Close Quarters (fiction)

Its been nearly a decade since I wrote this. I still love the two characters. Hope you like them too

Close Quarters
a short radio play by Lester Izmoore

(author's note -- the attitudes that the characters I create take on are not necessarily my own. Each character has his or her own existence, and when I write them, I have to stay true to them).

Rollie: You know, Aunt Kelly, I'm kinda pissed at Mom.

Aunt K: I'm not kinda pissed. I'm really pissed. I told her and told her that Miguel son-of-a-bitch was no fucking good. And she says, "Oh you're just prejudiced against Latinos." I never gave a shit about that. I could just tell. No fucking good. Now look what he's done for her. "Oh we're gonna make so much money," she says. They get caught, he rats her out, and now she's 27 months in Club Fed for fraud. And they took your house to pay restitution. She won't even see you graduate high school. Yeah I'm pissed alright.

Rollie: You make it sound like it's putting you out having to take me.

Aunt K: Oh sweetie! No! I didn't mean that. Not a bit. Oh I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much you mean to me. No idea. It's an unexpected joy for you to come and live with me. No this is all on your mom. I never thought my own sister would be such a dumb-ass. Yeah you need to be really pissed at her too. Really really pissed.

Rollie: Jeez! You're not gonna hurt your back are you? I still don't get why you insist on carrying all my things.

Aunt K: It's just the first step of me indulging you and spoiling you rotten. Besides I'm the one who goes to the gym and lifts weights three times a week. Look at you. I'm amazed you can still walk. All you ever do is sit around, play video games, and watch TV. You might hurt yourself carrying all this shit. ... Ok you see this denim skirt I’m wearing? You see the right front pocket? Reach in there and get the card key. It opens this door.

Rollie: You sure you want me to put my hand there?

Aunt K: I'm not putting all your shit down just to pick it up again. Now don't be such a wuss. Hell we're family. If you slip and touch something private I promise I won't be embarrassed. So maybe if you try real hard you can be not embarrassed too?

Rollie: Ok. If you say so.

Aunt K: Yeah that's it.

Sound effect: Door buzzer

Aunt K: It opens the apartment too. I've got a spare up there for you. Now run ahead and call the elevator.

Sound effect: Elevator rings, doors open

Aunt K: Push eleven. When we get there go open apartment 1103.

Sound effect: Elevator

Sound effect: Apartment door opens.

Rollie: Aunt Kelly, where's the bedroom?

Aunt K: Bolt the door. Let me put this stuff down. Oofta whew! ... This is it little boy. It's called an efficiency. 150 square feet of home sweet home. There's a foldaway in that wall. Your mom made me promise we wouldn't sleep in the same bed, so I packed an inflatable mattress in the foldaway that we can lay on the floor at night. We'll take turns sleeping in the bed. That ok with you?

Rollie: I guess so.

Aunt K: I don't know why she's so worried about us in the same bed. She knows I've sworn never to have sex with another human being again. I mean if even we did sleep together, nothing would happen. You do know that, right?

Rollie: Yeah. Of course. But Aunt Kelly -- really truly -- you're actually celibate for life?

Aunt K: We'll talk about that later. Now let me give you a welcome hug. Oooh there. That's so sweet. Welcome home Rollie.

Rollie: Aunt Kelly!

Aunt K: Ok I'll let go now. I don't know why that makes you so uncomfortable these days. I've hugged you like that since you were little. It's one of the great joys of my life. You used to like it too...

Rollie: Hey! Nice TV Auntie.

Aunt K: You like it? 52 inch flat-screen. And there's three different hi-def porn channels you can watch anytime you want.

Rollie: You're letting me watch porn? You're kidding aren't you.

Aunt K: I wouldn't shit you. Watch all the porn you like. Hell I'll watch it with you. I mean you're just gonna watch porn on the internet anyway. So why make a big deal of it? If you don't like what's on those channels I'll rent you whatever specialty porn you like -- except for violent porn. That's out.

Rollie: Oooh--K. I guess you're serious about spoiling me. But I'd feel kinda funny watching together with you.

Aunt K: Get over it. Hey this is a tiny apartment. Everything we do is gonna be together. You'll warm up to it.

Rollie: So Aunt Kelly, when do you get to reading me the rules?

Aunt K: Rules? Ok. Here are the rules. It's just basic healthy living, that's all. No junk food. No alcohol except for maybe a glass of wine over dinner. Absolutely no drugs. And if you're a smoker, I'm gonna smack your head till you quit.

Rollie: Don't worry. I don't smoke. But I mean, what about homework hours and TV hours and gaming hours and going out hours? Is there a curfew?

Aunt K: Just be responsible. That's all I ask. I expect you to complete your schoolwork on whatever schedule you choose. So you can watch TV or play your games anytime you like. You can play whatever music you like as long as it doesn't disturb my sleep or bother the neighbors. As far as curfew goes, use your judgment. If I stayed out till dawn you'd probably get worried, wouldn't you. Don't make me worry about you. Do you have a girlfriend?

