Break up with the person above you

You hog all the fucking blankets at night jerk. I'm leaving you for poetry and a double bed covered with blankets I can keep to myself.

 

I'm moving on up



to the east side









of your mom

 

lol. That's so lame it's funny.

 

Look, it's not me, it's you. But we can do this fairly...

I'll take the right hemisphere, the colon, and the legs.

You take the left hemisphere, the arms and the stomach.

Who gets the penis.........?

 

don't worry hon! my penis will grow back in a couple decades! but maybe for now we just need to take some time off.

 

I can't take all the smackin when you eat anymore

 

Guy - I'm sorry, this isn't going to work. I'm a lesbian
Girl - ... but you're a bloke
Guy - admittedly that makes it harder.

 

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

 

You've always been so fair and rational with me - so I have to level with you. You're too boring and too British. Always have been; that's why I've been unfaithful this whole time.

 

That seems fair. *sniff*

 

I blew your dog. sorry.

 

I need a REAL lover, not an imaginary friend.

 

Since the dawn of time and the advent of the wheel, man has been dogged by people like you.
You are written in the bible under odon 12:16 : Man: ftw.
Need I say more?

 

I'm tired of the arguing about shit that doesn't matter

 

You're too much of a man for me, babe.

 

MEANT FOR BBAD:

i thought i burned your retinas!? go away! or can you not leave me because you're blinded by my light?

rest assured, i'm not leaving you for odon.

 

VD is just not cool. Get it sorted then call me.

 

F off. U gave it to me, silly!

 

I've grown as a person.
You have grown a huge ass (and not in a good way)
See you later alligator.

 

im tired of you making soup without any fucking carrots

CAN'T YOU SEE IM TRYING TO IMPROVE MY VISION!!!?