number of people). It seems like such a waste to abandon that...

I like to think of myself as a pretty smart person, but man do I make terrible relationship decisions.

 

This sort of thing can get very unhealthy, and enforce feelings that you don't have a reason to have at all.

Go fuck somebody else. Stay away from her.

 

All smart people make terrible relationship decisions.

 

I've been in one of these before where I got so worked up we broke up but came back together again and again. The moment I walked away and never looked back was a blessed moment. That feeling of loneliness inevitably comes after a break up but if the relationship is as unhealthy as this one sounds you need to walk away and reevaluate your happiness a month later. You'll move on and get over it and it'll be the best decision of your life. I hope lol.

 

If you don't think it's codependent maybe look at emotional abuse.

 

Aww man you guys are right but it just feels so good right now. The bad from the past seems imaginary and I feel so happy with her.

I just drew this really nice picture of her I'm such a sucker

I think I should still give it to her though... man I really wish I could have her up at the cottage here and smoke a joint and sit by the fire. It would feel so good but I know it will turn to hell in a month or so... It almost feels worth it though.

 

you sound like basically every woman i've ever met. "my boyfriend did X, Y, and Z awful things and our relationship is awful and i never want to see him again. now leave me alone so i can go elope with him."

 

I feel like one too :/

man I get a lot of flack whenever I post on this board.

 

Oh god, the melodrama pouring out of the computer screen is too much for my... MY EYES! I CAN"T SEE!



Okay, first thing's first, you're feeling so lonely because you're literally diverting all of your energies into this girl. You got it so bad for her she's the ONLY thing in your life, the very center of your being, and in no way is that a healthy relationship. Allow me to elaborate: specifically, on how YOU are experiencing the relationship. You love her so bad that you need her, right?

That's bad. You can go into a relationship in one of two ways: wanting a relationship, and needing one. One of which s a lot more free and flowing than the other. The feeling of need is a really bad sign. Your feeling of loneliness? That stems entirely from you unwittingly pushing your friends away because you need to spend more tie with her, and let her become the center of your world. It is okay for someone to be a big part of your world, but you need balance in order to keep things from falling apart, which is quite obviously not the case when you put someone as the one thing you care about. Basically, what I'm saying is that she can't be you for you. Your general discontent? It's because you changed yourself to better suit what you think she wants. Probably in a way that goes against the grain of who you really are, and probably not quite what she wants, either. Isn't the point of a relationship to be oneself WITH someone else, show each other your true selves, in the first place? (BTW - this can never be accomplished if there is mistrust) And why she went out with others when you were broken up? Well, have you ever considered that you yourself may have become exactly what you see in her... I believe your words were "she goes from being very nice to being utterly demanding and needy and downright cruel really suddenly" and feelings of distrust in general. Let me ask you this: have you ever considered that you may be the problem just as much as she is, and that you two simply don't work for each other, fit or belong together, despite your physical passion for her?

In my opinion, the answer is yes, because although you two may have freakish similarities, you also have differences in your personalities that simply don't work. You are too serious, and you are not ready for it. It is not a failing that it isn't working out; rather, it is a blessing, a lesson, a chance to move forward, to find someone you really do connect with, and to know what to do when you do meet that special someone.

My turn for the melodrama now: How do I know? I broke up with my girlfriend about two months ago, and the evening where I finally knew for sure what I had to do for the good of us both, I learned what it is to cry oneself to sleep. It was truly a horrible night, and the next day was even worse. We didn't speak for about a month. Now, she and I are still somewhat friends, and I can tell you that I learned a hell of a lot from it. It's hard. There are times I still regret it. But it's for the better, and eventually, I'll meet someone new. Maybe I'll learn and move on as it ends, maybe I'll finally meet someone where we're similar enough to work everything out - and so will you. Just don't think badly on it. Learn

Just let it go...

...'cause it's about time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oI6Q6Uw1vQ

 

No shit it feels good.

Every time it happens, it multiplies the whole thing. It's like an opiate addict getting clean, and then using again - the addiction is worse than it ever could have been if you hadn't quit and re-start. The same thing's happening with your neurotransmitters.

Don't ruin your life. Stop the cycle.

 

destroy her ... DESTROY HER

 

You probably hadn't seen them in a long time. Your nose was buried in pussy. And maybe it wasn't them that changed.

Either make this relationship healthy or get out of it.

 

there are good people and there are those who you good people and take advantage of them.

i hate to say it, but this chick may not even be capable of returning your love(love is not in some people's nature), and what she feels for you is really just lust.

sounds like you are dealing with a selfish person

sorry man, i wish the best for you