Clothes of a fellow student

Hi!

I am not sure if this is the right forum, I am new here ...

It is about a friend (more or less), a fellow student who is attending some lectures with me in university. We learn together and we also went out some times.

First of all I must say, I dont care much about clothes. And I like it if someone wear unusual stuff. For example, I wear ripped jeans, like to go barefeet when it is warm.

That said, I know this girl for about half a year now. She seems to have not much clothes, to say the least. She wears (nearly) the same stuff every day. A blue or a grey t-shirt, a worn hooddie and ripped jeans, literally held together by safety pins. Until last week she wore canvas shoes ripped at the sides and with broken soles. Then she was barefeet for one day and the next day she came to the lectures in cheap flipflops. Despite the fact that it is not really warm here right now.

I know her a bit, and I know that she has not much money to spend for this and that. But she never mentioned that she needs new (or more) clothes or something like that. But I think she does.

I would like to help her, but I don't know if I should offer my help. I could borrow her some of my clothes or some money. But I don't know how she would react. Maybe it's offending to her.

What would you suggest?

 

I guess you could give her a gift or loan her something

 

if you're about the same size, you could tell her that you were cleaning out your closet and had some things she is welcome to look through before you take them to a thrift store or something.

kind of an awkward situation though... you don't want to offend her by asking if she needs help, but you also don't want to not offer to help someone who might need it.

sorry, this isn't much help really... i don't know what i would do in your situation.

 

Yes, but I don't know how she would respond, that is the problem for me right now ...

 

Yes, but that would mean that I noticed that she needs new clothes and that I want to give her some of mine. I don't want to offend her.

Yes, indeed.

Nevertheless, thanks for your thoughts.

 

You could personalize a gift, that way she might not get offended. For example, if she likes a particular tv show or whatever, you could find/ make a tshirt with something related to that tv show. Just an example. Just try to find anything that would make you say 'I saw this in a shop yesterday and it was so perfect for you, I just had to buy it for you'.

 

Great idea. But for that I have to first find out what tv show (or whatever) she likes. We have not spoken about that yet.

And besides that, a tshirt is not the problem at the moment. Jeans and shoes are more needed, I think ...

 

Yeah, but that is my problem. If I say something like that, how would she react? If somebody (more or less strange) would offer me some clothes, I guess I would think: wtf? (in my position)

I like her, I don't want to offend her.

btw: I am male, she is (obviously) female. We are about the same size (I think), so my tshirts would probably fit her. About my jeans I'm not so sure. And shoes definetely not ...

But I think a lot about this right now. I want to help but I don't know how ...

 

Maybe you could invite her to coffee after class and get to know her better. She might open up about her situation, or not. You could tell her that you are concerned about her and would like to help. It certainly is a dilemma because you don't want to offend her. Best wishes.

 

University.

 

Yes, I will try. Perhaps I see her in lecture tomorrow morning (she is not always there). I would like to know her better.

Yes.

Thanks.

 

I Think This Is The Best Solution To The Prob...



Cheers Glen.

 

This morning I invited her to a cup of coffee (two actually, we were talking for about three hours). First we talked about this and that, but then it came to money and the raising costs and so on.

She said her clothes must look pathetic (I was relieved that she started the topic so I didn't have to mention it) and that she is in flipflops because her shoes fell apart and she can't afford new shoes.

She told me, as she moved here about a year ago, the bag containing all her clothes was stolen and that she didn't have money to buy new clothes so far. So she has only the things she wore that day, for about a year now! Apparently she can barely pay the rent and buy food and stuff like that.

I felt very sad and of course I offered her to help. I was very careful, though. I told her that I have a few things I wanted to take to a thrift store and so on, but she instantly rejected the offer. And she was very clear about that, she insisted getting along and that she don't need that.

I am really confused about that. She wasn't angry and also didn't seem to be offended by my offer. On the contrary, I asked her if we could meet again outside university and she agreed. So Wednesday we will have our first real date.

But I don't understand her reaction. She has only two holey tshirts, her hoddie is bursting at the seams and her jeans are falling apart. So she would be much better with a few sweaters and one or two pairs of my jeans even if they are old and oversized. With a belt it would be no problem.

If I were in her situation, I would not have rejected such an offer. I accept it, but I don't understand.

 

Some people just want to be independent and not feel like they owe anyone anything. Maybe as she gets to know you better and trust you she will soften on this issue. It must be difficult for her to afford shelter, food and taking classes. She has set her priorities and clothes are just not high on that list for now. Best wishes on your date.

 

I know if my friend offered me to look at their donation clothes, I'd be all over that like white on rice. Maybe she really doesn't care about clothes.

 

Yes, I can understand that.

I hope so.

Yes, but it should. You see, I said I know her for half a year. But I don't really know her so long. I met her the first time half a year ago. Then I saw her occasionally. We learn together for about a month now. As I realized, that she was wearing these clothes every day (even in the cold winter days here) for about a year now ... well ... I felt sad. And I don't understand why she never managed to get some stuff ...

Thanks.

 

I have thought about this. I don't know how I would do, because I was never in such a situation. But I think I would accept the offer.

I think so. I asked her why she haven't sewed her jeans, for example. She told me, that she never learned how to sew (okay, I also haven't) AND that she is too lazy to try. So safety pins have to do ... Well, I have no clue why she rejected my offer. But I look forward to our date.

 

Yes you can help her but it would also be a good step if you talk to the student helping section in your university as a quick solution could be given which would be helpful for the other students like her.