Rollie: No.

Aunt K: Well if you get one, I don't want her up here. I don't care if you fuck her, as long as you use a condom. But you're not doing it here. In fact, don't bring any of your friends up here. This place is just too small for company.

Rollie: So that's it?

Aunt K: Just one more thing. Get used to the fact that the amount of privacy we're gonna have from each other here is zero. I've been living alone here for five years and I'm not about to change my habits just for you. That bathroom is about the size of a coffin, so I pee and shower in there with the door open. Get used to it. You're welcome to do the same. I sleep naked. In fact most of the time I spend here I prefer to be naked. ... Oh don't look so incredulous. Naked is healthy. Naked is natural. You should try it. The hours you spend naked are not deducted from your life-span. I'll just get naked right now so you can start getting over it this minute.

Rollie: Auntie! Don't!

Aunt K: Don't turn away. You're gonna look eventually. Get used to what I look like. See! This is me -- not those rags they make me drape over my skin out there. Inside those clothes this is what's there all the time -- me -- your Aunt Kelly. It's not like you haven't seen me naked before.

Rollie: I haven't!

Aunt K: Don't you remember when I used to bathe you when you were little?

Rollie: Yeah. I remember that.

Aunt K: Don't you remember the times I got into the bath tub with you?

Rollie: Kinda.

Aunt K: What do you think I was wearing when I did that?

Rollie: I dunno. I just remember you with me. I was so little. I didn't notice you were naked.

Aunt K: Well I’m naked now, whether you care to notice or not. Stare all you want. It doesn't bother me a bit. See -- I leave the blind open all the time. If somebody across the park wants to peer at me through a telescope, I just don't give a fuck. And you're welcome to be naked all you want too. It's good for the soul. Modesty is for weaklings. Just one rule. There's a bidet in the toilet. Use it. I don't want to see any skids on the furniture. And by the way, any time you feel like polishing your wand, you don't have to go hide in the bathroom and pretend you're taking a long shit. That's gotta be so uncomfortable. Just do it out here at your leisure. I won't say anything no matter how often you do it.

Rollie: You mean you want me to masturbate?

Aunt K: You're gonna do it whether I want you to or not. You think your mom didn't know how much you masturbated back in that house. She always knew when you were doing it. When I was over there and we could hear your deep breathing through the air vent, she'd tell me, "He's jerking off now." She said it like it didn't mean any more to her than if you were drinking a can of soda. I mean every mother of a teenage son knows he does it often and she usually knows when.

Rollie: Jesus Aunt Kelly. That's way too much information.

Aunt K: All I mean to tell you is that masturbation is meant to be enjoyed. If I see you doing it, don't let that ruin the pleasure. It's a natural beautiful thing. Really it is. Don't let the assholes of the world convince you otherwise.

Rollie: You know something? You know what I think? I think you actually want to watch me do it.

Aunt K: Ok I'm busted. Yeah I am looking forward to seeing you touching your boner and the expression on your face when your little geyser pops off. I will savor the moment every time it happens. But it's just because I know you are in such ecstasy when it happens. That makes me happy. What brings you joy brings me joy too. I really want you to be happy here. And besides you think your eyes are gonna be closed every time I masturbate? I told you I'm not gonna change any of my habits for ...uhh ... hey dude! Hey! You still with me? Yeah, I see. Don't hold back. Just say it.

Rollie: Huh?

Aunt K: Your mind is in a rut there. I mean you've been staring at it since I dropped my skirt and you saw I'd been running around commando the whole day. Just say it.

Rollie: Say what?

Aunt K: You think I'm blind and stupid? You're staring right at it, eyes fixed and dilated. Just get it off your chest, boy. Just say, "Golly Aunt Kelly, you have a beautiful ****."

Rollie: But what about respecting you?

Aunt K: You'd respect me more if I didn't have one? It's a part of who I am. I know you respect who I am. Just say it.

Rollie: But like maybe I should call it a vagina instead.

Aunt K: Oh piffle! That's just a Latin euphemism because polite folks back in the middle ages were too squeamish to use the English word. What I've got between my thighs is called a ****. What you've got between yours is called a cock. They're just words. Now you know I've gone too far down this road for you to get away without saying it. You're gonna say it.

Rollie (muttering): Ok. Golly Aunt Kelly, you have a beautiful ****.

Aunt K: Oh ferchrissake. Again, this time loud with feeling. You can do it.

Rollie (clearly faking the inflections): Golly Aunt Kelly, you have a beautiful ****.

Aunt K: We'll have to work on that. Yes I have a beautiful ****. I know that. I had my legs and pubes lasered some years back, you know. Feel how soft and smooth my labes are.

Rollie: Oh no! I couldn't possibly do that.

Aunt K: Oh come on. I'm not gonna rape you. I'm celibate remember? It's no different than if you touched my cheek. Besides I can't possibly make your cock any harder than it already is.

Rollie: Please Auntie. You're making me so uncomfortable.

