Discussion in 'Poetry' started by standingdeer, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. standingdeer

    standingdeer Member

    saultry night
    doors locked from an unseen criminal
    lights in streets reveal my shadow
    as my crawling footsteps leave impressions

    yellow dog slips inside the trees
    patiently waiting for my thoughts
    on direction
    Trail cut into wood leads us
    moon colapses through red clouds
    I have alot on my mind

    I take my time, this eve

  2. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

    Interesting piece, here! I Really liked your syntax combined with the lack of punctuation, it had a nice effect on the read, for me.

    this was my favorite part, but the "trail cut into wood leads us" threw me off. I like the disjointed nature, and think you should preserve it, but that one line seems to work against the rest. Great poem, tho! :)
  3. AshtonsMom

    AshtonsMom Banned

    I would love to know where you get your inspiration....

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