Consciousness, reality, and states

same here. i knew one person that really sang the praises of her antidepressants, but then she said the only problem with it was she couldn't cry anymore. wtf?? crying is a natural way to cleanse ourselves of our emotions. Not being able to cry sounds like hell to me.

yes and I don't really like the idea of slapping a label on depression and anxiety because that implies that something is wrong with you, when really depression and anxiety are a natural part of life. It makes someone normal to occasionally get depressed or anxious. Our society conditions people to think there is something wrong with them if they feel that way and it also conditions them to think there is a quick fix, such as taking a pill.

Our society conditions us to feel as if our reality is meant to be not happy, but numb all the time. Modern society has a numbing effect from the foods we eat to the places we shop to the people we must come in contact with on a day to day basis. Going back to the subject of reality, I live in suburbia. That is my reality on a day to day basis, and my reality on the weekends, which are spent at my friends' house out in the country or camping in the woods sometimes, is a drastically different reality and one in which I am fully in tune with all my emotions, good and bad, and fully in tune with the vibrancy that is life. When I am in suburbia, when I am in the grid and caught up with the mundane details of day to day life I feel numb to everything. Does anyone else feel like this?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how society shapes our reality. I have a goal to move off the grid and take control of my own reality by the time i'm 30.

lunar, your description of your depression is remarkably similiar to mine. I felt like a freak when I was going through that. I felt completely alone in the world. I wish I had hipforums back then so I could have talked to people like you and realized i wasnt alone. I give you props for getting off the anti depressants and taking control of your reality.

 

I can agree. I've been on medication for PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I currently take a medication for anxiety as it happens, but I haven't needed it lately, and I try to drink chamomile tea instead when I feel anxious, which works just as well.
I wanna say, and have said in the past, that psychiatric medications just numb the brain and brainwash you, but then again, I've seen them help people.

 

I was thinking about this exact same thing yesterday. I don't think depression is a bad thing either within reason. I'd much rather acknowledge that I'm depressed or axious than pretend I'm happy or take a pill.

Yep, I spent some time in the mountains yesterday and it was so quiet and peaceful up there. After a couple hours my mind calmed down enough to where I could experience just being in the present.

 

To be honest I felt that they did help me a little bit. I kept experiencing dissociation. It felt like I was watching life in front of my eyes like some movie playing behind a thick layer of glass. When I tried to interact it felt like I was unable to penetrate that layer. I was very robotic and cloudy. The SSRI's helped me a bit to "come back" so to speak, but to be honest I don't know how much of that was the pills, and how much was my own effort. When I told my doctor that I felt my improvement was moreso my own doing as I was developing new interests and creating a more positive outlook, he asked why I would discredit the pills and said that it was more likely they had "done the work."

Partially in spite of those words and the fact that I don't really "believe" in taking pills that are nothing more than a band-aid, I quit them. He almost seemed a little irriated by my decision, but was glad to see an improvement.

As you mentioned though, they were very numbing. They out me in a state of being neither here nor there all the time, which is pretty well how I was before I took them. They also made me very dopey after waking up, something I didn't like as I was always tired and cloudy feeling.

I don't discredit that some anti-depressants can help people, some people really need them to function. I personally though have found interacting with good people, a positive attitude, and forcing oneself to do things you like to work much better and it creates a longer lasting solution.

 

This is true. Society always treats someone who has a temporary sway in midset (depression, anxiety) as though they're broken or something. The fact is mostly everone experiences some form of both at different times throughout life. It seems especially common, more than ever, with today's living standards.

I live in the city as well. It can be very upsetting at times, especially as I'm not one to go to stores or shopping or any of that. I get this really strange feeling when I walk through shopping malls. It reminds me of the movie 'Dawn of the Dead'. George A. Romero shot that in a shopping mall because he wanted to depict the way modern society goes about life; zombie-like consumers who live for nothing more than the next deal. I know exactly what you mean about feeling numb to it, I experience that every time I leave the house. People running around from place to place just to get things done or to shop, it just seems so pointless and empty to me.

"A considerable percentage of the people we meet on the street are people who are empty inside, that is, they are actually already dead. It is fortunate for us that we do not see and do not know it. If we knew what a number of people are actually dead and what a number of these dead people govern our lives, we should go mad with horror.”

G.I. Gurdjieff said this. It's a little dark, but doesn't sound too far from the truth.

This is actually one of the things that helped me immensely when I was depressed. I would go out to nature reserves or the woods and just walk around, sit on the ground and I'd bring a big thermos full of tea, and a pen and paper, or a poetry book. Sometimes I'd just sit and take it all in to the point where my mind became so empty it was completely quiet and peaceful. It was only during those times I felt like I wasn't behind some layer, separated from the outside world.

 

most definitely, yes, and....

..... i am looking forward to doing this.... getting back out into the wild garden of the world...

so much healing can take place when we are in tune with nature... we are so cut off from nature.... from ourselves... for me personally, pills made everything much worse... Mirtazapine nearly killed me...

 

That's a great description.

I think getting outside everyday has help me more than anything could. Sometimes when I head out the door I'll be so negative and depressed but that almost always changes after about an hour or so.....

 

When you are at that emptiness and peace, tears are a million miles away. I do not think crying is necessarily a healthy process. For me it tends to amplify cycles of thinking and keeps me stuck in a hole.

 

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?threadid=414277

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=400145&f=360

i wanted to put these posts here, as large as they are, to illustrate something luna and i were touching on in our PM's before....

notice how alike the descriptions are of the crystal cities... Spicey had smoked DMT and i was just stressed as fuck... (sorry they so long... i didn't know how to shorten them if linking like this)....

 

crying can be VERY appropriate though too... i remember a very healing/crying experience... i was crying so much it was almost like vomiting... i just couldn't stop... the intense part went on for almost two weeks and during almost every waking moment... i was knackered, but started to feel much better afterwards... things have been kinda in an upward spiral ever since (with a few minor exceptions.... but that's just life eh?)...

 

Alright, I'm just an asshole for saying that. True that in blissful peace tears aren't felt. But you're so right. I'd be lying to say I haven't healed by crying and letting it all out. Also I've cried intensely and probably the longest from profound feelings of compassion and joy. I remember the first year I went to Grassroots festival. The morning after I tripped, we were sitting listening to literally tear in your beer country music, which I Like, and I remembered how my friend pointed out the previous night while I was sitting hugging my knees looking up at the sky tripping some random girl nearby doing the same thing, in the same position. The feeling I got from that memory and in relation to the whole trip and festival experience in whole was too much and I broke down uncontrollably. Well not like sobbing, but I couldn't hold back the tears regardless. Similar thing happened my third time at that festival, the last day of it, the festival's home Native American band was playing and indians with beautiful dress were dancing around on stage and leader of the band began speaking about the togetherness of the festival and how that is the truth of the world. You know all that jive...well I was with a big group of friends eating a grassfed beef burger and I just couldn't hold back the tears again. I had to turn away from them, because I was breaking up quite a bit.

Edited, I definitely was strung out from many psychedelics that weekend and was a bit drunk at that time. But since that experience this past summer I haven't been able to find contentment, and in many ways have reached the lowest point in my life. Maybe that's why I was crying, because the apparent togetherness I knew was something that wouldn't be so apparent after I return to my life. In fact I'm beginning to tear just thinking of it. I was so depressed after that festival ended. Felt soo lost. I can't wait till we're all together again. :'|

 

i know exactly what you mean man! i juss wanna hug ya! :grouphug: