Casual Sex after a long term relationship?

Hi All

I am new to the forums and looking for some advice and opinions.

A bit of background of my situation is two months ago my partner of 9 years decided to throw in the towel and left me completely heart broken. Resulted in me loosing my home having to relocate and leaving my job, I have picked my self up starting a new job next week and started to loose weight and feel good about my self, I don`t feel anything for him any more as he has done some horrible things since the end of the relationship and i am starting to think i resent him and not want to speak with him.

Don`t get me wrong a long term relationship is hard work, we lost our sexual chemistry along time ago i am very open in the bedroom to new ideas and introducing toys and games. He on the other hand was lazy and sex always felt one sided i spent a small fortune on sex toys and games to spice things up and he made me feel bad for doing that Lack of attention physically and emotionally turned the relationship sour, after a long day at work his routine was to come in and play games on his PC with friends _ and i would spend most evenings alone. I have never felt the need to cheat and i would never do that to anyone. But since i have split with him i crave sex without the emotional attachment i have a very high sex drive and because i have had the lack of sex the past year or so i want it more than ever now!

There is a guy i have been speaking to i have known him a while but only to speak to, he kind of supported me through my heartache and wanted to be there as a friend, most recently i have started to like him and he sent me a few pics of himself (pics you don`t share lol) i have been very open with him and explained i DO NOT want a relationship but all we want to do is rip each others clothes off, We have shared all our fantasies together what we like and don`t like in the bedroom he is like a male version of me and i think sex would be fun of course i would be 100% safe i`m 33 years old with no children so no other commitments but work.

My main question is.. How do i handle this as i have never had just a casual sex partner before what do i do if he gets feelings? I know i don`t want a relationship just yet but i cant resist what he has to offer (HE IS VERY WELL ENDOWED) 5 inches more than my EX! i am in a dilemma lol Please ladies any advise?? Should i just do it!!

Thanks x x

 

ok...easy peasy.....generally the way this is done is you bring it up shortly before it looks like sex is gonna happen....or can happen.....you just tell buddy you like him in a sexual and casual way so if y'all go forward he needs to know there wont be any dinners to meet your family....at best he can be a plus one at a wedding...

 

He is not located near me so we would be meeting halfway, No meeting of friends and family lol but he has said he has spoken about me to his friends at work. :/

 

After all you've been through and the level of effort you've put in to make this happen, don't get cold feet now. Enjoy the mystery moments while you can because after awhile they'll be gone as you evolve sexually in this relationship and it starts to become predictable.

 

"he kinda supported me through my heartache and wanted to be there as a friend".

He is not a casual romp in the hay. He is already a close friend of yours. This is not going to be a "sex only" relationship, because it already isn't one.

What do you do if he gets feelings for you? He already has feelings for you.

The two of you may not be a the "lets have 98 grandchildren together" stage, but you are already past the point where "causal, sex only, no feelings" is possible.

(P.S. I'm not advising against sex. Fucking each other's brains out should be friendly. And he's already a good friend. But you have to decide what you want to do with the exiting feelings, not how to prevent feelings.)

 

she's been saying all along she doesn't want a relationship so i think she is safe if she keeps it fun and avoids any serious talks....joking about not wanting a boyfriend is way better than making the dude cry in the elevator on the way up too the room lol

ive ''been there'' for lots of women i ended up banging....that's a Seinfeld episode and well known ploy to get in a girls pants


as a matter of fact...to the op...if you want to talk about this privately you can pm me



lol...see how easy that is

 

He offerered advice through my breakup i had no intentions to originally to sleep with this guy. Its just as time has gone by i find him sexually irresistible and my desire to sleep with him is getting stronger, my head and my heart does not want a relationship it is far to soon and i am only just getting control of my life again and my independence! He is 100% aware of how i feel i have been completely honest with him i dont want a label with the relationship we have. Just 2 adults having consensual sex and having fun safely of course, thats not wrong isit? Xx

 

I don't really get it. Seems like unnecessary complications. Only thing I got is if a guy starts talking you through a break up and sends you dick pics, there's only one agenda there, he's a creeper so you're pretty much already safe in the areas of not having a relationship, because he just wants sex.

 

Well i hope it is only sex he wants lol he said it is.

But what my original question was is that i have never been in this situation how do you handle casual relationships ?? Like what shouldn’t i say to him as i dont want any one to get to attached.
What to say and what not to say! Keep the conversations just sexual?

Just some advice really from any one that has experienced the same thing? X

 

Don't say I love you, though hopefully that would be self explanatory.
You don't have to keep the conversation just sexual, talk with him as you would with any other friend, and then have sex occasionally

 

Ohh no I would never say that word without meaning it.

 

My best advice is to just make sure you are both clear about it only being a casual thing and stay friends with fun bennefits

 

Yes defiantly all i have ever done is be clear and to the point he is a nice guy but romantically not for me but because he wants the same sexual things as me we could be compatible in the bedroom

 

That I 100% agree on

 

Respectfully, My wife and I understand the old saying “Everybody needs somebody”. That said, We have no problem with you having a FWB. But, you better make it clear you will have future dates and other bed partners. You have freedoms that you have not had in a long time. Take advantage of it.
I think you should open the playing field to others. In other words date around. You need time to see where you are going emotionally. Don’t rebound with him. Cool it and be real casual.
Stop pulling you or him into trouble later.
Be friends, play, have sex and be clear with your current intentions.
Good luck

 

Thank you all for the advice. I have had a very very boring sex life for 9 years and i am excited for some fun with no strings. Great forum and i will be sticking around x

 

Holy horse crap you must be horny...I know I'd be

 

Just remember the old saying..."When your not looking love it's gonna find you." Put yourself out there. Surprises happen all the time. Hopefully no bad surprises.

 

Oh god yes!!

 

well i believe in fate

 

At 33, yes. Make sure he has no STD’s , but have fun. Your sexuality is starting its way down. If you want kids, have them soon!