Can You Have Both?

I've had a love that was my best friend. We shared everything together and always had a good time together. We had many mutual friends and shared a ton of interests. He was a wonderful man. But the sex had no passion. It was good, but not great. Something was always missing.

Then I've had the opposite. I've had a hot, passionate love. We couldn't keep our hands and mouths off of each other. There was never a dull moment and we couldn't be physical enough. But we didn't share things. Not anything deep at least.

So I guess my question is, can you have both? Can you deeply love someone and be their best friend and share that closeness all the while having hot passionate sex??

Has anyone ever been lucky enough to have this? Or should I lower my standards? Lol

 

I think it is possible to have both. I have had both but an incident involving jealousy on his part and stubbornness on my part in not giving up what caused the jealousy ended the relationship.

I'm in a sex is all we have in common relationship now and am aware it's heading towards a fade out and that's fine, I had no expectations of it every going anywhere else.

In my opinion, the relationships that are based on lust and passion alone will fizz out if ever the physical aspect lessens or fades because there is no other common interests.

A relationship that has everything going for it but lacks passion can, with time together or a little mutual effort, become passionate.

 

Yes.

 

Yes, it's possible to have both.

Intimate, intellectual, and philosophical compatibility are essential for long term relationships.

Opposites might attract, but the same stay together.

 

BTW, never lower your standards. There will come a time where you'll confront regret. That will be the time that you'll figure out a way out of a relationship.

 

On a similar but related note, how about falling in love with a close friend who's also a fuck buddy, but while being already married (and still in love with your spouse?) This happened to my wife and our close friend during the six months that we had a very intense (and frequent) threesome going on. it ultimately broke up, mainly because of my jealousy. In retrospect, I think that if my wife and I had talked more (frequently and openly) about what was happening, everything could have been smoothed out and the threesome could have continued for a very long time.

(My wife thinks so also. Although the threesome took place over 30 years ago, she had hoped that it would have evolved into a "woman with two husbands"-sort of arrangement. At the time, we knew another MFM triad that not only have lived together successfully for years, but the woman had a child by each of the two guys and they were all happy with the arrangement!)

 

That's interesting. Do you believe you can truly love two people and it be healthy? Not sure it could work for everyone. Can I ask, wouldn't you be jealous of your wife being with your friend??

 

Are you really good looking? If so, I recommend that you lower your standards and date me

 

Absolutely! My wife and I have been great friends and lovers. Today we drove down to the beach for a seafood lunch, and tonight we will have great sex. That's after over 30 years of marriage. I don't think we are all that unusual.

 

My best friend and I dated and although we have tons in common the sex was passionless. He is a great friend and companion but there was no spark. Then there was someone else I dated who was totally clueless when it came to sex but was a loyal wonderful person.

I hate to say this but after so many years of dating I have come to the (crazy) conclusion that reliable wonderful men can't knock your boat like a douchebag ghoster. So I have had my hand dipped in the honey pot to where I have casual (safe) online encounters with many of these men that pop up have great sex and disappear. Seems to work for me. I personally don't think I am cut out for monogamy anyway, so I get what I project out there.

On the other hand like the person above me said, he's been married 30 years and still has sex with his best friend/wife, so best of luck to them and others who have found that special relationship.

 

It was definitely a problem at the time (towards the end of our threesome), when I noticed my wife becoming more emotionally attached to Steve (our friend.) However (in retrospect), I think my reaction to it was largely because I was pretty much blindsided by it and we (my wife and I) didn't talk about her new feelings beforehand. In the years that have passed since, we've discussed it on several occasions and I truly believe that if she'd talked to me early on when her feelings for Steve began to intensify, we could have paced the relationship evenly enough that I'd have been able to embrace it (the change.) Heck, it's even possible (albeit extremely unlikely) that our relationship would have become like the triad friends I mentioned earlier, in that Steve moves in with us and my wife subsequently alternates night sleeping with him and me. Even if my wife and I both could have come to terms with that sort of an arrangement, I think the single biggest obstacle to such a relationship would have been Steve himself.

