Confessions Of A Moderator

Don't pay attention to Spiffy, he's a mod in disguise so anything he says is suspect.
He is right about the groups within groups though, like layers of an onion, and we all know what's at the center of an onion.
I'll be getting to the inner circle secrets eventually.

So, the real truth is that super mods are very good, excellent, superb, and marvelous...in short they are superior.

As far as what modes I rate: I am in the pie ala mode category.

 

I believe that Snowden has been duped. I think the "secrets" he was able to obtain were all planted by the government. He only got what they wanted him to get. Disinformation. Old trick. He's an amateur.

 

Now, before I tell you what I found I must back up and explain how Hip forum actually works. To do this I'll reveal our methods of moderation.

Let me start with underage posters.
We have a policy of restricting posting to mature personages....I know what you're thinking...since when. But I am referring to chronological age, not mental or emotional.

To determine the physical age of a member is pretty difficult at times if we base that determination solely on content, as you may have noticed.
So we had to come up with a more reliable method.

This was called the Doody Test. The Doody Test was a questionnaire sent out to suspected underage members. Posting would be disabled until satisfactory completion of the questionnaire was accomplished. While I can't reveal the exact nature of the questions, they would be something like the following examples:

Who was Princess Summerfallwinterspring?
What lets you run your fastest and jump your highest?
What are curb feelers?
Who was Mr. Television?
Who's coming to save the day?

And so on. If you couldn't answer the questions you obviously were too young to know the answers and so too young to post.

But as time went on the Doody Test itself became dated and a new test has since been implemented which I have no part in, because I am now clueless as to popular culture and how it relates to the "younger" set of people around here.

For example, for years I couldn't understand what that cartoon about a piece of Swiss cheese was about. Then someone told me he was a sponge. Was I embarrassed. Like, what the f-k is so funny about a sponge? I just don't get it.

So that's one example of how we operate.

Next I'll explain how we handle Spam.

 

You're getting ahead of me.

 

Spam, spam, spam, spam...spam, spam, spam, spam....

There many different types of spam.

The first is the obvious spammer. Like, "visit my web site", or "buy this or that"...that kind of stuff. They then provide a link which I am always afraid to click on because I know it's going to lead to some child pornography site in Chile that will take over my computer and fill it up with child porn; then two minutes later the FBI will knock on my door with a search warrant and I'll be stammering around with a bunch of "Buts" and "I didn't knows" and "You gotta believe me" and so on. And I don't know if they give you free internet service in the pen or not.

But it's my job as a moderator, so I feel obligated to check them out as just maybe the link might, just might, lead to a cure for cancer...or something.

Then I hide them from public view and mark the poster as a spammer, which sends them and the post into oblivion never to return for at least 2 or 3 minutes after they set up a new account.
Then I have to check out their profile and hunt down all the posts they've made and ip address and deal with them.

If it's a really good spammer I may pm them and get..oh a free tire rotation, or some male enhancement cream, or a box of animal crackers or something like that provided I take my time at booting them off the site.

(Note: ignore that last sentence, I made it up.)

Well, enough about that right now I need a rest, I'll continue about the spam later.

 

Bot Spam by SpamBots, there's a fake URL I buried in there by using the letters URL somewhere. These are Web Crawlers that target forums, set up an account and post this stuff which is designed to defeat CAPTCHAs. More on them later.

We just get rid of this stuff, but these guys can post lots of stuff real fast.

Lastly, we have the most insidious.
These are the members who post something like, "I get a lot of headaches and have been thinking of using 'HeadPainGosAwayFast', I can get it down at my local drugstore for only $19.95, but I'm hesitant to try it." "Anyone Know anything about it?"

Spam or Not Spam? I usually check the number of posts, sign on date, etc. to make a determination.
Sometimes if it's a long time member I'll just yell at them. It makes me feel better.

Anyway I'm tired of Spam.

Any questions so far?

Maybe I'll do some Trolling next.

 

So what's the difference between Trolling and Satire?

Here's a definition I stole from another forum who attributed it to Google:

Here is another one I stole from another forum:

The problem is that when you use satire to expose someone's stupidity, as in the first definition, they are too stupid to realize that you are only using satire to point out their stupidity to them, in a humorous way. And then they get pissed off. That's because they're stupid and don't know you are only trying to help them out by expressing your literary prowess and not really Trolling.

So...if you ever see a satirical remark made in response to a post you've made you need to stop and realize how stupid you are...and then you will see the humor in the satirical remark and not get mad and think of it as Trolling.

Now, satire takes a wee bit of intelligence to pull off. You have to direct your insult in a funny way so that it doesn't appear to be Trolling. Unfortunately it also takes intelligence to recognize the Troll was really satire.

I have great respect for someone who can deliver a satirical remark that points out how stupid someone is and yet manages to avoid the appearance of Trolling by the moderators.

Bottom line with me is....if it's funny and you're to stupid to know it....you must really be stupid.
And I let it slide.