Convince my wife

I know it's hard to see from a woman's point of view, but keep in mind, it's not about not being adventurous. It's a respect thing. Regardless if y'all have said it was ok, women think emotionally and logically. (well ok, sometimes I lack that lol) but even though you're giving the A-OK, mentally it will still play with a lady in her head that its not right nor fair to y'all men. She will still see it as a form of cheating. Of course she isn't going to say no to you but she isn't going to say yes either. Gentle coaxing her is the way to go with this one and if she looks very uncomfortable, be respectful of her and just find a shit ton of porn to jerk off too. Be grateful that she isn't a cheating whore behind your back.

 

SouthernFire -
Thanks for your point of view. I've done a TON of research over some years and because of that I know that many, MANY men think having their ladies be with another guy is VERY HOT to the guys. It's a turn-on for the men to see their ladies being wild and uninhibited, enjoying a steamy sexual romp with another guy. But many men want to see their ladies just have some extra fun. They obviously want the ladies to always come home to them - because the men love their ladies. But from the many reports made by men whose wives / long-term girlfriends had "friends with benefits", those men say their wives / girlfriends become much happier once they find a good guy to be their "friend with benefits." And their marital sex lives get much hotter and more frequent as well. The men say their ladies are "re-awakened."

I thought it was really strange for men to feel that way about their wives / girlfriends at first. But the husbands and long-term boyfriends actually like the set-up. They say they don't see it as cheating because they know about it and it's all up front. It's a growing trend.

 

I don't know how the women feel about having a FWB - or two. I can tell you of my own situation that was thrust on me some years ago when my then-girlfriend (not my wife) cheated on me.

After my initial anger and hurt feelings dissipated, I found that when I thought about her with another guy, I was really turned on. We talked about it and I asked her if she wanted to continue dating on the side while still staying together as a couple. She said yes she would like continue dating on the side. I got hard as a rock, and she knew it. I asked her if she'd tell me about whatever they did together on their dates and she wanted to tell me. It turned her on big-time, and me too. The next several months were extremely HOT for both of us. She loved the extra play with other guys, and she also loved telling me about her adventures and the effect it had on me. We had some scorching hot sex during that time. It was out in the open and we both were up for it. I've never used Viagra - but this was the best arousal formula I've ever encountered. Being rock hard with an intoxicating mix of emotions was bliss!! And she was on fire too, being able to go on dates with any guy she liked and enjoying every kind of sex possible. She double-teamed a guy with a girlfriend of hers and the guy was the husband of her girlfriend!

I'm sure a good number of women would love to have that kind of freedom, and still keep their marriages strong (which would require the husbands' approval and support for the wives). Knowing they could have some extra excitement on the side and come home to loving husbands - who ALSO think their wives are hot & sexy! - would lead to even more hot, sexy times at home. This would require a good, healthy, happy marriage on all other fronts most likely. If the married couple gets along in every way and are happy together, it seems to be working for more and more couples these days. YMMV.

 

I see your logic and understand you. I respect my wife completely I think the world of her she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me and what I'm asking of her takes a special and understanding women.
As much as I do think that of her I do want her to cheat on me but I don't want her sleeping with just any random guy I want to be present when it happens I want to orchestrate and guide the situation I do expect her to be taken right out of her comfort zone I want to see her tested but nothing would turn me on more then seeing my wife caught up In sexual encounters.
Iv given my wife the A ok to cheat but under my terms.