Aunt K: Just close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. There. Relax. Think about puppies or baseball or something. Relax your arm. Relax your hand. That's good. Now keep your eyes closed. Don't say anything. Don't fight me. I'm going to take your hand in mine. There. And I'm lifting it. And, stay relaxed -- nothing's gonna hurt you -- there -- just for a moment. You touched it. Was that so bad?

Rollie: I guess not.

Aunt K: You know what I think? I think you've never touched a **** before. You're a total virgin, aren't you.

Rollie: Ok I'm a virgin. I don't see what you mean by total. I mean either you're a virgin or you're not.

Aunt K: I mean that not only have you never fucked a girl, but you've never had a blow job, never licked a ****, never had a hand job, never put your hands under a girl's clothes, never even felt one up from outside her clothes, and never dry humped one. Hell you've never even been kissed either. Do I have all that right?

Rollie: Please stop. You're making me feel so worthless.

Aunt K: Oh don't cry. Please don't cry. You're anything but worthless. You're precious. You don't need to do any of those things ever to be worth something. You're better off if you don't.

Rollie: But I want to. I want to so bad. I'm just such a geek. The girls all think I'm gross. Why did I have to be born like this? Like the thing I want most I can't have because I'm such a spindly little shit. But I want to get laid so bad it hurts.

Aunt K: And you know what? When it finally happens it will be bad and it will hurt.

Rollie: I don't see how. And even so, I still want it.

Aunt K: Oh I know you want it. I didn't mean to bring on all those tears. Let me hug you. You'll feel better.

Rollie: But you're naked.

Aunt K: There there Rollie. Just lay your head on my breasts. It's all right. Let the tears fall on them. I'll just hold you in my arms. You'll feel so much better.

Sound: Rollie's muffled sobbing.

Aunt K: Now listen carefully. I know you want desperately to have sex with some female. It's like you can't stop thinking about it every hour of the day. I know that. But let me tell you, it's all negative if you do. It won't satisfy you. It's like scratching a mosquito bite. It still itches just as much after. But here's what will change. You will have allowed somebody who is not family, who doesn't give a flying fuck about you, to wheedle you, to take control of you, to make you small, to make you do things you'd never do otherwise, to give away your soul, and to bring you endless grief. Look what it did for your mother. And worst of all, it puts your heart in a place where it can be broken. I know you think it would be just heaven to feel your semen flooding into some girl's twat. But however much joy you think there is in that, it is nothing, not a crumb, compared to the pain of a broken heart. You wanted to know why I'm celibate. That's why. And I'd recommend it to anybody -- especially somebody I love as much as you. I don't ever want to see you hurt so bad. Give the mosquito bite time and it will stop itching. And let me tell you this also. And it's not just me who's observed this. It's universal, and much to everybody's surprise when they realize it. The orgasm you get from sex with a partner -- it's piddling compared to the ones you give yourself. Really and truly. That's why I want you to masturbate often and without a second thought, without the tiniest thread of guilt holding you back. I'll be there with you. I'll know it's a good thing. I'll be smiling inside and out. Nobody loves you the way you love yourself. Show yourself that love. Masturbate freely -- that's right -- this apartment is our free masturbation zone, any time and for any reason or for no reason at all. So do you feel a little better now?

Rollie: Yeah. A little.

Aunt K: And you think you've gotten over my being naked?

Rollie: Kinda I think.

Aunt K: But you still have a hard-on, don't you.

Rollie: Yeah, but it's ok. I'm not embarrassed by it with you anymore.

Aunt K: You can take your clothes off now if you like.

Rollie: Maybe a little later.

Aunt K: That's all right too. Now I want you to go over to that night-stand and open the bottom drawer. What do you see?

Rollie: It's like full of batteries.

Aunt K: Now open the top drawer.

Rollie: Holy shit! I've never seen so many sex toys.

Aunt K: See that blue one on the top. That's Mr. Fingly. He's my favorite. I love the wavy thing it does down that one side of the shaft. Down at the bottom of the drawer there's a rubber cuntie that I tried when I was experimenting with lesbian sex. Take it. And if in the weeks ahead you still feel all bent out of shape without a real girl to fuck, I'll buy you one of those thousand dollar dolls who will love you madly and never break your heart.

Rollie: Yeah I think I might like that. But I feel so much better right now. You know I think I can wait until Christmas for that doll. It'll be plenty fine living here with you even without the doll.

Aunt K: So do you have any questions?

Rollie: Yeah two.

Aunt K: Shoot.

Rollie: You think you would consider bathing me again like when I was little -- I mean with you in the tub with me?

Aunt K: Thought you'd never ask.

Rollie: And it would be ok if I jerked off while we did that wouldn't it.

Aunt K: Of course. Is that your second question?

Rollie: No. This is. Remember you said no violent pornography. I think you mean like the kind where some asshole guys beat up a girl and rape her. I don't like that either. But what about the kind where a woman slaps the guy around? Is it ok for me to watch that?

Aunt K: I think we're gonna get along just fine.