Concrete River

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Major Peacenik, Jan 29, 2005.

  1. Lyrixxxxxxxxx
    I was cooking an egg yesterday morning, and "I live on a concrete river, and happiness is just around the bend" popped into my head. The rest was sooon to follow... but I couldn't put the original line in for sylistic purposes.



    We be livin on a concrete river
    It starts in the distance and flows out of town
    And the river is wide as the broad expanse
    At the base of the concrete mountain

    Just waitin for a concrete man
    A concrete man with granite in his veins
    To fold me in his stony arms, and tell me

    We be livin on a concrete river
    It starts in the distance and flows out of town
    And the river is wide as the broad expanse
    At the base of the concrete mountain

    Just waitin for the concrete gods
    The concrete gods with their gravel rain
    To grant me my concrete freedom, tell me

    We be livin on a concrete river
    It starts in the distance and flows out of town
    And the river is wide as the broad expanse
    At the edge of the concrete mountain
     
  2. Smiling_Rose

    Smiling_Rose Member

    i like this (lots of clapping)! for some reason anything with the word "concrete" in it attracts me. but the line you mentioned, "I live on a concrete river, and happiness is just around the bend" appealed to me more by itself than the final poem. plus the idea of cooking an egg while it came to you... maybe you could included the egg in the poem, lol.
     
  3. imaflake

    imaflake Member

    I love it when great lines pop into my head when I am performing random tasks. At first I started to write them down but sometimes I wasn't in a situation condusive to writing and I would forget some of my greatest thoughts. Also, it is not a good idea to write when driving. Mailboxes get in the way. Now I carry a small recorder with me.
    I loved this poem for the simple reason that it was original. I don't like being in the middle of a work with the thought in the back of my head that I have read it before. I have been wondering though if the reason many poems sound the same is that they are an expression of strong feelings of the writer. Strong feelings are what inspire people and we therefore end up writing in the same themes maybe? This was unlike any I have ever read. Bravo.
     
  4. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    ~* Very cool concepts. Thanks!*~
     

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