completely screwed up

He doesn't have the option of "having nothing to do with the baby." He should have thought of that before he got you pregnant. (Have you people never heard of condoms, for pete's sake?) If he is refusing to marry (which is what the two of you should have done the minute you knew you were pregnant) then you need to establish his parental responsibility and immediately take him to court for child support. I hate to encourage anybody to use the welfare system, but your baby daddy (God, I despise the very idea of that term) OWES YOU EIGHTEEN YEARS OF CHILD SUPPORT. Get a lawyer, immediately. If he refuses to acknowledge his responsibility, and tries to run, both the Feds and your State Attorney General's Office will pursue him to the ends of the earth to get their money. He will not be able to get a Driver's License, or any other kind of state license until he pays up. The Feds will confiscate all his Federal Income Tax returns, and the State Attorney General's Office will eventually press charges against him for non-support of a minor child.

He doesn't get to "just say no." He should have thought of that idea before he got you pregnant. For your child's sake, you MUST establish paternity.

For you guys out there reading this--EITHER KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, OR PREPARE TO SUPPORT WHATEVER CHILDREN YOU FATHER UNTIL THEY ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. And the state does not take "No" for an answer. If you don't want to be a daddy, then don't be ridin' bareback.

 

He's not worth the effort for you to be worrying about him right now. Frankly you need to look at this as if this was not your story. Any friend, child, sister of yours whose boyfriend decided to just cease all contact directly after she gave birth is an asshole. If you weren't in that delicate postpartum phase you'd probably see that. You need to rally a group of supportive, loving people around you, make new friends, get better acclimated with being a mother and bond with your son. When you're feel more comfortable with that...a few months from now at least, then look into finding him and letting him know that dodging his responsibility and abandoning the two of you like that is not okay.

Give yourself some barriers and build up your self-esteem and vow to never pine for someone who would treat you that way. You and your son both deserve better.

 

Sounds like a douchebag

 

he left you because religion. thats the stupidest thing i ever read.

 

you both sound unreliable.

 

I agree 100 fucking percent. I'm so tired of hearing how women just resign to raising their kids by themselves and they just let the guy off the hook. You are entitled to help (at least financially, which is better than nothing and helps out a whole hell of a lot) from the father of your child. They don't want to date you anymore? Fine. But they participated in making a baby with you and they don't get to walk away from that.

 

To keep things simple, if he loves and cares he'd be there in some manner. Move on.

If you dont have a job maybe get one or work on it somehow. Just make sure all the needs of the baby is provided for.

As for the child support matter some have mentioned... do you know his real name? or how to even find him for this?

I think we all know that the religion is not the reason and that is the made up escape line... right?

Woman, he screwed you over and you wanna say sorry to him? wake up will you for your childs sake

 

Kurona, for pete's sake! What woman in her right mind would have sexual intercourse with a man if she did not even know his "real name." I mean, I'm astounded. Would you have sex with a complete stranger? WHY, for God's sake, would anybody do that?

Such behavior is way beyond reckless and irresponsible. It's dangerous! And if the woman becomes pregnant, the child pays the price!

Behavior that either deliberately or carelessly harms other people is NOT OKAY. And being raised with no father is definitely harmful.

When a woman decides to have sexual intercourse with someone, she should be thinking about what possible consequences there might be. Was I always responsible? Of course not. Luckily, I fathered no children out of wedlock (as the joke goes, "that I know of.") It's a good thing too, because when I was reckless and careless in my life, I would have made a terrible father. No woman or girl should have had anything to do with me. Did they? Yes, but it just shows how reckless and careless they were.

 

You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Granted what happened may have been wrong, but you ain't no more right by how you're treating her. She came here for support, not to be judged. So I suggest the two of you (if it is two, and not one dick with two nicks) back off NOW!

What happened happened and no criticism about the past is gonna help the here and the now.

 

its not that hard to feed people, under such circumstances, false info. She doesnt even know the number right now. If anything what i said is valid, you people talk about pursuing him then how? realistically. he can move around, change numbers address hell even a name. how can you track a guy across a country? and tell me why this question shouldnt be asked coz its criticism

you know hobs, im not sure if youre using the response to be able to flat out say things you cant directly about the matter........

and you logan
How is that criticism? Telling this woman to move on and get a job and care for her child and stop giving a crap about this dude?? What do you want, "oh im so sorry you must feel like crap, there now itll be ok. he will return to you and you a nice girl. oh i know its hard" that??? - what does that accomplish???

 

Logan 5--YOU back off! We have millions and millions of children in this country being raised by single mothers because of a complete lack of supervision of teenagers by their parents! Frankly, I could not care less whether they choose to have multiple children by multiple fathers if they would pay to raise their kids out of their own pocket. Unfortunately, because our government is so completely brainless, they give them TANF (Temporary Aid to Needy Families--what used to be called AFDC and is generally termed "welfare") without requiring them to change the way they live their lives.

People say, "Well the government can't tell me how many children I can have." Really? I disagree. That's only true if you pay for the raising of your own children. IF YOU CAN'T FEED 'EM, DON'T BREED 'EM. I say each foolish young couple gets one mistake for free. To get TANF, the mother must identify the father, and he must submit to DNA testing if he disputes paternity. If he does not dispute paternity, then he must pay child support as determined by the Court, not by the father until the child reaches age 18. If he fathers another child out of wedlock, he should be forcibly sterilized by vasectomy. Then he can screw whomever he pleases without condemning innocent children to a lifetime of neglect and poverty. You like apples? How 'bout them apples?

I'm SICK of paying taxes so careless, reckless idiots can avoid responsibility for their actions. You act like the decision for two people to have sex who are not married and are not using birth control and condoms is nobody's business but their own. WRONG. WE have to support the children if the father won't or can't. If we have to support them, then we should have authority over their behavior.

And while thinking about it, the same thing goes for people who stupidly catch HIV. We've known how HIV is transmitted for thirty years, yet we still have stupid assholes who catch it. Let them pay the $35,000 a year for anti-viral drugs themselves! How is that our responsibility? Nobody asked them to shoot dope in their arms with dirty needles or screw people they don't know, and whose medical status is a complete mystery.

You want to be "free?" Great. PAY FOR IT YOURSELF.

 

Uhh just to be clear I am not on TANF. The only government assistance I get is food stamps. I don't even get the full amount of food stamps because I have a job. I am the one who pays for my kid, not everyone else.

 

HM22, I'm sorry that you have to listen to folks like BH spout off their ignorance.
I don't know of any other way to help you, but you are in my prayers.