 

I agree this seems like a growing trend, at least it is something that gets a lot of media attention lately. I can completely understand those men (I guess I'm one of them as I hope to get my wife to be other guys). But it took me a while to get here - I used to be really possessive and jealous and the idea of my wife having sex with someone else terrified me. I've since realized that my jealousy was due to a fear of my wife leaving me and basing my sense of self-worth on a totally unrealistic ideal about wanting to be the only man who could ever attract or satisfy my wife sexually. I think this idea is actually a really big problem, because it's an illusion and by pretending it's real it creates barriers with your partner that push you apart rather than keeping you together. Unless your wife was a virgin when you met she will have had sex with others before she met you, and unless she was very unlucky she most likely was sexually attracted to those men and enjoyed having sex with them. It's not like the moment she married you she suddenly realized she hated having sex with others or regretted those experiences just because she fell in love with you. There is this idea that there is only one person out there who is the right one for each of us, and that is obviously not true, rather what makes your partner special to you is the bond you build up by a shared life and experiences, and that is not going to disappear just because you develop a physical attraction for another person or have sex with someone else. Now some, perhaps many, women might have difficulty separating love and sex, but I think that is to a large extent because they've been conditioned to feel that way - if it were just as acceptable for a woman to live out her purely sexual desires I think many more would be able to enjoy sex without any romantic attachments. For me, once I realized that my self-esteem and self-worth didn't depend on being the only man my wife could ever desire, the idea of allowing her to be with others suddenly didn't seem like a threat anymore. On the contrary if it were to rekindle her sexuality and allow her to live out her desires to the full, that would make her happier and more satisfied in our relationship, because I am certain of her love for me and the bond we have through our marriage. I think this is key, if your relationship is strong enough then allowing your wife/girlfriend to have sex with others can actually make her more interested in and enjoying sex with you, so you as the husband benefits just as much as her. After all, I love her and want her to enjoy her life - why wouldn't I want her to get satisfaction in this as well as other matters? So long as she still wants to have sex with me and enjoys it, it can only be a positive thing that she gets to be sexually fulfilled by other men as well. After all I'm not going to be happier by denying her that fulfillment if that meant she lost interest in sex with me. Of course, I'd prefer to be present and watch and take part, but I'd be OK with her also being with other men alone from time to time. As long as it's all out in the open and there's no lying or deception, then it's not cheating and as long as there's respect from both sides and a mutual understanding that the marriage always takes priority, then I think this would be an ideal setup.

Though personally I wouldn't really want to meet another woman, I could see that this ought to go both ways, but I'd be totally happy with only allowing her this freedom, strange as it might seem.

It would be interesting to hear what women on the forum would think of such an arrangement? I think for a lot of us the worry is that it might make the woman lose respect for her partner, and so lessen her love, but equally I've heard some women say that this freedom made them love their partner more.

 

^^^^^ Agreed, Marriedman50. I think almost all the men on here would love to hear from the ladies on the subject of having a "hall pass" and/or "friend with benefits." I don't know why ladies are so shy about voicing their opinions on here. It's anonymous. Women always say WE men don't talk enough!! When we guys ask for their opinions on a sexual topic - they slam on the brakes!!!

I don't know why giving a wife / long-term girlfriend a "hall pass" would cause her to lose respect for her husband or long-term boyfriend. It's not that the men are tossing the ladies to the curb - in fact it's just the opposite. The men want to always have their wives stay with them and BUILD the relationship even stronger, from all the research & articles I've read for years. The men love their ladies very much - so much that they want to approve of & support the ladies if they want to have some occasional romantic dates / mini-vacations away from the usual routines and hum-drum of daily life. I've read articles where women will say they appreciate the breaks away from being a wife, mother, grandmother, cook, soccer mom, taxi driver to kids' events, PTA meetings/responsibilities, etc. They also like being noticed and flirted with by other guys. It boosts their confidence and self-image, and let's them know they're seen by other guys as sexy and desirable ………… as a woman. Some women say they feel like a woman again - not a wife, mother, or some other thing - just a sexy, desirable woman. Research has taught me that many ladies think when their husbands or LTBF's tell them they're sexy, hot, pretty, etc. that they're just saying that because "they have to." So when the women get out and live a little - they find that the husbands weren't BS-ing them, because other guys flirt with them, ask them to dance, and want to go on dates with them. Big confidence boost! And the wives / LTGF's love that feeling.