At the time, all three of us were extremely close and he was happily fucking my sexy wife ridiculously often, largely because she enjoyed it as much as he did. He'd been our friend for six years and now, suddenly, he was getting frequent free pussy from a gorgeous, willing young married woman... with her husband's approval and at his urging! If my place and Steve's had been reversed, my cock would have been inside her so often it would have never had time to dry off! (For a while, I almost thought that the two of them fucking was going to become a daily event, as in a) she comes home from work, b) we have dinner, c) Steve drops by, d) they fuck for half an hour or so, d) Steve goes home. Wash-rinse-repeat. At one point, I started to think that Steve was fucking her more often that I was! This wasn't actually the case, but on at least one visit by Steve, I recall the two of them fucking THREE TIMES in as many hours! That may not be a big deal for other folks in threesomes, but it was pretty amazing for ours!)

I suspect however that, even if all that had taken place, a tighter emotional bond between my wife and Steve would have been, at best, fleeting. Steve was incredibly gun shy when it came to serious emotional relationships. I'm fairly certain that, once he became aware of my wife's stronger feelings for him, he'd have bolted like a spooked rabbit and we'd have probably never seen him again!

 

I have love and hot sex with my girlfriend, but after a week of her, I'm happy to get back to my wife and family, where I can just not bother for a few months.

 

Sex is indeed an integral part of a lasting relationship, but on its own a limited term of longevity (in most cases) Love however has more of a spiritual compatibility that can last long after the body no longer performs to its maximum physical efficiency
- Seems to me however, Living (and indeed Loving) should be for, and in the moment - as with its euphoric exuberance - Reflection can come later
Love in so much of care, consideration and respect is a matter of mutual co-operation and understanding
What would be ideal is to have both - but sometimes one has to settle for one rather than both - for some of us have neither ..... (not bitter, sad and lonely then) - lol

 

. . . I have been blessed with "both" only twice
And, I am being truly honest with myself

Once with a man
Once with a woman

What they both had in common was our mental connection.
A mutual understanding and empathy and wanting for each other

TBH. By accident, I discovered the necessity of having that mental connection for a better sexual relationship.
I was young. He was older. eight years older.
And, his experience and maturity fed into our relationship. almost like a mentor

One aspect did not overwhelm the other. sexual over mental. mental over sexual. equal.
Love crept in and our sexual activity intensified that feeling, just as much as our sex deepened our connection

Many "relationships" with men have failed since because I rarely had that mental connection.
The sex was always there but it did not feed the relationship
I took it for granted. Did not give any effort towards the mental aspect --- assumed it would just happen

It didn't

I thought I would never be able to repeat that one bond I had until I met my first bisexual partner
We started as friends. became supporters of each other. and just naturally gravitated into lovers
No three date prerequisite and into bed. No intention of ever getting skin-to-skin.
Just two people digging themselves out of previous bad choices
Finding a commonality
And, then sealing that connection with the most intimate of interactions

I now have the templates
And, as tempting the holiday season can be to make poor choices
The pressure to "be with someone"

I am waiting for. not looking for that next relationship
Where the connection is deep and the sex makes it deeper

(feeling impatient though)

 

Me too Pattie! Lol

 

I happen to have a very high IQ and am a product of private school for gifted children. Girls have always been attracted to me since I was good looking and instead of being a geek, I was a Jock. My wife did not take an academic course in high school. She took a technical course in being a secretary so she lacks knowledge that most high school graduates have. She knew that I had a need for a an intelligent and educated woman in her life, so she asked her best friend, the holder of two Master's Degrees and three Bachelor's, to have sex with me. Really did that one night to my surprise and that of her girlfriend. My wife saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. She knew that her girlfriend and I would spend hours debating things when she visited us. She also was having sexual feelings for women in general and her girlfriend specifically. She waited until I was done with her girlfriend and then came into the bedroom to just talk. I saw an opportunity and asked her to join us in bed. What else could I do since we were naked and she was fully dressed standing next to the bed.

That led to a 30 year poly triad and our girlfriend's own room and wardrobe in our home. Life can sometimes surprise you especially when her girlfriend said she had sex with women before. My wife was a very pretty petite 4' 11" 80 lb. girl with 36C breasts. Men and women turned their heads to look at her. Her girlfriend is a stunning 5' 9" blonde Norwegian woman with milk white skin and hair down to her butt. She developed early and had 38 EE breasts that were firm even into her old age. So I got my cake and ate it too. We never had a problem due to our poly triad. I was free to have sex with either women alone after our nightly thressome. We each slept in our own bedrooms to avoid any issues about who slept with who and for how many nights.

