I have been in an open then closed relationship with a gorgeous girl for roughly eight months now. I met her last summer when I took a trip to see another friend, who said I couldn't come a week before I set to leave, and ended up staying with her instead. She and I have many of the same ideals, we have the same view in politics, the same ideas on where we want to go in life, we know we are really good for each other and do very much love each other. There is one thing that doesn't work out though. At the beginning of our relationship we decided we were poly and open, even though it was the two of us. This worked out nicely because she does live eight hours away from me and isn't right there when I need something physically. So I went home, let her know who I was sleeping with and when and where, everything so she could keep tabs like she asked. I slept with a total of three different people between July and December, her included. The two others were people I went to frequently during. During her visit in December my ex boyfriend met her and told her a few too many things about what had been going on, mostly small things I didn't want her to worry about, and she started to get upset over it, at the both of us. My ex boyfriend isn't some one I had slept with the whole time I had been dating her. We settled the matter enough while she was here that she was alright with it and seemed to be alright with what was going on while I wasn't around her. So she left for her home again and about the week after I was sleeping with one of the two usual's. Promptly, a week after that, she broke up with me stating she couldn't trust me or handle me. I know I held a few things back from her, one of which was the type of relationship I actually held with one person, it was D/S based, but I still didn't fully understand her reasoning behind it. Thankfully, a month later, and a month of be feeling too guilt to sleep with some one and other wise abstaining, she got back with me roughly a week before Valentine's day. We are still together now, under the rule that I am loyal only to her. My issue is is that she got jealous even though we stated in the beginning that we would remain open and poly, and she only just admitted it was for my sake. While I understand this and I agreed to be monogamous for her sake I am feeling strained. I have an odd libido where I don't have any constant need for sex till I actually need it, this honestly leaves me stressed and tense and really un-able to completely relieve myself on most or any given night. as a sum up,I want to know if you think this is worth trying to compromise one person I am able to sleep with back in my life or something roughly around those lines, or if I am literally just upset over nothing.
First, I would like to say that I'm strictly monogamous and would never have had a relationship with anyone who said they were polyamorous. That being said, she may not have realized she preferred monogamy or was trying to be "open minded" and try something new with regards to your relationship. She has decided that monogamy is for her. You need to decide if monogamy is for you or not. You are the only one who can decide this. This is not meant to be offensive (I am simply curious, since I'm not polyamorous, I really don't know), but what is the reason for your poly relationship? Is it because you genuinely enjoy other people or that you think sex with one person is going to be stale? You need to think about your drives/motivations and that will help you decide which is for you. Personally, I was afraid of the "7 year itch" and my husband thought the same thing- that he would get bored with me. Turns out, he enjoys sex even more than before and it surprised him that he didn't feel the need to cheat after 7 years. I think the whole "7 year itch" is just a social construct. I don't buy into that stuff anymore. We do what is best for our marriage and each other and we're doing just fine. (Our sex life is pretty vanilla, too. Some people need to mix it up and some don't. Doesn't mean that one is better than the other.)
First of all I am pulling this thread, she broke up with me this morning. But to answer your question the reason I am seeking poly is because he does live so far away. I'm not worried about the sex getting stale or either of us getting disgruntled at each other or any thing, it was the pure fact that I have a bad sex drive and that I need some one there constantly. Granted having the variety is nice but I can live with out it, I have before and I will need to again. She thinks neither of us are ready for a serious relationship, which I don't blame her, but I would be a lot more able to if distance wasn't such an aspect.
