Hello everyone I'm a 22 years old woman and I have barely had any experiences with guys - I had some foreplay with a friend of mine and I kissed another, but no real sex for now. I'm not shy, I'm an outgoing, talkative, self-confident sort of person, with plenty of friends and an active social life. I have never really thought I could be interesting to guys, because of my short hair, my robust physique, my frankness and my playing "the active role" in social contexts. My not-that-good relationship with my father all throughout my adolescence didn't help either, to be honest. What's more, I went to upper-class schools with plenty of snobs and spoilt brats who weren't exactly kind and encouraging. Recently, I developed feelings for a girl, and I acted upon them. I enjoyed everything we did - making out and what happened in the bedroom - and now I am really confused about my sexuality. I am attracted to men 90% of the time, I never had any crushes on girls when I was younger, only guys, and maybe my insecurities about my appearance/character prevented me from experimenting with them... Normally I see other girls as friends, not lovers, but this girl really awoke something in me... In your opinion is it possible that I am straight and I turned to girls only because of my insecurities? Or else is it possible for sexuality to evolve, to change over the years? Thank you in advance for your help Have a super nice day
I am straight. But I would absolutely say, follow your instincts. Whatever makes you happy. Always happy to support you.
Hi, Kyria. Learning who you really are is one of life's great adventures. There are a lot of "maybes" in your story. Maybe you had a preference for girls all along and that caused your insecurity with guys. Maybe you are bisexual. Maybe your preference is changing. That can happen. While sexual orientation is not something we can choose, it seems that it can respond to external pressures. Or maybe you turned to girls because of insecurities with guys. It could be any of those, or a combination. By all means explore. That is how you will figure yourself out.
Welcome to the Hip Forums! I don't think anyone would be eager to turn to the same sex just because things with the opposite sex weren't going well. If anything it seems as if your lack of success with guys is what led you to discover you can like the ladies too. For whatever reason you weren't aware of this. Our society isn't as supportive of homosexuality as it should be, so I can see you maybe suppressing these desires. It happened to me for years! Or you instantaneously developed same sex attraction. This happens too. I understand how appearance can have an effect. Honestly there is something there. However it is often overrated. Attitude matters much more. Looks can hook people in. But what's left once the initial attraction is over? That's not to say you aren't attractive. Attraction is relative. I have to admit I have times of being attracted to "tough" women. Also, the more you embrace and appreciate your looks, the more they are appealing to others. And I'm glad you had an awakening with a lady friend. It sounds like you had a beautiful, fun time together! Maybe even relieving?
It was definitely good and to be honest I didn't expect it to be that natural... The thing is, I have always been really supportive of the LGBTQ+ community since I was younger, so I don't think I have repressed any feelings... Perhaps it is more a matter of personality rather than sexual identity for me, it's about finding a good one, no matter what their gender is. Thank you for your opinion and support!
I've also supported the LGBT community. Ironically I have been homophobic, but the homophobia was internalized. It's good you're moving on and experiencing life. I'm sure you found out some new things. Keep it up. And don't give up on the guys if you still fancy them. Statistically there are plenty who will go ga-ga over you, and want to stick around to see more.
There is so much to explore, Kyria. Today, there is so much information and people are more comfortable discussing it, too. It's not easy, sometimes, to get to who we really are as humans and as individuals. Labels and societal pressure can prevent us from figuring things out. I know it took me years to realize and accept that I am a gay-leaning bisexual who enjoys experiencing intimacy with more than one person. This, you can imagine, caused quite a bit of pain, for my straight conservative wife as I began to allow myself to understand it. Our sexual identity is fluid but stays pretty close to a narrow range. Who we are attracted to and who we enjoy being with changes and can be much broader. I hope you will allow yourself the freedom to be yourself. It takes time, though. Some people seem to know very easily and quickly. Others, like me, find it less clear.
I'm definitely going to think about it... Society affects everyone in any possible ways and to be honest, I already asked myself whether I had internalised homophobia or not... I'm happy I've had this experience, it opened a brand new world of possibilities to me!
Thank you for sharing this with me, it must have been really hard for you to live all that... I''m sorry to hear that you suffered a lot! Many people experience attraction to the same gender during the very first years of their puberty and honestly I really envy them! I wish I had known earlier, but as KathyL said, preference may change and we have to accept that, even if it confusing... Thank you really much for replying!
When I was your age, I also went through a very "confuuused" phase. However, during my first same-sex experience, I suddenly recognized that I had been pan-sexual all along, and that the only thing that made me confused was societal conditioning. I had been affectionate and loving with both male and female friends all my life up to the point where I started having sex, and it was at that pivotal point where I had to discard all the homophobic conditioning and revel in the freedom of being myself. I hope you do the same.
I really need to work on this... I guess it's the school of hard knocks and the social conditioning. I am naturally affectionate but I have conditioned myself to hold back - and it seems it's gotten even more of a challenge in recent years. People seem to get all freaked over affection, caring expressions. There is a huge difference from inappropriate touching and showing you care about someone. I appreciate your words here and to me in another post, BiGuySW.
Life is so short. Hundred years from now--we'll all be gone and nobody will know anything we did or did not do. Do what you want with gusto and joy with whomever you want. Perhaps your confusion only exists in relation to what OTHERS may think.
