Can you tolerate being in a relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Narcolepsy, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. Narcolepsy

    Narcolepsy Member

    where there is no sex or sexual activity?

    I'm 18 and a very sexual girl. I think about sex all the time, masturbate almost daily, love talking about it freely, etc. I've had sex with 3 people: 2 long term relationships and one cruise fling. I'm quite experienced in all areas of sex and can get pretty kinky.

    Now...I'm dating a boy who is about to turn 17 in less than a month. He's so sweet, attractive, caring, blah blah blah. I'm the first girl he's ever dated and kissed and everything. We've been dating for a month and a half and all we've done is kiss. It gets pretty hot sometimes...we're on top of each other, hands up shirts, kissing on the neck, moaning, etc. But being my sexual self, I wanted to move forward and was getting very annoyed with not doing anything. So the other night I just took my shirt off, bra on. He then took his shirt off and we did our usual.

    I really liked it and kinda hoped this means he knows I wanna move forward and it could get that started, but yesterday he told me it made him uncomfortable! He said it was too soon and he wasn't ready and he wanted to wait and etc. UGH.

    Also whenever I talk about sexual stuff like masturbating or being horny, he doesn't really react. I know he's attracted to me because he always tells me I'm beautiful and such. The night I took my shirt off, he said I was really hot so I doubt he's gay or anything but WOW.

    I'm also going away to college in the fall and he's younger so he'll only be a senior. I don't think I can do a long distance relationship anyway so we probably won't stay together when I go away, but would YOU be able to be in a relationship with a really nice sweet guy that you like and likes you if he was going to take a long time to do anything but kiss?
  2. lunarflowermaiden

    lunarflowermaiden Senior Member

    Well, where is the relationship going? Do you love him and/or do you plan on staying with him for the long-run? From your comment that you cannot do a long distance relationship, I am assuming the answer to both of those questions is no. If that really is the case, then I say break it off now. Stringing him along would be pointless to you both. I asked both of those questions because what I am about to say next depends on the answer.

    If you love someone, you will wait forever for them--period. Sex is important to a lot of people, but it also is different to everyone. Some people find sex an easy, free, and casual activity; others need more mental and emotional involvement to even get interested in it. So, the answer to your question is if I loved them, I most definitely could. If I didn't love them, I wouldn't have an interest in sex with them anyway, so the answer remains yes.

    Your boyfriend sounds like he is young, inexperienced, and unsure of himself. He also sounds like he is not mentally/emotionally ready to take that step just yet. I have a good feeling he is reluctant to answer your comments because he has no idea what to say or what action to take, but not because he is disinterested in you. He may feel pressured (I am not saying you are pressuring him to do anything) because he's thinking to himself ok, the ball is in my court now, but what do I do? Being unsure of how to please someone and not wanting to mess up can be a scary feeling.

    Another perspective to look at this is that he is a young male having less experience than an older female (even though you two are around the same age). I am sure this would probably make any guy feel pressured to be "better" or at least as good as the other guys. The feeling is like not knowing something everyone else knows. You don't know what to say or do because you haven't been let in on "what happens."

    I suggest thinking about where you're going before you do anything. If you aren't serious about him, just tell him that and break it off now. If you want to give it a chance, then maybe you could take a step back and wait for him to catch up. Tell him you'll wait for him and make him feel as least pressured as possible. Make him feel better about himself by giving him a lot of encouragement when he does something that turns you on or does something right. A little bit of encouragement will probably go a long way with him and make him feel more confident in taking further steps. I hope this helps.
  3. Narcolepsy

    Narcolepsy Member

    Wow thank you, that was very helpful. For me, sex is definitely meaningful but I can divide it into the "in-love sex" and "just fucking" categories. I was definitely in love with the guy I lost my virginity to. The second boyfriend I had I thought I liked, but he turned out to be a lying asshole. I did have feelings for him, though. And the sex was good. In between, I had that fling which was really fun. I think sex can be anything you make it out to be, so I'd have sex with someone I didn't love as long as the feeling was mutual.

    I just talked to him again and he's definitely attracted to me but said he just doesn't feel ready. I do care about him but I don't know if I could wait forever, per se. I don't really know if we plan on staying together when I go to college. We've both sort of avoided the topic. Right now, I'm willing to wait for him but I made it clear to him that it's really hard for me and it's definitely a sacrifice on my part since my sexuality is a huge part of who I am.

    I didn't even expect sex for a long time, but I was taken aback by the fact that he wasn't even ok with us taking our shirts off. I've never been in this position anymore.

    I do like him a lot. I'm definitely not in love with him yet (and I don't know if I'll ever be) but I care about him very much. I'll try my best to be in this relationship but it might be too much for me.
  4. NO! Sex is very important! It's not shallow, it brings you closer to your partner

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