Came out to wife about my bisexuality

(sorry this is long)

So about a month ago we were drunk and told her i had experimented when I was single. It came out because she wanted peg me which we regularly do. A month had passed and no mention or questions about it. Like I had never mentioned anything about it.

Last night we were in bed and I was a little tipsy and she started to carress my ass and told me she wanted to use the double sided dildo. I started telling her that i like it. She mentioned if i truelly like it when I had done it with a man and i said yes. So as Im riding her she waa asking me what inlike about it and i just td her everthing. When we were done we cuddled and I told her when she was ready to hear about it that i would tell her in detail.

So at that moment she asked questions and i told her how i started, how it happened and how I felt and about the guy I was with. I basically poured my soul to her. It turned her on and she said that she wanted to watch me get fucked. She seemed pretty turned on about the idea. She did not judge me or put me down. She was very supportive. She asked me if i missed it i told her yes but that i dont want to stray. She told me i wasnt going to stray that she was giving me permission but she wantes to be there. Then she looked at me and told me how handnsome I was but the way she said it she had never said it with so much conviction. I know she loves me to death but i had never felt it like this.

She tasked me what guy I had in mind to do this with me and im like, i dont know, im not out there looking at guys. I said i would be more i to tell you about girls than guys. I do t look at guys in the street the same way i look at woman. Then she says thay she does t kmow where to look for a guy for me lol well dear niether do I. Told her back when I did my thing it was in the chatrooms and that searching like this anonymously was exciting for me. Shes like naw we wont do that. Also im not looking to put my face on dating apps.

Im in shock becauase part of me wants to but the other part of me doesnt. I dont want to open doors i wont be able to handle. For instance if all of a sudden she wants to play too I dont think i could handle her moaning to another guys cock. Its obvious in the game of sex its for pleasure. I would rather not play with this idea. It scares me. She told me she doesnt want to but she also mentioned "do you just want me to sit there and watch?" Well i told her i dont want her touched but that also we'd be compting for cock and she chuckled.


And by no means did i come out to her for permission to play. I didnt think id ever had the guts to tell her. I was going to take this to my grave. I just wanted to be open and her to know the reason why I like to ride her and why I like it soooo much. But she feels like there is a need that she needs to fulfill. In fact she does not. She is everything to me.

I take from all this that there are two things she wants 1. To fulfill my needs and 2. To experience thisnfor herself (see it happen, turn her on) and possibly 3. To get a chance to play i dont blme her for #3 but like i said before i dont know if i could handle this.

Thoughts, opinions?

 

Having been there in a similar position I can say it will certainly change your relationship.

You sound like you are quite possessive of your wife so that will be a problem for you.

But at the same time in the past, reading your posts, you have been active with guys; in which case to repress that desire is to live a lie and not healthy. And you are turned on by gay porn.

You don't say how long you are married; to start playing together as a mfm will need much communication and acceptance. My wife and I had a three with another bi guy for five months which was very hot and turned us all on but it changes the dynamics and if it is the same guy, and not different ones, then that can also be a big factor. My wife found two guys together turned her on very much but also scared her. Many women need to be more emotionally involved to have sex with a guy; guys much less so.

But everyone and every relationship is different so the two of you have to decide.....but the can has been opened now so it probably can't be closed, and for you it might not be healthy to close it again.

Good luck and take care,

Simon

 

At least I don't think Im possessive Im not even a jealous type. I do appreciate the constructive criticism . Im mean I'm happy where Im at but the fact that she told me that shes cool if she sees me with another guy threw me off a bit. It's just a scary thought. I don't think Im ready to open up my marriage like this. But I told her so she would understand me why I love to use the double sided dildo and why I just love it so much.

Ive been married for nearly 13 yrs. I joined this site a while back just to talk about this subject and to release the pressure. it has kept me at bay. I appreciate everyone on here as I have learned a lot. The desire will never go away but I don't want anything to get in the way of my relationship. Time will tell what happens.

It's pretty scary.

 

Yes, it can be scary making such a major change in your relationship after 13 years....and also learning that your wife is both at ease with your history/desires as well as open to new ideas in sex.

Personally I believe we all have the potential to be bisexual, at different levels on the scale....just very conditioned by societies norms.

From my own experience open communication between you both is vital. I'm sure others on here will share their own thoughts and experiences.

Simon

 

Wow,
That's awkward. It's nice that she is ok that you have been with a guy and thinks it's a turn on and didn't crack it.
Mmm, she wants to see you get fucked, that's hot but I understand your concern.

Does she just want to see you get fucked,just bent over and fucked to turn her on?

Or is she saying she wants to see you with a man? Could she handle it if you were getting quite intimate with a man? Kissing, caressing and being intimate?

I think if she and a guy were happy that is is just sex, just giving her a show, ducking some cock and being fucked to make her wet, that sounds hot. Surely there are guys that just want sex not any thing more really. Guys that would be happy to fuck you In front of your wife.
How do you really feel about it? If she says she just wants to see 2 guys together , one of them being you.
How do you feel about that, of she is just suggesting you hookup with a guy so you can both be part of the experience can you do that? Here is your opening to have a guy fuck you so long as your wife can watch. You get to be the fuck toy and your wife is ok with it.

Maybe it needs more discussion to see how it's meant to work, then see if there is anyone compatible.

This won't work on many marriages but the conversation has opened with her now but it's up to you.

 

I guess it's good that you were able to be open, but yes I think you need to express your concerns about the fact that you are not comfortable sharing her with anyone else,

 

Update: we spoke about the situation and just like me she thinks it would ruin us sharing me with someone else. We are both on the same page. We wont go through with it and we’re going to leave it as a fantasy. And im ok with it. She told me that if she didn’t believe i truly loved her she would of veen bothered her me opening up to her. But i told her it should not bother her it was my past life like anyone else that slept around prior to a relationship mine just included same sex…..sex.
But i feel a relief of preasure that at least she knows more or me.

Happy beginning!

 

And she happily fucks your ass herself so it's a win for you.

 

that is very good! glad things go to be in the open and that you talked-- and you are probably feeling better too not holding all that inside

 

I do feel better and I hope it doesnt come back to haunt me.

 

i hope it doesn't either, but as you've probably read in the forums here a LOT of married couples go through this same thing--- either holding back truths about their past or not sexually for filled in the bedroom and seek comfort of others. I think it is very admirable that you kept it in for so long but in the end it was just hurting you keeping it in.............. and like you said you still really love her and respect the fact she wouldn't want to share you either.

 

Don’t do it

 

Well even before I told her anything she would try to anally play with me. I would resist until one day I gave and and then I “really like it” we went to the sex store to buy toys and “try them out” i had never came with a man but with toys i did. And it was a first with her. Then like how I stated in this thread i told her everything about my experiences while we were fucking. And after i told her in full detail about me experiences and how i liked every part of it and I have no regrets.

this weekend we took a trip to las vegas and we stopped at a sex shop. She wanted to buy me toys. We bought 200 bucks worth. Double sided harness dildo, single sided harness and a thick 8 inch dildo. We had a sex fest in the hotel room. And shes cool with talking dirty and and making me suck it and dick slapping me. Im loving life just a little more because now its not just a weird fetish she thought it was. its something I truly Love and even though it totally not the same as with a man (which i totally do miss im not gonna lie) doing this with the woman I love really does take care of this. I only wish she had more stamina because i could last for hours riding cock…… like for real! LoL this is not a happy ending this is a happy beginning to a new sex life and adventure.

but now that she knows about my past and what i like ill be open for kinkier toys without her thinking something is weird or her suspecting. She knows it and i have broken free. So many more toys i want to try and now I can probably get away with buy all kinds of female toya to masturbate my anus! Like a saw a dildo that cums…… im going to try to get as realistic as i possibly can with the toys lol.

if youre thinking about coming out make sure you are very sure about it. Millage may very. She did reveal to me that if she didnt know i loved her so much, what i had revealed to her would of bothered her. Im so glad I love her so much as this not to bother her. That was a pretty scary revelation on her part.

 

I'm only out with my bisexuality to a couple therapists and a girlfriend I had 2016-19. Before we had sex when we started seeing each other, I felt that I had to tell her about my history with guys, and it was a huge history, with my having sucked over 200 guys since 1992, rimmed several, and fucked one with a condom. It was the most difficult and scariest thing I've ever had to do, but I felt she deserved to know, and I was almost sure that she would reject me. But she didn't, and was very understanding and accepting, even though the last guy whose asshole I tonguefucked had been only a week before our conversation! But I had to get tested, and we would have to wait for the requisite three months for the definitive HIV negative result. We did wait until the end of that to actually fuck, with a condom, but she wanted to cheat with oral sex after the preliminary test of 90% sure of HIV negative, and so we started having oral sex after that result came.

Unfortunately, our relationship was a very difficult and rocky one, with a number of break ups of small duration, with her dating other guys during those periods, without full on sex, and one break up of 4-5 months, with her having a boyfriend, and lots of bareback fucking during that time (he had had a vasectomy), and they were already looking at rings less than 4 weeks after she broke up with me. So I had a really hard time during those breaks, as she shared everything with me, and I followed my regular pattern of turning to gay desires, fantasies, and porn whenever women rejected me, which was a super lot throughout my entire life. I also never kept it a secret that during our breaks that I was watching lots of gay porn and masturbating a lot to it.

As time progressed in our roller coaster relationship, she also became more kinky, wanting to do some light B&D more and more. She eventually expressed the desire to peg me. I'm sure it partially came from knowing about my fantasies about bottoming with a guy (which I still haven't done, but want to desperately), but also more and more from her desire to feel dominant, which she really began liking. The only problem was that every time she was fucking me with that 7-8" strap-on dildo, all I could think of was how I wished it was a real guy fucking my ass. My gay desires were just coming up more and more even while we were together and not on a break. But our relationship was not good by then either, and she had pulled quite a ways away from me, which I could feel, which just made me think more and more gay thoughts.

Eventually I wasn't able to cum for her while fucking her without thinking about gay sex, though this I did keep as a secret from her. If there was any chance of me cumming in the condom inside her pussy (she wasn't able to go on the pill), I had to think that I was fucking a guy and his beautiful asshole. However, if I was fucking her asshole bareback, which she absolutely loved and even had orgasms from that, I had an easier time shooting my load inside her ass, maybe because it was closer to gay sex, but perhaps also because it was the only opportunity for bareback sex with her, which I really loved because of the closer intimacy. I was also having big problems with orgasm because of some meds that I was on. So often I went home after we had sex (she never let me sleep over her house in the 3 years because I had not been able to make a lifetime commitment to her yet), and jerked off and orgasmed to gay porn. She also knew about this, even without me having to tell her. There were many signs of her being very intuitive, if not clairvoyant.

Anyway, our relationship was doomed. Even though we loved each other (and still do), we were just not compatible with each other emotionally/psychologically. And then there is the gay part of my bisexuality which I just can't seem to suppress. Since breaking up with her, I've been thinking that I can't really ever have a future, serious relationship with a woman. First, I always have to be honest: it's just the way I'm wired. Second, I have a personal moral code never to have sex with anyone else while I'm in a relationship, and I don't think I can go without letting the gay part of me express itself with another man or men. Of course, I also have a very unhealthy, uncontrolled desire and attachment to male cock and ass, exaggerating the happiness it can bring to me. Perhaps if I get control of this, I can commit do a heterosexual relationship. But I'm not there yet. In fact, because of the pandemic, I have barely been able to explore this stronger gay part of myself.

 

I feel like I need to re-state to my wife several times a year "I am bisexual" "I need dick from time to time" 'I want to suck some cock" as reminders to her. This has been going on for years, when I get horny for guys. She has known since before we got married and has probably been trying to pray it away since.... And since she wont peg me, she's practically driving me to look for a boyfriend on the side.

My point, is, I feel like I am still and constantly coming out to my wife while she barely listens or pretends to not know, or just wants to avoid the topic altogether(mostly that).

 

My wife and I share men. I've seen her getting fucked many times by other men. Lately we have a guy that's dedicated to us. He fucks my wife, and me. This three way relationship stuff can work, but it has to be the right people. It's hot watching my wife getting fucked by the guy that's gonna fuck me next! Just have to keep an open mind, and it's great.