Discussion in 'Poetry' started by shunky_magic, May 24, 2004.

  1. shunky_magic

    shunky_magic Member

    Likes Received:
    Here are 2 extracts from my piece of writing, "Carnelian". For copyright reasons I cannot publish the entire work online, but I may be able to send it to you for a small fee (covering printing & postage and living). Send me a private message if you're interested. Can't see why you would be though.


    The time has come now
    to not only observe

    but to become a part of the cycle

    A Dark Landscape.

    Part I - From the Skies.

    A storm surged over the blackened oceans, the wind forcing the colourless waves to crash violently into the rocks, from which stone and sand broke away, forming mounds of rubble, only to be swept back into the powerful waters to join layer upon layer of foundation for the Earth. A dark sky, heavy black clouds building up and looming over the shadowless figures below. The only light to be seen was the bright white flash of lightning, creating a split second of illumination, before all fell back into the sorrowful gloom. Rain and hail battered the land, sending wood and metal alike spinning, falling into the dark oblivion below. The creatures of the countries were not saved. People, animals, birds, insects, all swept into the chaos. The onslaught of elements beckoned to the world, and the world unwillingly followed. The eye of fantastic light opened once again, but, before anything had the chance to see the damage, it had closed. Fire leapt up from the remaining trees and undistorted natural faces, and cast a strange red glow over the rising seas and destroyed land. The terrible flames crept over the mass, and soon all but the water was covered in this smoking, burning destruction. The sea continued to thrash against the once-sturdy rock faces, knocking huge natural sculptures into the burning power. Then, a huge crash sounded, halting the wildly fought battle, and all was still. A silence followed, and the clouds slowly parted, unveiling a light so much brighter than what had been, and heating the air so much more than the icy cold weather of the storms. Nothing moved. The flames died down, and the smoke thinned to nothingness. Then the fearful visions of hopeless defeat remained. The light blazed down, and then, settling, showed the damage. There was nothing. As far as there was land, there was nothing. No life, no growth. It was as if the land itself had been slaughtered in a terrible war. It’s remains lay here, empty and without sound or movement. A senseless, defeated shell. Just a body, an abandoned body of a soldier who had fought his last battle. No existence. The inhabitants of the land had been taken. Swept away in a power so strong it was inhuman. Some swept away to nowhere, others to a place so dark that the soul became blind to it’s surroundings. A few went to stay forever in a place which had been held high for only their reach. All were reviewing how they had lived. All had been judged. This was the end, yet only the beginning. He was making everything new. The old Earth and the old Heaven had been washed away, replaced by new creations of the same names. All was ready. Ready for the world to begin again.



    face in the mirror

    changing twisting
    when I look
    messages from someone

    fear out of my mind
    trying to scream

    moving morphing
    I can’t see
    who I used to be
    let me hide

    from today and
    from tomorrow

    (c) Luke Roberts 2004, All Rights Reserved.​


    It would be extremely kind if you could give me some feedback - y'know, let me know what you think.​

    Thankyou for reading that.​



  2. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

    Likes Received:
    why has nobody replied to this thread? that is just rudeness!

    The 1st extract is just MAHOOSIVE! not in the stupid casual comment way either, it's elemental tone and contrasted.....contrasts...erm...well can't explain it really but it moves MOOOOVVVEEESSS.

    'face' feels like someone trapped because of the cut back way in which you've written it. sounds like lyrics to me. it's great. Wish i could find something negative to say about both but am befuddled for what that thing could be.....
  3. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

    Likes Received:
  4. Jaz Delorean

    Jaz Delorean Senior Member

    Likes Received:
    hehe , nice one trenn dude

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice