Hi, 1st time post (please keep reading).. Basically I was with my 1st proper girlfriend from November 2005-feb2007 (lost virginity together) she was 16 and I was 17 and 1 school year older. The relationship was on/off towards the end. Mainly due to me being old enough to go out drinking and she wasn't, but maybe that was the nieve part of being in a young, serious relationship. Anyway I met my next partner in may 07 (now my wife and mother of my child born early 2012) I didn't hear nothing off my ex until Xmas 2010 when my sister said that she was 8+months pregnant & her mum had died suddenly from a virus, I was shocked and tnough nothing of it, told her to send my regards etc... Then 4 days later my mum died of the exact same cause!!! Anyway a few months later I found an old email address of mine and logged in & that day I had a email off my ex! About how wierd wot happened, asking how I was etc. I was amazed & after a day or to decided to.message back. After a few hours we were messaging about the past & reminiscing. Anyway fast forward to now me haven't met in public, although a few 'hellos' in the street. we just message now and again. The 1 time we were in the same place was maybe 4 months ago I noticed her car was at a kids.indoor players so I knew she was inside with her boyfriend. We just smiled at eachother then in later messages agreed how wierd and awkward it was Now she told me she was having a tough time at home and split from her bf and I told her I'm going to be a dad again, her.messages have since been less frequent. Basically I don't know what feelings I have for her anymore. I obviously want to know if she is alright. Would meeting up face to face open up a can of worms? Can we be just friends or does it need something more? Where as I'm not prepared to lose my marriage and definitely not.my son over. My wife has a terminal illness and although the effects haven't started yet, in the future I'll need alot of help/advice and my ex is the only person I've opened up too (maybe it's because I'm behind my computer screen)
I'm friend with all my exes. I don't have sex with them. It's just friendship. It's possible. If the other person starts to flirt and that isn't what you want, you remind them kindly, but firmly. Sorry about your wife being ill.
Invite her to dinner with your wife. Talk it through. The exact same disease and an email on the same day you decide to log into an old account? Really
Yeah that's pretty wierd it wa more like a virus what they had. And the email thing makes me believe in fate a little.
OK, yeah, just invite her over for dinner with your wife. You obviously shouldn't be doing anything behind her back. Have you told your wife about her? It might be awkward, I guess.
when i was in college, a decent looking 20 year old girl would have had absolutely no problem going out drinking.
Short answer: yes you can. Well, I'm friends with one of my exes, and oddly enough just commented on her very first "sexy facebook pic" a couple days ago. My girlfriend actually knows about it, and I made it a point to be sure she understood why I left the comment I left on the ex's facebook pic(I actually saw humour in the whole situation, which I explained to my current girlfriend). Anyway, this ex of mine is just a friend and she and I have always remained so after ending our relationship. So yeah, it's possible. I think Odon's idea of inviting her to dinner with your wife sounds like a good one. I remember in American Pie 2, there's a scene where Stifler is being obnoxious like he always is and asks Oz if he's ever been attracted to girls other than his girlfriend Heather since they all started college. Oz replies basically saying that even if there was some sort of attraction toward other girls, it would be a momentary thing. Now, I personally relate to this because I feel the same way when I'm just living my every day life and either witnessing or coming in contact with attractive women. At the end of the day, you make a commitment with someone because you must have recognized something truly special about them, and known then that they are who you want to spend the rest of your life with. When you come to terms with that, you tend to actually become comfortable being friends with people like your exes, people of the opposite sex(can be same sex too, obviously), people you find attractive, all without really having to feel like you're going to stray. Having a partner who is really understanding, who you can easily, sincerely, and sensibly communicate with, helps too, of course. That's just been my own experience. All the best. ::The AT::
Sure you can be! I know lots of people that are good friends with some of their exes. Myself no thanks though. I tend to leave the past behind and have no want to be around the people in my past. The only reason I talk to my ex wife is, because we have joint custady of our kids. If we never had kids together I doubt I would ever talk to her.
Yes and no. Set boundaries, and never lie to a current partner about a past partner. If you are married or in a serious relationship, NEVER set up meetings with the ex, no matter how innocent, without talking to your spouse/partner about it honestly. If you are hiding things from your current spouse or partner, it is a bad sign. No, if the break up was on bad terms that keep popping back up, or one or the other of you starts bringing up what it would be like to try again, or hinting at rekindling and old flame. Just my experience...
of course you can be friends with an ex. However it purely depends on what feelings you have for her. if you are completely 100% over her and aren't attracted toward her and truly love your wife then it shouldn't be a problem. That said you should not keep this from your wife. If your wife has a hard time understanding you'll need to be truthful with her in telling her that you both had a similar loss and are just friends. if it really causes problems between you and your wife then you should reconsider giving up on the friendship as your wife and child should be your first priority, everything else is secondary...
I think so, but in your case, it doesn't sound like it, considering you don't know how you feel about your ex. I think a big factor of knowing whether or not you can be friends with an ex is having that clear establishment of feelings. Also, according to research, illness is one of the causes of divorce, especially female illness. Apparently, no lover wants to take care of their sick significant other, so they cheat with a more abled bodied person. I would like to believe that's not true, but I get it. I can see why someone loses their emotional and/or sexual connection with someone if that someone is always sick, being unable to provide that emotional and/or sexual connection. You already have an emotional connection with your ex, considering you both have lost someone from the same thing and are remembering your pasts together. Also, probability wise, it's not a rare thing to meet your ex again and the fact that you two are acting like it, I don't know, that just doesn't sound like you two can just be friends because you two sound too much in awe of each other. You're just friends, you shouldn't be that in awe of each other. Then again, maybe you and her will prove it all wrong. It really depends on the two people involved, so some exes can be friends and others can't. I also think you should tell your wife. Also, tell her that you have talked about her to your ex, because maybe your wife is not okay with you talking about her.
