carry on a conversation using only movie quotes...

You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.

 

You know, I'm just a regular guy who grew up with the posters of these guys on my wall... and now I'm one of them! That's right, I'm (sinking) here, living proof that if you work hard enough, and you want it bad enough... dreams do come true. So follow your dreams...

 

If you're happy and you know it then you really ought to show it. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

 

^They should have a disclaimer that says "Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery While Watching Crummyrummy". Incredible. This guy used to put me to sleep when I was a kid. Amazing. He has the warmth of a snow pea. He makes Mister Rogers look like Mick Jagger.

 

Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!

 

So unless we intend to do this job in Reno, we're in barney...Barney Rubble... Trouble!

 

Say no more, Gov'ner. You've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone... Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve... And all too soon they've up and grown, and then they've flown... And it's too late for you to give - just that spoonful of sugar to 'elp the medicine go down - medicine go down - medicine go down. Well, so long, Gov'ner. Sorry to have troubled you.

 

Your pipe is troubling....your beard is troubling...but if I lose control of this company it will be catastrophic!!

 

You all take a good look at this NOOB. Remember what it looks like. You fuck up in a firefight... and I goddamn guarantee you a trip out of the bush - in a body bag! Out here, assholes, you keep your shit wired tight at all times! And that goes for you, shit-for-brains. You don't sleep on no fuckin' ambush! And the next sum'bitch I catch coppin Z's in the bush, I'm personally gonna take an interest in seein' him suffer. I shit you not. Doc, tag him and bag him!

 

What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.

 

There ain't no point, I'm simply trying to illuminate the terrain in which we currently find ourselves deployed. You don't mind that, do you? And if you do, FUCK YOU! You on my frequency?

 

Do you know what the taxes are on 5 million dollars? 6 million dollars.

 

Thirteen million and you drive this piece of shit cross country to pick me up?

 

Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.

 

There are five basic components... This is it, pay attention.
...to the new General Electric refrigerator: one, the freon compressor, two, the freon tube...

 

You got nuts the size of watermelons.

 

Ok, fat jokes! You wanna do fat jokes?

Your mother's so fat, the bitch needs Thomas Guide to find her asshole!
Alright! Wait, wait, wait, your mother's so fat, after sex I roll over twice, and I'm still on the bitch!

Your mother is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Reggie's mother's so fat, that the bitch gets her toenails painted at

Earl Scheib! At Earl Scheib!

 

You can sew up your stomach and your asshole and you will always be fat.

 

But I need this pig! He’s my lucky pig, my good-luck pig; without him, I’m dead! Deceased! Lifeless! Extinct! A demised duck..

 

My character... he realizes that the apocalyptic crime rate is because of global deceleration. The rotation of the earth is slowing down at a rate of point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero six miles per hour each day disrupting the chemical equilibrium in the human brain causing very irrational criminal behavior.