Can't Sync Sex Drives W/ Husband

My husband and I have known each other for about 1.5 years now. We just got married 3 months ago and I get frusterated that we don't seem to sync up our sex drives.

It seems like now we only ever want to have sex like 2 nights of the week and it's unlikely that we end up wanting it on the same nights. So, we just don't.

Does anyone know how we can get on eachother's schedule? I'm 25 and he's 26, we're to young to only bone once a week!

 

this is why you don't jump into marriage with someone you just met. no twenty-something should only want sex twice a week, obviously you two aren't that into each other.

 

Not getting married works even better

 

You need to figure out why you aren't have sex... too tired, bored, schedules, etc... how was your sex life before you got married?

Once you get those figured out, brainstorm together with ideas of things that might jazz up your desires for each other.. If you are waiting until you jump into bed and expect you both to instantly turned on, then it's no wonder you are not getting anywhere....

You two need to talk about fantasies and find a couple to re-create. You need to watch some porn. Look at pictures. Read erotica.. even together. Sext each other all day. Have phone sex. Try toys. And costumes... Get kinky! Drumminmama was right... schedule time for sex just like you would to go to the gym. That doesn't mean you have to only have sex then, but at least it's a start.

And you're right, you're too young to be in this trap already. If you don't make changes, it's only going to get worse. Sex like anything else takes thought and work. Put some effort into it.

 

If your sex life is already having difficulties, yikes! Sorry, but after such a short time being married, it isn't a good sign that you are already having issues in the bedroom. I agree with Drummin and Annwyn. Figure out if anything outside of the bedroom is causing discourse inside the bedroom (stress, fatigue, etc. can be a serious mood killers). If you are too busy for sex, then make time for it by scheduling it. It may not be romantic, but sometimes all a lagging sex life needs is a little reminder to actually have sex. Like anything else in life that is important, you have to make it a priority. When he asks you for sex, and you really aren't in the mood, try saying yes once in a while (and vice versa). Make it a fun game! See if you can talk him out of watching his favorite television show by doing a strip tease, or some other sexual act, to get his attention. Have him talk you out of watching your favorite show by rubbing your back, and luring you to a hot waiting bubble bath. Whatever works for both of you. (Those are just examples since you did not provide much detail)

You could also pick nights that one of you gets to decide what happens from start to finish. (This is where is really helps to know your partner, so that you will both enjoy the sex and not be asked to do things you really aren't into. If he isn't overly romantic, don't turn your night into a cheesy romance sex scene....and if you aren't really into a specific sex act (ie: anal. oral, certain positions, ect.) then he needs to not make his nights into a porn scene. And so on....) Spoiling a partner on your night is also a great way to show them that you are interested in their satisfaction, as well as your own.

IT will take both of you making concessions, compromises, and working on it to improve your current situation. If only one of you puts in the effort, compromises, creativity and so on, it is only a matter of time before the resentment kicks in. Start working on creating the sex life that you both want now, because over time saying no, and putting off sex, will become a hard habit to break. Good luck!

 

op...what people are saying here is that this marriage is now doomed to fail just like all the other marriages where people think it will be better after they get the ring

release the poor fucker before both your lives are over

 

A lot of it has to do with how we've started working late a lot of nights. We get home and one or both of us wants to go to bed, as in actually sleep.

We boned last night, which was good, but I'll try to take your suggestion about scheduling some time for it. We used to go to bed together early and we had time because we were not instantly tired.

 

make all the excuses you want....many many people fuck like rabbits on opposite or late nite schedules......i'm 55....I think ive been too tired for sex after working all nite about zero times.....nothing better than letting someone have their way with you and then drifting off to sleep.........the being too tired is an excuse that you use to avoid letting your hubby touch you....neither of you has a normal sex drive.sorry hon.but good luck

 

Either you need to confront him, or, you're just not that into each other. Why are you married, anyway?

Or maybe you should both seriously cut back on porn and lay off the cheating.

 

Find out what turns him on, tell him what turns you on...when one wants sex but the other doesn't, there are things that can be done to turn the other done...it doesn't mean sex will absolutely happen, but if you're both caring about each other's needs and you have a real discussion about the fact that this is a problem that needs to be solved, you both should compromise when you don't want to and accept that the other person is in need...if you feel receptive to the things that turn you on, more than likely you'll get into the mood and if you can't get into the mood, even when your partner does things that usually get you in the mood...perhaps there are far deeper problems in need of professional help.

 

Have you tried to change the time of your encounters from just before sleep to just after sleep or after lunch on your day's off or some time when you know that you will both be rested?

 

Yeah, we're getting a little better at it. I think we're going to bed expecting sparks to fly, but we don't really do anything before we go to bed to make that happen.

 

Taylor, if you are tired and out of sync sexually to begin with, it's going to be harder. But not impossible. You both need to sit down and TALK first.. away from the bedroom and fully clothed. What do you each want out of the marriage? Is a healthy sex life part of the equation? What are you each willing to do to make both of those things happen?

Good marriages and good sex don't just happen... they both take time, effort and heart. You can't just happily ever after and expect it to be that way. If you are tired now, what will happen if you decide to have children. Take my word for it, children don't just make marriage and sex a little harder... it's a lot harder.

