I had a nice conversation with my bf yesterday, and he came up with something that I had never thought about. I was saying that when I really care about someone, I can actually feel bad for them, especially if they tell me some bad thing that happened to them in the past. Likewise, if they told me they did something very wrong in the past, I can easily come up with a "why did you..." or "how could you..." He said that being empathetic is a good trait, not everyone has it, but I should restrain it when it borders with being judgmental. Asking "how could you..." about a person's past (which cannot be changed anyway) doesn't do any good, neither to me, nor to this person. I was quite stricken, never seen it from this perspective, and I think he's right. What's your opinion?
I agree with him. Especially since, you might not realize it, but you're not simply being empathetic, but controlling. Sounds like you would 'help' him, when he doesn't ask for help. Give him unasked-for advice, etc. In other words, cross the line into his personal space.
I totally agree. And mind you, I'm not talking exclusively about him, but loved ones in general (friends, family).
