Well I personally am going to wait to have kids unless I can afford something other than ramen noodles and mac&cheese for them every night. I wouldn't bring a child in the world if I wasn't prepared to give it the best opportunities in life. When they can take whatever music/dance/sports lessons they like, the education they want fromt he schools they want, and have a stable home to grow up in. Community is good for children, but they also need stability. Being moved from place to place, friends home to friends home while growing up would not be good for a child. Having parents that are at work more than at home isn't ether. It isn't about being materialistic, it is about being a stable, providing parent in today's society. And I know that as a parent circumstances change (job loss, injury, etc...). You may not be able to give your child everything he wants, and you can't predict the future. But to me that doesn't mean you shouldn't be smart about family planning. My husband and I already have a "baby of the future" piggy bank where everyone drops their change. We've got hundreds of dollars in there that we are going to buy savings bonds (for college) with once we have a kid. Of course, I'm an obsessive planner (we already have lots of money set away in retirement accounts too), I obsessivly plan ahead, so that just might be a little crazy and not the norm, but we are planning to have a baby in about 3 years and I'll be damned if I'm not going to do my best for it.
Amen, sister. Sometimes children surprise us by arriving earlier than we planned. But, making a good, healthy, educational, nutritious enviroment for those children is best for their well being. I WISH you could raise a child on "nothing" but thinking one can do so is dangerously naive.
I don't want biological children for sure, but if i ever do change my mind about having children at all i'm going to adopt. Reasons - Overpopulation mostly and their our evough children without homes...
How interesting that this discussion has now encompassed how to raise your kids, feed them, clothe them and educate them. I won't touch that kettle of fish but I'll say a word about family size Family planning is certainly great and wonderful, whether it include the rhythm method, condoms, pills, inserts or the opposite of optimum positions, hormones, and ovulation meters. The bottom line, however, is reality where planning and luck, fate, whatever mix. I had planned to only have one child and that plan was working well for a while, but condoms were not enough of a deterrent to fate, or maybe we had just had sex during my ovulation times 250 times which if they're 96% effective that would mean one baby. My planning was not all that hot 3 - 4 years ago, but we were also married so I was at least in theory willing to accept the consequences, and then when theory met reality and #2 came along I have reaped the rewards, and met the challenges of those consequences. I also upped the % of the birth control and try not to have sex, in an approximate way, around the time of ovulation. So in theory I have a 1 in 10000 chance of adding another child to the family, and I can live with those odds and still wrestle under the sheets without worries. I don't think you can talk about how many children you are going to have without talking about God. I have faith in a Heavenly Father who appoints children to parents in concert with their wishes, but not always of the same opinion. Therefore, I must have been meant to have 2 kids. I don't blame #2 on the condom, but rather on both the condom and God (blame not the right word.) Having faith in this strengthens my feelings for this family of mine, and takes some of the stress out of worrying how many kids I want. What I want really isn't the only issue. How many kids you have is contigent on, in my mind 4 things in this order (totally an opinion) 1. what potential mom wants 2. biology 3. Fate, luck, what Heavenly Father wants 4. what others want (dad, gparents, child #1 etc.) Thanks for the enlightening question! I had fun responding. Becca
Okay, fine... I just know what I've seen around me and that is that it's all worked out quite well... but as I said I will absolutely have no kids of my own for other reasons, so no I haven't looked into every detail of this or thoroughly planned or anything.
That's why you such a difference of ideas with those of us who DO have children, feed them, clothe them and actually HAVE thouroghly planned everything........Which was my first point. Nuff said.
And... I have raised my children, below the poverty level, for more than one year. I know what it's like to be a parent that cannot afford Christmas presents, new clothes, used clothes, decent food, transportation, medical care, etc. I've been there. I was there. For several years. When you care, you don't want your kids to be running around in shoes that the snow gets right into, or that are too small and hurt their feet (because 9 bucks for a cheap pair of shoes is rough to manage). You don't want to see them pale from malnutrition, or watch them walk to school wearing dirty clothes, or wearing coats that don't zip. They get teased at school because their clothes don't fit, or because they don't have cool shoes. No, my kids never did starve, but I did. On more than one occasion I would go to bed hungry, so that they would have something to eat (those packages of ramen noodles). I've been both a welfare mom and a working mom... Trust me, having money to be able to properly provide for your children feels a lot better than not being able to. A LOT better. Sure... It's life... But poverty is a sucky way to live.
i can definitely relate to this, but from the 'childs' perspective... my mumma raised my brother and i on her own, below the poverty level from when i was in 1st grade to about 7th grade. i remember coming home from school in 3rd or 4th grade one winter, and the power had been cut off (my mom was real late on the bill). she was ridiculously sick and couldn't afford to pay the bill AND see a doc. i went with her to pay the bill, and the memory is very surreal in my mind. it was late at night, and snowing pretty hard. she pulled up next to the night payment box, dropped the bill in the slot, and then opened her door and vomited violently. she was throwing up, and crying, and trying to hide it from me all at the same time... but i was a smart kid, and knew what was up. anyway, the point is that i have so much respect for her, and i see so much strength in her. even back in 3rd or 4th grade, i knew that she was one impressive lady. she's worked so hard, and sacrificed so much. yeah, it was a sucky way to live, but i had so much respect for her, and it only grows... and that's a lot more than a lot of kids can say about their moms growing up. i know there were a lot of things i didn't know about... like you said, times she wouldnt eat so my brother and i could. but it's just amazing how stong she is. my guess is that your kids have a similar opinion of you. hopefully, anyway.
from a man's perspective, its hard to be a nice morally upstanding person andhave a job where you will have enough money to support a woman and several kids. usually to get a good high-paying job, you have to compromise youre integrety so often that it changes you as a person and you cannot be a good husband or father anymore. im a great guy, but i cant imagine payin two car payments, a house payment, all the insurances and groceries and extras and staying out of debt at the same time all on my own, unless i sold out to the cut-throat thieving system.
I would like about 2 or 3 children. I might change my mind after going through labour the first time though. lol Not yet of course! I am far too young.
The funny thing about labor pain.... You forget it. I mean, I remembering it being the worst pain I have ever been in. But, I have forgotten the exact extent to which it went....
hi there i have 3 children and i have 2 hands.....haha but to be honest one to one for children is wonderful and full on learning so a larger family means less time for each child... then again in this world of class divide people tended to have larger familes to work...... so end class divide and have the choice to choose what kind of family you may like...... but again....children love having attention.so whos to say.... it a world of capitalists unfairness...... chidren are in fact our future adults and should be living in a war free world... not this place of untruths so ....time to change the system.. love n peace from saff
So a lot of people have made some interesting points, and I'm going to try hard to not merely repeat what was said by others. I think people need to plan seriously about children...getting by on love or god really won't do it, I don't think. I know that sometimes kids happen that haven't planned on, and hopefully people in that position do what they can to grow up very quickly and provide for their child as much as humanly possible, because it's their responsibility. School and food and such cost an awful lot... how responsible is it to have a whole whack of kids if you can't really afford it? Would you rather do really well with one or two children, or "barely get by" with five or six? All I'm trying to say is that I hope people make wise choices when they have children - that they look beyond that "oooh, babies are SO cute" and see the "woah, babies are SO expensive....."
maybe some people think kids are icky pains in the ass, no matter how much you love them. or maybe people don't want what is currently important in their life wo be replaced my something completely permanent. maybe people don't want to pollute the gene pool, or maybe they just don't want to add to the population. i personally can't forsee wanting children because they are SO permanent and because i love my animals and don't want to push them to the side for another being that i could possibly love more. it's not fair. i know i couldn't balance both, and i know i won't hate animals when i'm in my twenties or thirties. if there's room in my life for a kid and things are looking okay for the fate of the world as we know it, sure, i'll have one, but otherwise forget it.
that's a psychophysiological phenomenon present in all situations of intense pain. brains are programmed to never truly be able to recapture moments of overwhelming pain. it can rate the pain and compare it to other situations, but vivid memories of pain are not storeable.