You need to make a list, a notebook, something with ideas to try... Variety helps a whole lot.

Here is one to try....

On a Saturday when you both are home... schedule nothing else.. no lunch dates, no errands, no visits, no company...

This day is devoted to just the two of you... Plan a nice lunch and dinner menu...

First thing in the morning... get naked. And stay naked all day. But here is the trick. You are not allowed to touch each other... At all.

You can look, you can touch yourselves, and you are encouraged to talk about each other in the dirtiest, raunchiest ways you can think of...
Find things around the house that needs to be done... cleaning, organizing... things that are safe while nude.

Prepare a nice lunch and if you have a secluded area, eat outside in the nude.... Pay attention to all of your senses... how the food smells and tastes, how you each smell, how you each look, the texture of your food and the texture of your skin, how each other's voice sounds...

After lunch you continue with your chores around the house... but now you can touch each other briefly... but just hands and face... hold his hand, stroke the cheek on her face... But that's all. Describe your fantasies to each other.. Tantalize each other as you work... imagine him watching you as you're bent over the toilet scrubbing it..

Getting close to dinner time... you each should be getting pretty hot for one another by now. If not... you need to work a little more at this.. more dirty talk, more touching yourself...

After all that cleaning, each of you take a shower while the other one watches. Make sure you concentrate on the areas of your body that you really, really want the other one to touch....

Do not dress... now prepare your dinner together, and eat while still naked. After dinner, you are each other's dessert.

Move to the part of your house that you are most comfortable.. a bed is the most logical place, but it doesn't have to be your bedroom.. perhaps you have a guest room bed you need to try out. Or a fur rug in front of a fireplace.. or on top of the dining room table... or all of the above. Use your imagination.

Now, you are allowed to touch each other everywhere... except for the genitals.. no touching cock, pussy, ass or tits with your hands or mouth... but you can use your hands and mouth everywhere else. Can you do this? A lot of people can't or only last 10 minutes and say 'fuck it'.... see if you can last an hour. It's a form of orgasm denial for both parties and an interesting thing happens when you deny what you want most... when you finally cum the orgasms are even more explosive.

Okay, did you last an hour? Good! Now you can touch everywhere with everything. Spend the next hour, if you can, just exploring each other's bodies as if it was the first time you ever see it and ever had sex. Every single nook and cranny.... note how you each react when touched this way or stroked that way.

After an hour of this you should be so hot and horny for each other, you'd kill anyone who came (no, not that kind) in between the two of you. Now is the time to finally go for it...

Fuck and cum over and over and over again.

This is an exercise that can be done as often as you want or need... maybe once a month.

Now start making a Sex Bucket List of things you can do to make you sex life the best it can be. Sex is like anything else.. it takes education, planning and practice. No one is born knowing what to do.

 

When we're just dating, there is always some build up before we actually go for sex. You prepare yourself to go out, you think of what you're going to wear, whatever, the fact being you'll do something out of your routine that's not the actual sex act, but just breaking your routine.

When we're married, there's nothing separating the day-to-day thing from the moment we go for sex. We both see each other everyday, we're both comfy, home. There is nothing different of the ordinary on the days we have sex. It isn't as if we were dating and going out to meet each other.

A solution would be to find a way to have that same build up as "daters" when you're actually married. Break the routine on days we're having sex. It could be by dressing special, it could be by listening to some music, instead of watching TV, it could be dining at a different table... something different. Like dating, but with your husband, in your house.

You know, after sex, you think that "gosh, that's so fantastic, how come we aren't doing it more times?" The thing isn't the sex itself. It is getting started. Getting motivated. Getting in the mood.

I think the getting in the mood is specially tricky for women, but perhaps it's just the same for men and it's just that, not being a man, I don't know.

I've had a very boring and downright disappointing sex life with my husband for a long time. Now, at the moment, sex is very good. But there is still the problem of getting in the mood. I found that breaking the routine well before we're actually going for sex solves that problem. I mean that, before you actually stop whatever it is you're doing and just have sex, breaking the routine is important.

How do we do that? I think what works for our couple isn't necessarily what will work for other couples. You have to find something that works for you. Talk about it with your partner, about the differences from the time you were dating and now. The build up thing I've talked about. See if he thinks it could be it.

If that's so, discuss with him attitudes you could both incorporate in your life to break the routine. In my opinion, it shouldn't be something too complicated, because if it is, you won't do it long term. It should be simple things.

So, by breaking the routine, you'll be tricking your body to get into the mood.

 

The key to your post was this.. "getting ready"....

And there are so many ways to do that. It's the process of thinking of what is going to happen and how it might happen.

 

The operative word being husband

 

I don't know, Vanilla Gorilla. Honestly? I think the problem is that I should get an orgasm after two ins and outs of a penis in my vagina. Unfortunately, I don't. I need more than that to be sexually satisfied and that's perhaps too much hard work to ask of a man. So many men can cum after 1 min of pumping his penis into something. Why should they be motivated to put some work on sex? I've been born with the shittiest chromosome combination, that's all.

 

I don't think there are any women who orgasm that fast and men who orgasm that fast, I don't think there are that many...sounds like you need to find men who are more inclined to go slower, they're not that hard to find.