Is there any techniques or anything anyone can suggest to help me out of my shell? I had been with the same man for 18 years and now we're divorced....our sex life was very boring and there were things I wanted to try that he wasn't into so I became very closed off. Now that I have a chance to open up and when I do find that someone....how do I get past those insecurities and come out of my shell?
Have a couple of drinks, not too many, and say what do you think of trying this? Definitely depends on your feel of the moment though.
You could always just try some sexting with one of your potential dates and see what turns him or her on. Maybe ask about what things turn them on that most people don’t know. But if it’s things you want to try, I’d suggest toys at first and the ease into things.
Interesting, on Saturday, you started another thread by posting that you were "going through a divorce". On Monday, you post here that you're now divorced. What court issues a divorce decree on a Sunday? That aside, you change your routine in this regard the way you would in any other aspect of life. You make choices, and act on those choices. Take it one step at a time. Evaluate your progress from time to time. If what you're doing isn't working for you, try something else. It helps to have an idea in mind at the outset of what you're trying to accomplish. As the saying goes, if you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there. Getting back to the weekend divorce, not just a Sunday, but Superbowl Sunday. Few courts would have been open even for criminal arraignments, but you managed to have a divorce decree issued on a Sunday by a court handling civil cases. Having accomplished that not-insignificant feat, I'm sure you can find your way out of your shell without much trouble.
I was in the same boat when I divorced my first wife. It took some time but I eventually found a few partners who were into the things I wanted to try. My point is those folks are out there. You might feel like time is against you but it really isn't. You don't have to start searching for those partners tomorrow. Lol
Hi sweetnsassy I am in a similar situation with my wife. I'm desperate trying to get her to come out her shell and so far if found only one thing that I find very erotic and my wife gets a thrill from it. What we basically happened is we was out having a meal when my wife whispers to that 2 guys at the bar keep look at her at first I ignored it but it was till I was at the bar myself that I noticed what they 2 guys was up to. My wife had a short summer dress on and every now and then when she moved her knickers would flash. I was instantly turned on by this so once I get back to her I inform my wife. At first she wanted no part of what I suggested as I suggested she open her legs and let them see. After a good 20 minutes talk my wife agreed and so she opened her legs and give them a show. Since then I get my wife to do this when ever we go out and she now enjoys the attention. Men have started to talk to her and I hope I can convince her to have sex with most of them. Try it men love looking.
As you begin to date, be sure you communicate what you are looking for. And don’t be shy about it! It your sex life and your deserve to live the rest of your sex life to the fullest. Above all keep a open relationship. Don’t get in the same rut. A small step would be to bring a date to a nude resort. These places are great for expanding your limits.
My best bet is there is nowhere to start from,, but you can try going into it gradually. With all the things you want to try, start with the “smallest” one. If you feel comfortable and trust your partner / boyfriend / fwb whoever that is, open up about your lack of experiences and you always wanted to try a few things. If I was that guy, that would get my attention and curiosity! Doesn’t mean your guy would feel comfortable doing all the things you have in mind. You say you don’t handle alcohol very well, keep it out of it or you will sabotage yourself.
I think it just takes time once you are comfortable with your partner.. communication becomes more honest and open, you feel more secure suggesting or attempting something because of trust that has been built up.. over the last 4 years my husband and I have kicked the door open with things we enjoy sexually and it has certainly made for some great memories!