I read and contribute on several other forums that deal with relationships. The women on those forums (who make use of their "hall passes") say they love the attention they get from other guys, the change in their daily ruts and routines, the feeling of just being a woman again with no strings attached for that day/evening. They like the feeling of some degree of new romance / sexual attraction like when they were in their late teens and twenties. It's a heady, intoxicating feeling to be flirted with and hit on. And if those women meet a nice guy that they get along with, have fun with, laugh with, and feel safe with - they can move on to sexual adventure if they want to.

From all I've read on other forums, in books and articles, and in listening to podcasts of women who have "friends with benefits" / boyfriends on the side - they say they want to keep their marriages strong and healthy. They love their husbands / LTBF's and want to stay with them permanently. They say they love their husbands even more for the freedom they've supported for them to have those occasional "mini-vacations", as some of the ladies call them. The ladies AND the husbands say their communication gets even better because they talk about everything to do with the ladies' playdates, as they often refer to the outings. Everything is talked about and out in the open. No secrets. Some of those women have the same "boyfriend" for years - 10 to 20 years in rare cases if they really like the guy and they get along well. Other women will keep the same guy for 6 months to 2 or 3 years if they get along and have a "connection." Some ladies like that better than "shopping" for new guys all the time - although some ladies do that as well for more variety. From all I've read, most of the couples who've gone this route say they should have started sooner in life and they can't imagine living any other way again.

I'd love to hear from the ladies on this subject. So would all the other guys on here. We NEED your input and opinions, ladies !!!

 

I recently talked with my husband about having a threesome but he doesn't want to share me with anyone, male or female. Even though he admits to imagining another woman going down on me while I give him head and me going down on her while he fucks me. I have a fantasy of being with 2 men in various ways, both of them licking and rubbing me, one in my mouth while the other is fucking me, and even though I'm not really into anal, I would love to try DP. Maybe even 3 guys at once, as long as they are all worshiping me

That being said, and I don't want to offend anyone but from my prospective, some of the language used here was not exactly putting what they said in the best light, especially when using the word "destroyed" and this quote in particular is kind of disturbing.

To each their own but for those of you wondering why more women aren't commenting, this could be why.

As for the OP I suggest talking to her openly about it and asking her to seriously consider it. I would also suggest asking her if she has any fantasies she would like to fulfill.

 

I totally agree with the point about abusive language. For me this is all about giving my wife pleasure and watching her enjoy herself, not her getting abused in any way.

I wish my wife were as adventurous as you! I'm hopeful she will open up more in due course..

 

I'm flattered

 

Thanks MoonGodess, for your contribution in post #67 !! I hope other ladies will follow your lead.

It sounds like you have some HOT ideas for things you'd like to have happen!

 

Seems to have wandered off subject a bit, would be nice to get the ladies view please

 

Things got very P.C

 

Jacking right now bc I found out about a guy she messed with before that’s still in her life and I’ve become friends with.

 

It's weird, all these guys who would like to try this and their ladies don't, then you bring it up with your husband and he's not into it. I have to say, big kudos to you for bringing it up with him, though. As he gets a little older, he may just warm up to the idea and wish he had done so earlier! Whatever's meant to be.

 

Everyone seems to justify it by looking for a bigger dick. There are so many more important things. I'd be all day listing them but you can imagine it if you get off the big dick kick. You want somebody you jive with, a responsible honest type, who's high sexed and into it for the pleasure. Someone whose goal is to assist you in pleasuring your wife. Bring their own ideas but respect you and cede authority to you. Trustworthy enough that they get to cum in your wife - I don't see how it would be worth setting up if that weren't a part of it. Dick size...? it's about attitude, action, amenability - the stuff that makes a good experience.

 

You could always just use something like this if your looking to give her a bigger penis.

 

Like the song says You've Lost that loving Feeling

 

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you

And now you're starting to criticize little things I do

It makes me just feel like crying

'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying

 

OK - Who had the hit of this song?? Anyone remember??? ( I know who it was! ) Just testing the waters.

 

Rightous Bros. I think.