coping with my mistake

High five!! I have never seen it put so brilliantly in my entire life. It hurts like hell to be cheated on. You'll never know the pain you put him through. You need to talk with your husband. You need to find out why you did it. Don't give the lame he wasn't able to satasfy me in bed, because marriage isn't about sex. It is about compainionship and loving and understanding the one you are with. You need to ask yourself one question and be completely honest with yourself!! DO YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND!! If so you will try and make up for the mistakes you have made. If not, then maybe you shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Tiffany

 

I totally agree!!

 

As far as I have heard once someone cheats in a marriage things can never be the same....ever. There is nothing you can do to make him trust you again.

 

The same... maybe not. Good again on another level... Sure but y'all beter get it figured out before the dream is over.

 

What a complex situation, and it's complex in it's simplicity as well.

I grew up in a home where affairs were common, where I was abused by being told of these affairs (I can clarify that further, but it comes down to hearing about my parent's sex life in graphic detail as a 6 year old, because someone felt there was no one else to turn to).

So I can see the point of view of a few people in this situation.

I do not know the circumstances that led up to you having the affair, but people do not cheat when things are wonderful in a relationship. They 1) have no need to, or 2) they can openly discuss their feelings making cheating either not happening, or the sex would be non-cheating.

I think there is a lot more at issue here than someone slept with someone, and I would venture to say, at this point, the entire family could use some therapy. Fix the underlying problems, deal with the betrayal (I would guess here that there has been betrayal in the past, not necessarily an affair, but an emotional betrayal). These are things that MUST be dealt with, or the situation will escalate into something worse, or will repeat itself, or will come up either overtly, or not overtly, in other situations.

Your husband can, and likely will, use this against you. He is hurting, you are hurting. No one feels good, but the affair could be a symptom rather than the cause.

 

Amen!

 

I completely agree with this. The affair is a symptom of something bigger. If the marriage is going to make it through this, you will both have to work very hard and seek counseling.

Good luck!

 

dude my mom cheated on my dad when i was like 8.. they broke up and she moved in the guy she had cheated on him with... for fifteen years he beats her while we watch... threatens to kill me with a golf club and basically ruins my childhood... then she cheats on him... WITH MY DAD.... now they are back together... supposedly... but she is in the town where the other guy lives... WTF... yeah cheating can fuck up lives and heads

 

i think cheating hurts the kids almost as much as the spouse (maybe more?), but in a different way. my mom had an affair with our neighbor when i was about 11/12... whose whole family was very close with us and when we found out, it was like the two of them betrayed all of us and wow we (me and my brother and i'm sure my dad too) felt so incredibly insecure for years... of course at the time we found out, she had been drifting away for a while... (not wanting to bring him to the house, so leaving us alone to go hang out with him.) so it just seemed hopeless, like we would never get our mom back since she found somebody else... and for a while I didn't want her. my relationship with my mom is fantastic now, but it was very tough at the time and took some work to get it this good.

and this is from a kid's perspective. i can't speak for my dad.

 

Wow man. That's a hard story right there.