My wife is an old fashioned wife who loves to make others happy. She was the wife to both her girlfriend and me. She made the beds, did the laundry, cleaned the house and cooked all meals. I could afford a housekeeper but she wanted to do it all herself. She took pride in keeping a nice home that others all commented on. Our girlfriend did not even know how to make coffee. She never cooked or cleaned even once. She eventually did not want to work anymore and wanted someone to support her lifestyle. She went online and found one of those desperate submissive men who wanted a dominant wife to cuckold them. She found a good one who made almost as much as I did. After that she had dual residences. She split her time between her husband and us. We socialized with her husband a few times a year and tried to bring him into our poly family but he freaked out when we started to have sex that night.

You cannot make up stuff like this. This was actually what we called, our normal life. It was all that we knew for most of our adult years and only ended 7 years ago. I had a dream marriage and professional life. Being intelligent, decent looking and having money, has its benefits U work from anywhere in the world that has an internet connection and only work 3 days for a very good salary and 25% of the profits. Guys would kill for my job. I probably only work a few days a month. They keep me around to use my name and for those times when I am paraded in front of prospects to impress them. Life can be good if you grab it by the neck and dare to bend it to your will rather than follow where it takes you.

 

When I was seventeen I worked as a landscape artist for a wealthy billionaire. I always noticed him standing in the third story window of his mansion when I was out in the courtyard cutting the bushes with no shirt on, my pectoral muscles bulging and glistening with sweat. I didn't think much of it. I just thought he was making sure I was doing a good job, or maybe contemplating the new railroad he was building across the country. But then one day I happened to look up and I noticed his shirt was unbuttoned. A pair of beautiful, seductive female hands wrapped themselves around his body from behind.

I think he could tell I was getting a boner as he looked right down at me and saw that I had a boner and let out a sharp gasp. He grabbed his wife by the hands and pulled her to the window and pointed at me and seemed to be excitedly talking to her. I went back to my work, feeling bad that my big hard erection had startled everyone so. But I couldn't help my curiosity and looked back up to the window. His wife was sucking his dick in the window, but the whole time she was looking at me out of the corner of her eye. He would grin and look down at me as well from time to time, but mostly his attention was focused on his hot slutty buxom wife. Whose wouldn't be.

I hid behind the bushes and started to masturbate. She stopped sucking his dick, said, "Hold on a second honey," and opened the window. "I can tell you're masturbating stupid!" she called out. "You don't have to hide!" So I strutted out from behind the bushes proudly, my enormous cock shimmering and pulsating in the summer sunlight. I started to slowly masturbate again right in front of them. They stood in the window and masturbated too. We were all looking at each other.

Finally his wife screamed out that she couldn't take it anymore, that our cocks were too big and she wanted them both in her butt. So I ran into the house and ran up the three flights of stairs. There were so many rooms I didn't know which was the right one. I was so horny you wouldn't believe. I was even masturbating while I was running around the house looking for the room. I guess they were desperate to find me as well because finally they ran out of the room. His cock was so big and hard I was almost jealous. All three of us were completely gorgeous and toned. His wife bent over and told us both to fuck her in the ass, but we were too nervous to touch cocks. We just started laughing. Then the old African American female maid came up the stairs and started scolding us and we were all like, "What the fuck are we doing?" and just started laughing. But then the maid said, "You think this is a fucking joke?" and she ripped off her shirt and had the biggest tits I've ever seen. She pulled a dildo out of her pocket and bent us all over and fucked us in our tight little buttonhole asses with it.

Seriously everyone this really happened. I've had lots of amazing experiences, but his wife was still the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I've never really loved a person, kind of sad really...I feel like I just can't love anyone, like I don't have that emotional capacity...but on that day I felt for the first and only time like I was truly loved by other people. I can't explain it. I know it's just sex, but that is what caring is all about really, having an enormous dildo shoved so far up your ass that you can't breathe. It shows a kind of appreciation for who you are as a person that you just can't get from some fairy tale love story. In my opinion all of that stuff is just fake to try and make yourself feel good. You shouldn't deny what really makes you feel good which is dildos shoved up your asses by bizarre strangers.

 

Possible, but tricky to find

 

This happened to me too

 

As opposed to the impoverished billionaires, I assume?